Right Guys, let's rewrite the Highway Code to suit car4play.
Rules are that nothing already in the original is allowed.
First go for me...
Thou shall not exit a roundabout until you have an indicator flashing. Failing to indicate will mean that you continue to go round and round forever more.
Over to you:)
Pat
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Thou shall not exit a roundabout until you have an indicator flashing.
The HC already says that albeit somewhat more wordily. Not sure that a roundabout full of perpetually circling incompetant drivers will help!
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Tailgaters to be stoned to death at the next available red light. Piles of rubble could be left in special mini-skips at junctions for convenience of use.
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A lorry overtaking another lorry ist Verboten!
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Motorcycle speed limits should be 10-20mph higher than other classes of vehicle.
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Agreed, we have a much higher chance of making sure they are dead then. Will save the NHS a fortune.
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Drivers who use rear fog lights in the rain or at any time other than in fog shall be deported to Fogechenko in outer Fogeria which is foggier that the foggiest parts of Greater Fogchester.
Last edited by: Cheddar on Wed 29 Dec 10 at 09:59
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Motorcylists are allowed to fit machine guns to increase the likelihood of car drivers looking properly before pulling out
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Its legal to squirt a foul liquid over the car behind who insists on tailgating
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Anyone who is able to be undertaken should be removed from the roads until they learn WE DRIVE ON THE LEFT IN THIS COUNTRY.
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Unless you are about to overtake the vehicle in front, you must leave room ahead for following traffic to overtake you and make progress.
As disregarding this rule is a form of tailgating, the standard penalty of stoning at the next set of red lights applies.
Last edited by: Manatee on Wed 29 Dec 10 at 12:22
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Any mimsers will have their throttles opened to the max and put on a twisty road with 5 minutes of fuel. Natural justice will be done.
John
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Drivers who brake for oncoming vehicles, where the road width makes this unnecessary, will receive a 3 month ban.
John
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Failure to signal a right turn off a busy road WELL BEFORE THE JUNCTION IN QUESTION to result in a severe penalty.
Leaving your tiny little car's colossal rump artistically blocking the straight-ahead lane when turning right at any junction to result in a severe penalty involving public humiliation.
Coming from St John's Wood and owning a Porsche, Mercedes, Lexus, BMW, Jaguar, Bentley or Rolls-Royce: special fat-ugly-wimpish-stupid-mimser screening test, at driver's own very considerable expense. Failure to mean confiscation of licence and 100 days' community service in Liverpool.
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Those that think the speed limit is the speed to aim for all in all conditions should be made to play a real life game of frogger on the M60.
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>> Those that think the speed limit is the speed to aim for all in all
>> conditions
Those who don't think the speed limit is a target to achieve as soon as possible should be banned.
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>> Those who don't think the speed limit is a target to achieve as soon as possible should be banned.
I would go slightly further. Those who don't understand that speed limits are rough guide for poor drivers or difficult conditions, and can be exceeded safely to some or even a great extent for quite a lot of the time, should be made to wear fluorescent orange dunce's caps, not unlike traffic cones, until they either grow up or shut up.
Honestly Sheikha. You ought to know better by now.
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"Drivers who brake for oncoming vehicles, where the road width makes this unnecessary, will receive a 3 month ban."
I take it you drive around Golders Green, John.
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No, not me BBD. Seems they're everywhere :-(
John
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Thou needn't use indicators when approaching any road configuration unless there is another road user close enough to benefit from your signal. Use of indicators when there is nobody to benefit tends to show that the driver isn't aware of what's around him and he's indicating out of sheer subconcious habit.
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>> he's indicating out of sheer subconcious habit.
That's just IAM garbaggio gastropod.
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Indeed, I always indicate out of habbit it is just automatic just like changing gear but I am always well aware of what is around me when approaching junctions.
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>> Thou needn't use indicators when approaching any road configuration unless there is another road user
>> close enough to benefit from your signal.
However, if there is a road user that you have not noticed, including any pedestrians that may be about to enter the road, you will be shot dead.
Your surviving family members can appeal your shooting, in writing, within 14 days.
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As I am not perfect I ALMOST always signal. On the rare occasions when I am absolutely in no doubt and I've checked and checked again, I will refrain from signalling.
I'm curious L. How has this bugged you? If you were there, then you were signalled at. If you weren't, how did you know?
John
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>> I'm curious L. How has this bugged you?
It hasn't bugged me. I just like a good argument about this perennial subject!
;-)
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Ah! I see! A trouble maker :-)
John
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>> Ah! I see! A trouble maker :-)
>> John
>>
Otherwise known as a rabble rouser. :-)
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The metre-wide lane between lanes 2 and 3 of the motorway to be marked with paint that non-motorcyclists can see.
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I think you've been reading too much Larry Potter. You're thinking of platform 9¾
John
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If you pull out from a side road and then accelerate slowly in an attempt to conserve your own fuel, while causing numerous cars behind you to brake and then have to accelerate again, you will be clubbed to death with a seal and your biomass used to generate electricity.
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Slowing / stopping on main road with only one or two cars behind you in order to allow another car to enter / exit side road; penalty - to be run over by one wheel of a small hatchback for first offence. Any major anatomical part of the offender's choice.
John
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I've seen drivers indicate ...........
(a) At crossroads in the middle of nowhere at 3 am
(b) When they're stationary in left turn only lanes or right turn only lanes at traffic lights
(c) Just as they start to turn the steering wheel
(d) Approaching a slip road off a motorway when the nearest car is half a mile behind them
...... and I just wonder why.
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a, b and d are examples of harmless automatic behaviour, much better than not signalling when you should.
c deserves a week in the stocks for a first offence.
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I take it you were a passenger in the same car on these occasions, l'Es. Otherwise you were another road user who might have been expected to benefit from the signal.
Anyway, one more rule: no use of indicators at all to be permitted in car parks, especially to convey "I've seen someone start to load seventeen children, a month's shopping and a hot air balloon into that car and I'm going to sit here in everyone's way until I can take its space."
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>> I take it you were a passenger in the same car on these occasions, l'Es. Otherwise you were another road user who might have been expected to benefit from the signal.
That had occurred to me as well. Perhaps the gastropod takes solitary late-night walks around the local peripherique system... but he's already admitted he's just trolling.
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... Perhaps the gastropod takes solitary late-night walks around the local peripherique system...
How far do you suppose he gets?
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"Perhaps the gastropod takes solitary late-night walks around the local peripherique system...
How far do you suppose he gets?"
Just down the slip road
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>> ... but he's already admitted he's just trolling.
>>
I'm merely putting my point of view.
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Not strictly a motoring offence but filling stations would be suitable locations to site further boulder and rubble skips for the convenient stoning of the following offenders....
The "people" ( you know who you are ) who having filled up their cars with fuel and queued to pay who seem astonished when having reached the head of the queue, to be asked to settle their debt. They then and only then, embark upon a search for a method of payment in the very depths of their usually enormous and overflowing handbags. Having located a suitable transactional device they then remember that somewhere else in the portmanteaux lurks a discount voucher which has also to be found. Transaction completed it is then remembered that a pack of tissues and a tube of mints is also required and small change has to be located to complete this further exchange.
On returning to the vehicle, the really skilled in this tactic will then busy themselves with something on the passenger seat, examine their receipt, check their make-up and hair in the mirror, check their mobile phone for text messages which have appeared since their departure from the vehicle and then, finally, after presumably completing a similar pre-flight check list to that required before starting a jumbo jet, set off.
At 3rd Dan level, the unwary can at this stage be caught out. The vehicle will be coquettishly moved forward about 2 feet. Not enough to allow the car behind to access the pump but just enough to give the impression that the interminable wait may be over. However, at this point the car is stopped again while the seatbelt is located and secured. The position of the mirror is then identified as unsatisfactory and further moments are spent in its adjustment including a mid-adjust re-glance at hair and lipstick.
The stones could be kept well away from the pumps of course due to possible sparks.
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Instant ban for white man who uses his hazzard lights while unloading, but obscures one of the indicators with the rear doors.
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'instant ban for white man'
I am mortally offended by this slur - when do I get my compensation?
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Meant to say white van man.
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Ha Ha ha ha ha......If only you knew how much: -
a) I am giggling away with mirth; and
b) How true you description is
[EDIT] - aimed at Humph's post.
Last edited by: Espada III on Wed 29 Dec 10 at 18:38
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If I can hear your radio.... your wheels fall off. Fair?
John
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Wasn't worth starting a new thread for but I've either just seen a complete numpty or a faulty Honda.
Just been for my swim and on the way back followed a 57 plate Honda Civic ( one of the newer swoopy jobs ) for nearly 5 miles in a combination of 30 and 40 mph semi -urban roads. The car contained two young ladies who seemed to be chatting enthusiastically to one another. Certainly no great care was being taken to the driving. But most astonishing of all was that throughout the entire journey both door mirrors remained folded back against the car. This was all the more noticeable due to the indicator repeater lights being positioned on the ends of them which must at least have slightly got in the driver's eyeline.
What I find a bit worrying is that for whatever reason the driver seems to have managed to drive for at least 5 miles in reasonably heavy traffic, made a couple of overtakes and negotiated three roundabouts without looking in the door mirrors.
Or maybe it was indeed a faulty Honda...
Sheesh !
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>> due to the indicator repeater lights being positioned on the ends of them which must
>> at least have slightly got in the driver's eyeline.
Ah but did they ever flash?
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On the roundabouts, yes, astonishingly enough.
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I've got in a car recently after SWMBO's used it to find a door mirror pointing skywards.
She's bothered to scrape the frost off, but dislodged it and obviously never uses it.
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This thread reminded me of the car harpoon demonstrations
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl8CG91as44
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I don't think SWMBO uses door mirrors. I have encouraged her, especially when reversing, but you know where that conversation ends!
John
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>>>> The "people" ( you know who you are ) who having filled up their cars
>> with fuel and queued to pay who seem astonished when having reached the head of
>> the queue, to be asked to settle their debt. They then and only then, embark
>> upon a search for a method of payment in the very depths of their usually
>> enormous and overflowing handbags.
Likewise car park pay stations.
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Having given some though to this, I think we're going about it the wrong way. Simplicity is what we need. Einstein sought one equation, we should seek one rule. And here it is;
Penalty for being within 500 yards of me while I'm out and about - car crushed.
Simple. You can tailgate, not signal, mimse commit any infringement you want so long as I'm not around.
John
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>> I've seen drivers indicate ...........
>> (a) At crossroads in the middle of nowhere at 3 am
>>
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It is a good practice nevertheless (in fact I do it myself ;-)
I also indicate left when exiting from motorway even when following car (especially lorries) is good distance away. This is because sometimes lorries show no intention of slowing down!
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I think you may have incriminated yourself there, Movi. Under the C4P code it is also verboten to slow down on the carriageway when the authorities have thoughtfully provided a deceleration lane (aka slip road) for that specific purpose.
};---)
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>> I've seen drivers indicate ...........
>> (a) At crossroads in the middle of nowhere at 3 am
>>It is a good practice nevertheless (in fact I do it myself ;-)
And so do I. Don't see that it should bother anyone else, and it breaks the monotony.
:)
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Unless you're driving an articulated lorry, you MUST NOT swing over to the right hand side of the road when making a left turn. Failure to observe this rule will result in a £60 fine and 3 penalty points.
If you are a mini-cab driver, you have the automatic right to run red lights, make illegal U-turns, drive the wrong way up a one-way street, park across the entire pavement, and drive with no lights on until well past midnight.
You MUST NOT sound your horn in a built up area after dark, unless for reasons of safety or you are a minicab driver, in which case YOU SHOULD sound it continually until you realise you have stopped outside the wrong house.
If you stall your car, you SHOULD NOT stop, put on the handbrake, place it into neutral, take your feet off the pedals, and check your mobile phone before restarting the engine. Foot on the clutch, start it while it's still rolling, and go. Jesus.
When joining a motorway in a BMW, AUDI, MERCEDES, or OTHER GENERIC PRESTIGE CAR, you MUST immediately swerve across all three lanes to the outside lane, where you SHOULD tailgate the car in front. When leaving the motorway, you MUST leave the exit manoeuvre until the last minute. Points will be deducted for indicating, and gained for missing the slip road and reversing back up the hard shoulder.
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>> BMW, AUDI, MERCEDES, or OTHER GENERIC PRESTIGE CAR
These cars sell more than many cheaper cars. So what prestige is left remaining?
>> illegal U turn
Yes!! Sometimes people do take U turns in mini roundabouts! Almost a guranteed way to cause accidents due to misunderstanding.
Last edited by: movilogo on Thu 30 Dec 10 at 14:40
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If you park on the pavement, someone wearing dark glasses and carrying a white stick will run the metal ferrule on the end of the stick down your paintwork, leaving an unsightly gouge.
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A total ban on filling stations that are also mini supermarkets but do not have a dedicated fuel cashier.
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>> A total ban on filling stations that are also mini supermarkets but do not have
>> a dedicated fuel cashier.
...and have we already covered the misanthropic misfits who leave their cars by a pump island for people to queue behind while they do a weekly shop? Cars should be towed and crushed.
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Ahh... I've often thought about moving the car for the benefit of the person behind (although I only ever buy fuel at filling stations) but am worried about a knee-jerk reaction of the cashier and an accusation of driving away without paying. Bilking, I think it's called.
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If its at all possible, I will pull into the furthest pump to allow those behind to fill up as well.
If its not however and I have to go and pay and the furthest pump is now freed up while I am filling, I am not going to waste time getting back in the car, moving, getting out the car and going to pay
It really doesn't take that long to pay.
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I move it out of the way while SWMBO pays.
What's up with you lot, haven't you got her trained yet? ;>)
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If possible, I drive past everyone who is queuing for a pump that is on the same side as the their fuel filler neck and pull the fuel pipe right out to its max length and fill up. There is usually ample length in the hose to hold it away from the car bodywork to prevent it scratching it.
I've never understood why people think the fuel hose is only long enough to reach the same side of the car where the filler neck is.
Last edited by: VxFan on Fri 31 Dec 10 at 03:00
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>> I've never understood why people think the fuel hose is only long enough to reach
>> the same side of the car where the filler neck is.
Some people might not have the strength/ability to pull the nozzle to the other side of the car, and keep the hose away from the bodywork.
I went through a bout of arthritis in which I found the nozzle trigger painful to operate.
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Spot on L'es, me too.
Pat
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All the more reason, then, for those who don't find it a problem to use the 'wrong' side and leave the 'right' side for those who do.
That said, one thing I do like about our Verso is that it has the filler on the less-usual left side, which does make it a bit quicker on a busy forecourt.
On the other hand, I usually get round there to discover I've forgotten to pull the release lever and I have to go back to the driver's door to open the flap. Is this a Japanese design thing? Mrs Beest had a Rover 200 with one, but the European cars I've had seem to have managed without.
Incidentally, Tom, once you've moved, can the operator reset the pump for the customer behind you before your fill has been paid for?
Probably my last post for 2010. Bonne année, tout le monde.
}:---)
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>>Incidentally, Tom, once you've moved, can the operator reset the pump for the customer behind you before your fill has been paid for?
To be honest, I don't know. SWMBO doesn't either. One reason for doing it is the car behind doesn't get annoyed at me sitting there when I should be inside, paying!
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Yes they can, If I'm on the bike, I usually make way for the next in the queue by parking elsewhere before paying - I see it as a PR thing for bikers.
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" I've never understood why people think the fuel hose is only long enough to reach
the same side of the car where the filler neck is. "
Maybe because its sometimes true. - some garages do have very short hoses. Logically I'm not sure why you should be concerned since the preference of a number of drivers to wait for a certain pump rather than use a free opposite handed one surely gives you an advantage if you are prepared to use either.
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I do what Dave does, too much risk of damage to paint and the hoses (especially diesel) are filthy. I don't mind waiting - I have half a dozen Shell garages on my list - I'll fill up if I see that one of them is quiet.
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Too much time on your hands more like...
:-)
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Ah well - time rich now see !
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There's lovely, isn't it ? Started eating seaweed yet ?
:-)
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No - he is now drinking halves of beer with scum and leaf mould floating on the top, mumbling into his beard about aroma and body, while flexing his toes in his sandals.
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I did actually a few weeks ago in a Swansea guest house, they don't do it up here ! It was rather nice.
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The delay is not at the pump, its at the till, because of having to wait for a queue of people only buying groceries.
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Scratchcards are the main curse of garages...
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>> >> BMW, AUDI, MERCEDES, or OTHER GENERIC PRESTIGE CAR
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>> These cars sell more than many cheaper cars. So what prestige is left remaining?
>>
Herd Prestige.
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Car4play Highway Code - CGNorwich
