If you shared a flat with someone and they moved their girlfriend in without discussing it with you, would you be a bit annoyed? Said girlfriend has her own keys, doesn't talk to me, doesn't chip in for bills, rent, or council tax, nor do any cleaning (as I've just had to do the washing up so I can eat tonight).
Issue compounded by the fact that she works at the same place as me, so don't dare kick off or have any arguments about it. Flatmate response when I brought this up was a distinct "meh".
Actually found another place now but judging by the exceptionally frosty attitude now pervading the place when I told him I was moving out you'd think I'd murdered his best friend.
Sick of feeling like a lodger in my own house... never have the place to myself any more.
So, am I over-reacting? Should say that I don't object at all to a couple of days a week, but even my GF refuses to come anymore because she doesn't like being the 4th person squashed into a 2 bed flat.
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3 of us shared a house in bishops stortford but one of the guys invited his girlfriend to live with him in his bedroom,i too got out soon after as the atmosphere was well and truly ruined and his puppy dewy eyes got on my nerver s
so you are not alone
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Start walking round wearing just a string vest and a pair of socks while passing wind and belching loudly.
A bit of psychological warfare soon sorts that type out.
Last edited by: Webmaster on Sat 11 Dec 10 at 00:10
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>> Is it me?
Yes, if these general sort of things happen to you frequently. :-)
You know type - the boy/girl who gets bullied at school, gets taken advantage of generally, who won't say boo to a goose, who gets taken in by "customer service" lies, etc.
No, if you are the assertive type who won't let other people ride roughshod over you.
Last edited by: John H on Tue 7 Dec 10 at 20:02
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>> >> Is it me?
>>
>> Yes, if these general sort of things happen to you frequently. :-)
>>
>> You know type - the boy/girl who gets bullied at school, gets taken advantage of
>> generally, who won't say boo to a goose, who gets taken in by "customer service"
>> lies, etc.
>>
>> No, if you are the assertive type who won't let other people ride roughshod over
>> you.
>>
>>
Normally would have kicked up a fuss a long time ago John, but as I said in the parent post she works at the same place as me and I don't really want a reputation or rumours floating around. Though it's probably already happening - "yeah, he spent his two days off sleeping, drinking, and playing Gran Turismo on the PS3".
* While that's technically true this week, it's not really the sort of thing I want everyone at work to know.
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"feeling like a lodger in my own house" - so this is your property that you're renting out? If so, your tenant should certainly not be bringing in someone else.
But perhaps you mean "feeling like a lodger in my own home" - i.e., it's not your property. In which case, your flatmate is being less than considerate, and, unless he's cleared it with the landlord, may be acting illegally.
In my book the g/f should certainly be contributing, as the shared facilities are now split three ways; your reduction of a half-share to a one-third share of the flat would at least be offset in terms of cost.
You could complain to the landlord, but it may be easier just to leave and avoid ill-feeling.
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This frequently happens with sharers. The property may be let to two males, but it's not usually long before one or more females take up residence, and vice versa.
You can do as your friend has done, or move elsewhere.
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>> This frequently happens with sharers. The property may be let to two males, but it's
>> not usually long before one or more females take up residence, and vice versa.
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>> You can do as your friend has done, or move elsewhere.
>>
Same thing happened to me in the late eighties, I too ended up feeling like a lodger in a house I co-owned. We agreed to sell up and move on after a month or two of 'three's a crowd'.
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I would do the same thing. To be honest when I move out it will be by myself. I am too old and miserable for that sort of crap.
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Not you.
If she's just moved in for a few days 'cos her own accom has a problem that's one thing but permanent is a no no.
Same stuff was commonplace 30 years ago as it is now. I'd shared a house with two other blokes and a lass for a year. She then went back to Uni (at end of year's work placement) and the three of us + a mate took a new place.
One of the original three then 'took up' with the lass. OK while she just came down for weekends but after finals she seemed to be there all the time. Difficult to say anything' cos we were all fond of her but in end I moved out.
Last edited by: Bromptonaut on Tue 7 Dec 10 at 20:56
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Time to move on. Let her cover your share of the rent
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First thing - tell the landlord or his agents.
Second - If the lease is near to expiry, walk as soon as it expires.
Third - tell your flatmate he is in breach of the lease and you are leaving, so he and the GF can split the bills between them.
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>>>> This frequently happens with sharers. The property may be let to two males, but it's
>> not usually long before one or more females take up residence, and vice versa.
>>
I had a similar but different problem with an all female sharers.
My daughter and two other med students rented a flat.
It was not in great shape and I spent a lot of time sorting it out and making it as comfortable and safe as I could. It was well under priced, and dangerous in some aspects but I was reasonably happy to sort things out rather than rock the boat with the landlady.
Then one of the others moved her sister in, or rather her parents did. I was furious especially as her father who was a hospital consultant (and not short of a bean ) would not talk to me or discuss things and refused to pay anything more.
His attitude was she is not using any resources and will stay in the bedroom.
The girls did not want me to stir things and we all knew they would never get another flat for that price in such a fabulous location so I had to snarl and bear it.
It lasted less than a year before they all dispersed but that did not make it any better.
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I think you need one bedroom per person to avoid over-crowding, irrespective of who is sleeping with whom.
Thus a one-bedroom flat is great for a single person, but not so clever for a couple.
The OP is in a two-bedroom flat, three people in there is one too many, whichever way you look at it.
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"never have the place to myself any more"
Next time you're alone with her, come on strong, try and and get her in bed. Might not help the atmosphere but what the hell.
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>> Next time you're alone with her, come on strong, try and and get her in
>> bed. Might not help the atmosphere but what the hell.
>>
Dave, I think we both know that that's only really worth a crack if she's fit...
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>> So, am I over-reacting?
Not at all. She has keys - she pays towards the bills. Those are the rules.
You're doing exactly the right thing by slinging your hook. Bet it won't be so cushty for your flatmate then...
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I would have insisted that bills and rent were split three ways.
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I am surprised (but relieved) to learn that this scenario is so widespread. It happened to me in the 80's after I got divorced. At first sharing with another bloke seemed to be a decent short term solution as we had a three bedroom house between two of us. But he moved a girlfriend in after a couple of months and, as I was the 'junior partner' (the lease was in his name) I felt unable to complain. The girlfriend was an absolute nightmare. She monopolised the kitchen and the (only) living room and I spent the best part of 12 months in the local pub waiting for them to go to bed. Eventually they left together and I took the lease over. Sheer bliss! Fortunately things have changed very much for the better and I am now very happily married again and living in our own place.
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Is it me? - Bellboy
