Non-motoring > Bernard Matthews Dies	Miscellaneous
Thread Author: mikeyb	Replies: 38

Fri 26 Nov 10 17:44   Bernard Matthews Dies - mikeyb

Sad to hear old Bernard Mathews has passed on www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-11845703 Last edited by: VxFan on Sat 27 Nov 10 at 16:21 Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 17:54   Bernard Mathews Dies - bathtub tom

I think you'll find a lot of teachers secretly enjoyed turkey twizzlers in school meals. ;>) Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 18:40   Bernard Mathews Dies - mikeyb

I have fond memories of eating turkey drumsticks as a child Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 18:45   Bernard Mathews Dies - R.P.

Can I tell a BM related joke without offending someone ? Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 18:48   Bernard Mathews Dies - BiggerBadderDave

Is there anything tastier than a Mathews Turkey Roast that's been drunkenly left in an oven overnight and served up the size of a coke bottle cap for breakfast. Reply to this message | Report message       5

Fri 26 Nov 10 18:48   Bernard Mathews Dies - Runfer D'Hills

Tell it anyway ! :-) Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 18:56   Bernard Mathews Dies - Badwolf

Go for it Rob. If anybody's offended, then that's their problem :-) Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 19:10   Bernard Mathews Dies - mikeyb

please tell. I'm sure the big guy would have seen the funny side Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 19:18   Bernard Mathews Dies - Dog

Q: Why has Bernard Matthews got all his dead turkeys in trucks? A: Because his bootisful Reply to this message | Report message       3

Fri 26 Nov 10 19:54   Bernard Mathews Dies - Runfer D'Hills

I know one about a farmer who bred three legged chickens. His idea was that if there was a family with an odd number of people...well you get the idea. Anyway, when being asked how they tasted he said he really didn't know. "Why was that?" He was further challenged. "Can't catch 'em" he said, "quick little beggers...." Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 20:03   Bernard Mathews Dies - Harleyman

Rumour has it that the crematorium staff have already received their instructions........ .... 20 minutes per pound at gas Mark 5. Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 20:26   Bernard Mathews Dies - R.P.

I was too embarrassed to post that... Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 21:56   Bernard Mathews Dies - Harleyman

>> I was too embarrassed to post that... >> Pug, I ride Harleys. What would I know about embarrassment? ;-) Last edited by: Harleyman on Fri 26 Nov 10 at 21:56 Reply to this message | Report message

Fri 26 Nov 10 21:22   Bernard Mathews Dies - Leif

>> Rumour has it that the crematorium staff have already received their instructions........ >> >> >> >> >> >> .... 20 minutes per pound at gas Mark 5. I've been waiting all day for the first funny joke, and you get the prize. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 08:32   Bernard Mathews Dies - Perky Penguin

The turkeys have scored - at last! BM 400 Million - Turkeys 1! Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 11:31   Bernard Mathews Dies - Bellboy

theres going to be an inquest fowl play is suspected......... Reply to this message | Report message       5

Sat 27 Nov 10 12:59   Bernard Mathews Dies - Stuartli

Bernard's will proved a massive disappointment for his family and friends as he only left a poultry amount. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 13:06   Bernard Mathews Dies - Iffy

I heard it was hardly chickenfeed. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 14:38   Bernard Mathews Dies - Zero

>> Bernard's will proved a massive disappointment for his family and friends as he only left >> a poultry amount. Still all the family flocked to the reading. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 16:20   Bernard Mathews Dies - Ted

Turkey butties afterwards ! No doubt they'll all be gobbled up. I'll get me thingy Ted Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 16:23   Bernard Mathews Dies - Zero

where did you pluck that one from? Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 16:25   Bernard Mathews Dies - VxFan

I can't help imagining the awkward silence in heaven when Bernard Matthews meets Linda McCartney. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 16:43   Bernard Mathews Dies - Zero

Well he wont say she is Bootiful Last edited by: Zero on Sat 27 Nov 10 at 16:43 Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 16:43   Bernard Mathews Dies - Fenlander

>>>awkward silence in heaven when Bernard Matthews meets Linda McCartney. It will be nothing to when she gets her hands on Heather Mills! Last edited by: Fenlander on Sat 27 Nov 10 at 16:44 Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 16:49   Bernard Mathews Dies - Zero

she wont have a leg to stand on. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 17:09   Bernard Mathews Dies - Runfer D'Hills

...prob'ly tell her to hop it. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 17:23   Bernard Mathews Dies - Manatee

I was too embarrassed to post that. Of course, there's no saying they'll end up in the same place. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 18:05   Bernard Mathews Dies - Fenlander

In the spirit of the season... Paul McCartney bought his wife a new artificial leg for Christmas.It wasn"t her main present, it was just a stocking filler. Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 18:32   Bernard Mathews Dies - smokie

Three years ago he bought her a plane... :-) Reply to this message | Report message

Sat 27 Nov 10 20:48   Bernard Mathews Dies - VxFan

>> Three years ago he bought her a plane... :-) And a Ladyshave for the other leg. Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 11:33   Bernard Mathews Dies - R.P.

James Blunt is going to be singing at the funeral - unclear at this stage what song he'll sing... Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 12:09   Bernard Mathews Dies - Falkirk Bairn

The funeral should be soon. No inquest etc fowl play not suspected. Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 12:10   Bernard Mathews Dies - R.P.

"You're Bootiful" will be the song. Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 12:15   Bernard Mathews Dies - Zero

Noooooooooooooooooo Surely not. Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 12:16   Bernard Mathews Dies - Cpt. Flack

Gobble degook Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 12:18   Bernard Mathews Dies - Cpt. Flack

" Rumour has it that the crematorium staff have already received their instructions........" I heard he wanted to be frozen Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 12:20   Bernard Mathews Dies - Stuartli

>>I heard he wanted to be frozen>> To the spot? Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 13:54   Bernard Mathews Dies - MD

Ge stuffed all of you. Reply to this message | Report message

Mon 29 Nov 10 14:07   Bernard Mathews Dies - Dog

>>Ge stuffed all of you.<< Aw shucks - I always thought of you as a pheasant plucker. Last edited by: Dog on Mon 29 Nov 10 at 14:08 Reply to this message | Report message