Got a meeting that ruins my lunchbreak tomorrow.
Just ploughed through nearly 20 pages of what can only be described as 'gash' being presented as part of a pilot for an 'integration plan' to get health and social care to communicate better.
I am offering a virtual cookie to anyone who can read just one paragraph without wanting to gouge their eyes out with a corkscrew:
(From a section titled "Biting the Elephant")
The proposal is to build the transformation of the system from a “bottom up” focus on person and locality. The pilot intends to demonstrate that you can shift the “big dots” of institutional care by having holistic “people plans” created, owned and goal set by patient/client and carer/family based on asset principles and learning from the work done on Self Directed Support – the aim of supporting people to be in control of their own health and wellbeing; having a proactive system of case management to ensure the plans are enacted and developing an “early warning” approach to avert crisis; developing 24/7 primary care and community capacity to deal with urgent exacerbations and tipping points and as a result redesigning the interface with specialist services. This work with cohorts of individuals will inform the development of locality based service plans based on population need.
I count around 107 words in the second sentence.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
Last edited by: Lygonos on Wed 5 Mar 14 at 21:39
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I cannot tell you the rage that such stuff causes in me. I can tell exactly what its going to be like from the subtitle "Biting the elephant".
Improving businesses is what I do and these incompetent, amateur, wannabes are unfit to be scraped from shoes.
These people should be hunted down and shot.
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Nice example of blue sky thinking. Of course you may need to workshop it first. Wouldn't want to wrong side the demographic. You need to look for a paradigm shift to leverage the strategic staircase.
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Run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
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More seriously, policy work and writing 'papers' was the only time in my career where I felt exposed by my lack of university education/degree. My drafts tended to be heavily re-written by my seniors.
Stuff like that though would have had me in for a 'focussed interview'.
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I worked for a large US company. Virtually everything from on high was enshrined in that sort of crap.
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As I say there's 20 pages of that but I guess it's copyrighted - but I doubt the author will want to make it known who they are!
This paragraph follows the one above - the town involved has been altered.
In taking forward the “people plans”, it is recognised that good quality public services alone do not create positive outcomes for individuals – we cannot “do” this to people. The plans will aim to enable people to “get the best out of their lives”. Links will be proactively sought with broader community empowerment and asset building work, addressing the wellbeing agenda. Community solutions will be sought as alternatives to statutory provision for individuals, recognising the impact on people’s health of e.g. loneliness and isolation. This pilot will seek to harness the 3rd sector input in a more consistent and integrated way. Telecare will be used routinely to enable community solutions to people’s problems and aspirations. It is intended to use existing community engagement mechanisms in Timbuktu to build trust and confidence in the emerging locality model as well as informing its development.
I get paid well because I make decisions.
Lots of them.
Important ones.
This stuff, however, makes the baby Jeebus weep.
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Who's that satirist who died recently...John Fortune?
I can just picture him reading this with a serious face.
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>> In taking forward the “people plans”, it is recognised that good quality public services alone
>> do not create positive outcomes for individuals – we cannot “do” this to people. The
>> plans will aim to enable people to “get the best out of their lives”. Links
>> will be proactively sought with broader community empowerment and asset building work, addressing the wellbeing
>> agenda. Community solutions will be sought as alternatives to statutory provision for individuals, recognising the
>> impact on people’s health of e.g. loneliness and isolation. This pilot will seek to harness
>> the 3rd sector input in a more consistent and integrated way. Telecare will be used
>> routinely to enable community solutions to people’s problems and aspirations. It is intended to use
>> existing community engagement mechanisms in Timbuktu to build trust and confidence in the emerging locality
>> model as well as informing its development.
Trans:
Were going to wash our hands of this service and pass it to charities etc while dressing it up as customer choice.
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Well Lygonos no need to prescribe medication in the future for insomnia sufferers just give them a copy to read :)
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I asked on another site for translation - "Go private or move abroad" was the executive summary.
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The thing that bothers me is that these people - specialists in confusion and the art of turning the simplest matters into weird nonsense - are recruited by governmental and municipal bodies and paid enormous amounts for their baleful efforts.
I know people who would look at me reproachfully for saying that, who might themselves have smiled on similar farragoes of balderdash and pretended manfully or womanfully to make sense of it. I've stared openmouthed in meetings of a communitoid nature at people who wanted to be and were like that.
It isn't the sort of thing a 'reasonable man', to use a traditional legal concept, could easily stomach. Or is it? Chui pas majoritaire moi quoi hein...
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>>and paid enormous amounts
Whilst they are certainly paid more than they are worth, it is not enormous amounts, at least not in my experience.
Several times I have been approached to do work within the public sector. With one exception the money offered has been somewhere around about 1/5th of what I would accept in the private sector.
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Obviously I'm not talking by your standards FMR... those are inconceivably dizzy. I'm talking by mine, those of a hopeless idle bohemian failure who can't even screw the full rate out of a small literary publisher half the time.
Sheesh, you young chaps... think everyone's made of rawhide and steel...
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I think having "idle" and "bohemian" enables you to escape being described as a failure.
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>> Trans:
>>
>> Were going to wash our hands of this service and pass it to charities etc
>> while dressing it up as customer choice.
Precis:
Lets pass the buck.
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>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
The sad thing is I understand it fluently because for over 36 years I worked for the company that almost singly handedly developed the language.
Whats even sadder I have recent experience of the problem they are trying to fix and agree that it can be fixed if all the services involved can be better used
No-one in the meeting is going to know that tho from that drivel.
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Apart from being gobbledygook, it's also lies. They have no intention of handing control and responsibility to the "service users" at the bottom. It's entirely based on "them" telling "us" what is good for us.
How on earth did you manage to mortgage your soul by working for such an organisation?
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH"
Rise above it, Lygonos; shrug your shoulders, roll your eyes, and rise above it. It's merely jargon perpetrated to impress others.
Medical people are never guilty of this sort of thing ;-)
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Nice to see Gus Hedges found employment when Globe Link folded.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we're missing the point here. Actually, the points:
1. Its fuzzy because its written by committee. Which isn't very effective - don't forget the camel is a racehorse designed by committee.
2. You're not meant to understand it. Good grief, next you'll think you're entitled to question it, and...
3. ...if you do, they can say "no no no, that's not what we meant", so...
4. ...when it doesn't work out the way they intended, they can also say it was a success because you'll never be able to decode what they were trying to do in the first place.
The key to the black art is to avoid plain statements and promising anything measureable!
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I found I was invited to fewer and fewer meetings, probably because my head would eventually hit the table and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I remember one chairman who said "we can't move on to the next item because the agenda says we have to continue with this one for a further twenty minutes" zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I wonder why I wasn't promoted very far?
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That isn't management speak. It's drivel.
I remember being in a meeting at a ftse 100 company that employed me (closest I've ever come to working in the public service). During a meeting, somebody started talking about granularity. Entirely bemused, I asked 'what is it?' 'Detail,' she said. And blushed. And then carried on talking about detail.
It can be stopped...
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I remember in the early 70s working in an office where one individual (older and much more serious) was always getting above himself. We prepared a dummy letter purporting to be from a customer to somebody 3 management grades higher. Written in a similar style to the example from L, but added some specific technical issues to make it possibly believable. This letter with an attached note requesting BB to ' please comment and to prepare a draft reply' found its way into the victims in tray, with a response needed within 48hrs. This was in the age when it was unheard of to just drift into somebody so seniors office for help. We had also done our homework knowing that the senior manager would be out on the final afternoon. The victim sweated himself to death for 2 days, before submitting a reply, which was then carefully extracted from the internal post.
To this day I do not think he realised that he had been set up. Nowadays I suspect we would be on a written warning for bullying:)
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Useful list, thanks :)
I've just had an email from somebody I'm getting some work through. I offered some times to do a call next week. The reply said they will "circle back" with the client and let me know.
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It takes a brave man to tell the CEO that he's talking drivel.
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Got an invite yesterday to a conference on 'Agile and Lean Development', which I'm at least aware of, but it includes a project management workshop on something called 'Scrum Droid'. No idea what that is, but it sounds like tremendous fun :)
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You seem to have a high-ranking job, Lygonos. Aren't you in a position to help put a stop to this nonsense?
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Management Speek - No FM2R
