I will cut to the chase, choose to spend NYE with my oldest mates in a suburb. I phoned the tram company and they said as longs as we are tram stop for 1:30 we will get back. Official guidelines was 1:00am.
We got to tram stop at 1:10 and waited for an tram that appeared on the PID, however it never showed up, ten minutes later it said "End of service, happy new year". My female friend was going to city centre, I and all other people were going to a suburb. I knew the buses were every 10 minutes into the city centre and made sure she had enough money to get home. I gave her £5 to cover her bus fair (which was more than enough).
I shared a taxi back with people trying to get to my area, knowing my female friend (who invited her self despite me trying to warn her about unreliable public transport) had a bus due every ten minutes. I got to my area and phoned her, she said bus still had not turned up, Half an hour later still no bus. I knew she only had £5 on her and a taxi back to hers was £20. She is very skint atm due to being in between jobs and being messed about on a new start date for a new job.
I asked my mates who live in the area I have been to (on their convenience) to go and check on her and give her £20 for a taxi which I will give them tomorrow, they did but were clearly very put out on this and I had to promise to buy them a very pints etc. It would have cost me about £40 return at NYE rates to get to her.
So what should I have done? Stayed with her to the bus came? Payed for her taxi? Or done nothing and just assume the bus would turn uo? In the end she got the bus home safely but it was over 55 minutes late.
I am really angry for several reasons, 1) for my female friend coming out despite me advising against it due her being skint, 2) the tram and then bus not turning up, 3) my mates attitude of being so put out when I asked them to go and check on her. They lived less than 5 minutes walk from her bus stop (and they were with us all night) where I was a £20 there and £20 back taxi ride away)
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 02:42
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Why didn't you make your woman friend sleep on the floor of your room Sheikha, or in the sitting room? Does no one crash on a friend's floor any more? What's the matter with you all, spending a goddam fortune on taxis instead of someone staying sober or even just risking it?
Hopeless, comrade. Hopeless. Be practical FFS!
Make a New Year resolution to that effect. It will make your life easier.
Have a good one though whether you make your gormless disobliging friends brace up or not.
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 03:28
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I decided many years ago that any short term mood benefit gained from alcohol is far outweighed by the inconvenience it causes.
I used to drink like the proverbial but it finally came to me about 20 years ago that I had achieved and experienced little useful while doing so. Much happier now to enjoy life to the full without staring at it through the bottom of a glass.
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I'm actually working sadly ! We use Chinese suppliers and they aren't on holiday.
Hey Ho !
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Apologies.
Enjoy the rest of the day, when you can.
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No apology required Crocks ! Happy New Year !
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Whereas I am grabbing a moment of sanity. Sister in law and my children are in the swimming pool, wife and Brother in law have opened yet another bottle of champagne, and I am sitting here on the computer with a brandy and a bottle of London Pride (an excellent pairing, by the way).
As for booze approach generally, well I am tipsy very frequently. I haven't been drunk in decades, it just feels so awful and I'm a control freak.
Happy New Year.
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NYE is a joke but now everybody is annoyed of with me. My female friend is now angry with me because I got my mother mates involved, my other mates are annoyed of with me because I made them go back out when they thought they were nicely looked up in bed.
Everybody thinks I over reacted tonight, but after the death of that guy who one of my best friends was his teacher and he was in a club which I frequent a lot I was a bit shook up.
I am sure she will forget and it realise I was only trying to make sure she was safe, and I am sure my mates will realise the same thing. I just have a lot of very different friends, they all know each other but some of them like a very quiet night in a pub, some of them are only happy when dancing on the dance floor to the Ramones,. I love both and try and keep them all happy. I love all my mates because twelve years I ago I had none.
In the end it all worked out well, we both got back for just £3 but it could have ended up differently. And yes the car this would have been no issue at all, in fact less than ten miles round trip but then this why I stay sober during the week and only drink at weekends.
In fact things like this make me realise just how miss I would miss my car if I didn't have it.
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 03:57
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As for my female friend nobody knows she exists, if her parents knew I would be in trouble, in that is why I feel so much responsibility for her, even know have been just friends for many many years I still feel that responsibility.
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>> Everybody thinks I over reacted
Really! Not like you at all ;)
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>>So what should I have done? Stayed with her to the bus came?
Yes.
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It sounds so simple, but then how would I have got home? We were both going to different places. In hignsight what I should have done is just given her £20 towards a taxi, but easier said than done when I had just lent her £80 towards her rent the day before. Money I will probably never get back,
I use the TGFM journey planner a lot and it is usually very reliable. I will be contacting the traffic concessioner about the buses that didn't turn up because they have an obligation by VOSA to run to a published time table, If there were no buses they should not have been advertised. I must point out I rely on night buses all the time at the weekend and they always turn up, sometimes they maybe 5 minutes late but that is about it.
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 04:14
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I can only tell you what I would have done. And I have never left a woman alone late at night, even when they are drunk, annoying and completely at fault, and even if I have subsequently made sure never to be in their company again.
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It is a true point but it is hard to get the balance right. My sister lives in Manchester city centre and always walks back at night after going out with her friends. Modern women want to be independence. No matter what I should never left her stranded at that bus stop, even if it did cost me £40 I would have made sure she got back. Her flat is near the bus stop so once she was on the bus the chance is she would be ok. She lives no where near me at all, she lives in the city centre, I live in a suburb.
I kept trying to put her off coming but she insisted she could get the bus etc. It wasn't practical for me to go back into the city centre with her as it was miles and miles away from where I needed to go, but I admit I should have given her taxi money, but she would have refused to take it anyway given the fact she now owes me close to £500 in total.
Incidentally she is now angry with me not because I left her there, but because I got my mates to check up on her.
Maybe I have been a horrible idiot for leaving here, but I honestly knew there was no real danger once she was on the bus, and the bus was due every 10-15 minutes. An other female friend we were with got her bus, but of course we were busy waiting for the tram which never turned up.
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 04:25
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Golden rule number one. Never leave a companion on their own during or after a night out until you are absolutely sure they are safe, especially after a few drinks. Look after each other.
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Lets ask the Panel what they think
BBD, what would you have done?
"I'd have taken her to a bar, got her drunk, and given her a roggering in the back of the taxi on the way home"
Thank you Dave.
Zero, what about you?
"Clearly she has been sponging off you for years, I'd have left her there and forgotten about her, after all I didn't invite her, now did I"
And finally, Pat - what about you?
"Get the lovely young lady a Taxi to her door, go down on one knee and propose to her, its about time you got a wife"
And there we have it. the panel has come down with the classic Snog, Marry, Avoid question.
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Why the stress Rattle? You tried to do your best by a friend - no harm done!
For what it's worth, what I've done under similar circumstances (but I can only talk for myself - I don't presume to say what anyone else should do):
1. If I felt responsible for a mate, *I'd* stay with them until I was satisfied they'd get home safely.
2. If I didn't consider myself responsible for them (e.g. if I'd offered help and she'd said no thanks) I'd leave them to their own devices.
3. Either way I wouldn't ask another mate to do the running for me. It's up to them to decide for themselves how they want to act. It seems they don't know your female friend - so looking after her is your concern, not theirs *if* you feel responsible for her.
But no harm done. You offered her what help you could, she got home safely, you asked another mate a favour and he said no-can-do, so you knew where you stood. Why should anyone have the hump? As AC says, why make things complicated?
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>> Why should anyone have the hump? <<
you clearly didn't, and turned down a gold plated opportunity!
make a 2014 NY resolutions now
- i must not turn down humping opportunities
- i am going to get out of my comfort zone at least once per week.
By 2015 i may become I, and you will have driven more tha 100 miles at go, been in aircraft, visited some special places (clinics?) :)
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Rattle seems sensible but also a worrier.
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>> make a 2014 NY resolutions now
>> - i must not turn down humping opportunities
>> - i am going to get out of my comfort zone at least once per
>> week.
>>
Add to that, I must stop being such a worry-guts. Take a risk now and then lad, you'll be surprised how much fun it can be. ;-)
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>>
>> Zero, what about you?
>>
>> "Clearly she has been sponging off you for years, I'd have left her there and
>> forgotten about her, after all I didn't invite her, now did I"
I'm with this geezer !
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Will posters kindly refrain from changing their forum names. It's very confusing. I'm all at sea.
Tar very much.
;)
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Rattle my son, you turned down an opportunity to take a female (quality unknown) back to her flat after a night out - your year is tarnished already!
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>> Rattle my son, you turned down an opportunity to take a female (quality unknown) back
>> to her flat after a night out - your year is tarnished already!
There's nothing like a good Rattle after a night out.
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>>It's very confusing. I'm all at sea.
Thanks for the clue, I was wracking my brains over who the Man From Uncle was.
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>> >>It's very confusing. I'm all at sea.
>>
>> Thanks for the clue, I was wracking my brains over who the Man From Uncle
>> was.
>>
You may blame a certain large German estate car driver who associated me with the TV character. :-)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhCzaCtRupQ
Last edited by: Uncle Albert on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 11:34
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Is that a 'real' beard I wonder? looks real enough but, it's amazing what they can in the make up dept.
And that's another thing I don't like about the 21st century, the TV progs were better in the olde days
(and the weather!)
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>> Is that a 'real' beard I wonder?
Cheek! I'll have you know that my set is 100% genuine. :-)
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>> Will posters kindly refrain from changing their forum names. It's very confusing. I'm all at sea.
>>
>> Tar very much.
>> ;)
I agree it’s confusing but you can have fun blowing their cover as it’s dead easy to work out who they were - if it’s not obvious enough from the style of their posts and views etc.
Most people have edited their posts at some point and the ‘last edited by’ details show the original name for posts they edited before they changed their name. Have look at Old Navy’s (sorry Uncle Albert’s) recent post in the Dishwasher thread 26 Dec 08:27 and you will see.
:-)
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For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
You know the first bit.
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>>You may blame a certain large German estate car driver
Ah, that'll be that D'Boat fella.
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Last edited by: Clk Sec on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 11:49
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Perhaps Rat's young lady was a little tipsy...I'd have called the Old Bill..got her locked up Drunk and incapable. She'd have been safe then.
Or killed her and hidden her in the bushes near the bus stop. Either way, £20 saved....result !
Copulatus diabolus !!
HO
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>> Or killed her and hidden her in the bushes near the bus stop.
>>
And people question looking out for their companions?
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Why does anyone go out New Years Eve? You only do the same as you do any other weekend, pay extortionate prices to get in anywhere, can't get to the bar because of all the once-a-year crowd pondering over which crisps to buy and then can't get home afterwards.
And all because you "Don't want to feel left out". Even in my drinking and gallivanting days I regarded it as mug punters night.
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>> Even in my drinking and
>> gallivanting days I regarded it as mug punters night.
Ditto. We used to do the night before.
Nowadays I sleep right through the lot...having turned my phone off, so that those daft enough to stay up don't interrupt my beauty sleep (my wife says I need it).
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>> It is a true point but it is hard to get the balance right.
I think you did the right thing Rattle...and it is unrealistic for you to stand there at her bus stop...but nevertheless you did cover her safety.
For those that think you were over the top, let them think it. You are simply looking at a bigger picture and being more mature than some of those around you. It speak volumes that your mates did actually turf out at your request..so they have a respect for you that was worth them doing something they didn't want to.
In my teens I was labelled Captain Sensible...I didn't give a hoot then and still don't...I'm happy in my little world, if others laugh at it or don't like it, good luck to them, it doesn't affect me.
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>> >> It is a true point but it is hard to get the balance right.
>>
>>
>> I think you did the right thing Rattle...and it is unrealistic for you to stand
>> there at her bus stop...but nevertheless you did cover her safety.
>>
>> For those that think you were over the top, let them think it. You are
>> simply looking at a bigger picture and being more mature than some of those around
>> you.
Well said. Rattle stuck his head above the parapet to do the right thing. Fair point about infantilization, but once you have decided to be the responsible one, you have to see it through.
I don't know Manchester very well these days. I spent a night at the Travelodge at Ordsall ("Salford Quays" sounds so much nicer) not long after Kiaran Stapleton shot dead an Indian student nearby on Boxing Day 2011, and found myself walking back there late on. Statistically it might be safe but I wouldn't advise wandering about there in the early hours.
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>> It sounds so simple, but then how would I have got home?
That's a rather selfish attitude, being a friend and all that.
>> I had just lent her £80 towards her rent the day before. Money I will probably never get back
Rattle, she ain't a friend. She's a sponger. If she can't afford her rent, but then goes out on the lash with you and your mates (presumably you had to buy her drinks all night too?) then she's just having a laugh at your expense. She needs to get her priorities right by the sounds of it. If she hasn't any money now, what's she going to do later in life?
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If you are (or suspect you are) going to make yourself responsible for the safety of another person be they an adult or a child, then during that period of responsibility just don't drink. Gives you options and keeps you more rational.
Not too hard to do that is it?
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Rattle you seem to be a really good guy. However, as has been pointed out, she does seem to be getting a lot of benefit from being your friend. Perhaps that's why others were not happy at being inconvenienced. For what it is worth I think you behaved correctly. New year resolution - think of yourself more. AC are you really suggesting someone should risk drink driving ? or hopefully I misread the post.
Last edited by: scot22 on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 12:30
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>> >> I had just lent her £80 towards her rent the day before. Money I
>> will probably never get back
>>
>> Rattle, she ain't a friend. She's a sponger. If she can't afford her rent, but
>> then goes out on the lash with you and your mates (presumably you had to
>> buy her drinks all night too?) then she's just having a laugh at your expense.
>> She needs to get her priorities right by the sounds of it. If she hasn't
>> any money now, what's she going to do later in life?
>>
My thoughts exactly !
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>> >> It sounds so simple, but then how would I have got home?
I've walked home from the city many times...same distance.
Not for a good few years, though !
HO
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>> I've walked home from the city many times...same distance.
>>
>> Not for a good few years, though !
>>
>> HO
>>
Me too. Always amuses me when city dwellers whine about the last train being at just before midnight, or there's no bus for at least an hour, etc. Ten miles is nowt, and has the added advantage of giving you a weeks worth of exercise and clearing most of the booze out of your system before you get home.
Try being brought up in a small village where the last bus to the nearest town (which in reality was only a large village) was ten past six at night, and a three mile walk home.
Before anyone goes on about worse after privatisation, the service in my home village is now ten times better, twice as quick and even has a bus in the wee small hours at weekends to get night-clubbers home. You don't know you're born these days. ;-)
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>>I've walked home from the city many times...
Not another one, shirley.
Are you from Keynsham, spelt...
;)
Last edited by: Clk Sec on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 13:00
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>> (who invited her self despite me trying to warn her about unreliable public transport)
or
>> I must point out I rely on night buses all the time at the weekend and they always turn up, sometimes they maybe 5 minutes late but that is about it.
Which?
And however inconvenient a taxi, bus, walk home or whatever would have been, how would you have explained and justified that not only to her friends and family the next day if there had been a nasty incident, but also to yourself?
I also agree with Gromit's point; whatever you decided you should have handled it yourself, not dumped the load on your mates.
I would have got her home safely and then avoided her company in the future.
Last edited by: No FM2R on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 12:51
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What interests me is the way Rattle's friends have to scuttle home to kip like little teenagers with stern parents, not like the young adults they actually are.
What has happened to the common practice of crashing on a friend's floor, or their parents' sitting room, or even in their car for heaven's sake, when the last bus has gone or there are other transport problems? That's what we used to do when much younger than the Sheikh is now. If people are going to worry about their elderly nippers, there's always the telephone for purposes of reassurance. There were no mobiles in my young day.
What is the explanation for this apparent infantilization of Manchester twenty- and thirtysomethings? Tell us Sheikha.
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>>What is the explanation for this apparent infantilization of Manchester twenty- and thirtysomethings?
Exactly my thoughts. At his age, I'd already owned several properties, was living abroad running a division of a large company, been married (and divorced) once and think I might just about have been able to stay up a bit late without reference to anyone really, and possibly even come up with a suitable transport solution for myself or anyone who needed my assistance without having too much stress about it !
;-)
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AC, you make a good point. To read and then guess the ages you'd think it was about a bunch teenagers on one of their first nights out ever. Perhaps I'm being harsh, but I do wonder what would happen if anything important needed sorting out.
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To clarify we only went to a crappy chain bar which was as awful as it sounds, but it was free entry. We stayed at my mates flat most the night, so all it didn't cost my friend anything at all other than a cheap bottle of wine she bought.
Public transport on is normally very reliable, but I tried to warn here because on NYE thing do chance, but more to point I knew her coming would be more hassle, and it turned out to be case.
She is sorting out her finances and I have made it very very clear that I can't lend her another penny. I won't give too much way but she has been messed about with a starting date for a new job which has caused her to not have enough money for the rent.
She wasn't really that drunk, she had drank half a bottle of wine in the space of five hours, I was more drunk than she was.
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I cannot go into the reasons here why she couldn't just kip in a car, sofa etc etc. It is a very complicated situation. I should not have made this thread, I broke the golden rule and made a thread while drunk.
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>> It is a very complicated situation.
No situation is so complicated that Rattle cannot make it more so.
:)
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Re kipping in cars -
Years ago I played a bit of rugby. Our hooker ( the guy who is in the middle of the front row of the scrum for those who don't know ) and who resembled the Honey Monster, used to like a drink at the rugby club bar on a Saturday night.
He lived out of town so his habit was to crawl onto the back seat of his car in the club car park after the bar shut and sleep it off under a rug.
Anyway, this one night he was woken by a thief trying to hotwire his car in the front seat, obviously blissfully unaware of the 6'-4", 18 stones of hooker with a headache immediately behind him.
Suffice it to say it probably wasn't his best criminal decision ever...
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>>Suffice it to say it probably wasn't his best criminal decision ever...<<
The balls are a funny shape after a game, aren't they?
:)
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I would have waited with her, how I got home would have been lower down the list of priorities. But that's just me, the way I was told to behave by parents if I'm out with a lady, even now I will always drop my ladyfriend off at her entrance door even though she says to drop her off at the end of the road. You never know where a pervert may be lurking.
You did what you felt was right at the time, no one can blame you for that. I have some friends who wouldn't do what I do but then I'm always seen as one of the sensible reliable ones in my group, served me quite well at times though, still is... :-)
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>> I broke the golden rule and made a thread while drunk.
>>
If you will forgive me - not the first time that you have broken your own golden rule, is it?
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>>What interests me is the way Rattle's friends have to scuttle home to kip like little teenagers with stern parents,
You make a good point; And these are not young adults, at 30+ they are the real thing.
Mind you, I cannot imagine how it would have worked living under my parents' roof at that age at all.
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>> I cannot imagine how it would have worked living under my parents' roof at that age at all.
I can... it would have become noisy and soon unbearable for all parties.
My parents weren't heavy-handed and wouldn't have dreamed of chucking me out. They welcomed me to stay whenever I wanted and welcomed my friends too, even girlfriends provided we behaved discreetly... no question for example of sharing a bed or even room. Times have changed a lot since then and parents are more collusive now. The point is that my (very scatty in those days) lifestyle, for want of a better word, would have worried them even more than it did if they had had it permanently before their eyes. They could at least hope for the best, poor old darlings, when my misbehaviours and idiocies were taking place in that far-off sink of iniquity London. Some of my stories made them laugh when they weren't too shocked.
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Is just the way it is, a lot of the people I grew up with are still living at home. High rents etc. The only way I could easily move out is to move to a different area and get a new job. My business is based in the house and it I cannot run it from a rented flat.
I did try and move out when I got my office, but I was struggling at that time so it up. I am going back to college later in the year and then back to university in 2015 so I am saving up for that and I will see my car to part pay for the costs. Until then things just carry on as normal.
There is not really any major issues living at home, I do want to move out but not at all costs.
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 17:12
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Rattle, I urge you to trust this tip. If you don't stand on your own two feet soon it'll be too late. While ever you have the financial and emotional safety net of living with your parents you'll never fight hard enough.
When the only person in your corner is you, it's amazing what you can achieve.
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>>
>> When the only person in your corner is you, it's amazing what you can achieve.
>>
You're dead right there.
I only learnt to cook when the first Mrs O'Reliant had enough of me and went back to mum. It was either that or starve.
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Runfer is absolutely correct. And when he says "soon", he doesn't mean a year from now.
And my concern is not that you actually live with your parents at your age, but that you are comfortable doing so.
"Comfort" is not necessarily a good thing, especially in someone who has not built their own life yet.
By your age my wish for more and different had driven me to house ownership, world travelling, and an amazing amount of experiences, including bad ones.
One day you will not be able to live with your parents, that is not the time to start learning how to live on your own.
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"...move to a different area and get a new job..."
Honestly Rats, that's the best thing bar none you could do for yourself this year. Mark is right, it could be the making of you. A sandwich year in Europe was for me as a student (I went to uni in my home town)
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He is not unusual, I know several men late 20s early 30s still at home. His priority should be to focus on his career and that will dictate where and how he lives. Alternatively find a wealthy girlfriend.
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>>I know several men late 20s early 30s still at home.
And how many of them are adventurous and well-travelled with a successful career and adult relationships? And how many of them have ambitious plans for what assure everybody they're going to do tomorrow?
Not impossible, of course. But not usual.
Last edited by: No FM2R on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 18:36
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I've just re-read my own post and want point out that I don't want you to interpret it as bullying. It's meant to be encouragement.
Look at the positives. You're young (ish ), you speak a first world language, you've had the benefit of a first world education, you have qualifications and experience in a first world modern industry and from what you've said you have no real ties.
Boy oh boy, I think a lot of us old farts here would envy you all those factors.
There's a big wide exciting world out there for the taking by the likes of you.
Or you could live with your mum and get drunk at weekends in the town you grew up in.
I know what I'd do.
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>>>get drunk at weekends in the town you grew up in.<<<
"grew up" = past simple of grow up
defn: When someone grows up, they gradually change from being a child into being an adult.
some people may question this?
Bullying probably - but all for your own good. Move out, move on.
Last edited by: sherlock47 on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 20:28
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I'm not sure what you're going back to university to study - and I'm not sure how it will benefit you. Unless it's something than IT related - e.g. PGCE. But you can get training to be a teacher without going back to university for a PGCE.
If you have plans then leaving them to 2015 seems a bit of a waste of time though. Do it this year. Just saying - none of my business of course.
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I often tease Rattle, which he takes well and doesn't seem to be bothered by, and urge him to broaden his attitudes to driving and travelling abroad by car, which I know would be enjoyable and instructive, but which he ignores or rejects with the shabby excuse that he doesn't like driving.
But I wouldn't dream of telling him he'd better get a move on and this is the last chance saloon, although it's clear that those saying these things mostly mean well. Everyone's life pattern is different, and their career with it. I have only a sketchy understanding of his business and profession anyway, so if I were to start telling him to get his finger out pronto I probably would be 'bullying'. Basically though it would be jumped-up of me. If I'm so smart why ain't I rich? There's nothing - absolutely nothing - exemplary in my own 'career'. It's been an utter shambles all the way.
He's quite good at taking little or no notice of things though. More eccentric than fragile. Could do with a bit of wider culture perhaps as we all could. There's plenty to choose from.
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Wed 1 Jan 14 at 22:54
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NYE what a joke - Public transport failure etc - Armel Coussine
