(From our American friends........just too good not to pass on. )
THE 2011 DARWIN AWARDS
You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards:
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS....
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 's*** happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.
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Call me a miserable old git, but I find most of those quite sad really - yes, they might have been stupid, but the price they paid (generally) seems excessive.
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I agree with your comments.
It does however remind us to be alert to folks doing the " unexpected" especially when we are driving.
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I first heard that elephant story about 12 years ago. The zoo in Paderborn is actually tiny, and as far as I know does not have elephants.
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The best one was the gun shop robber.
Sad, yes, but a hilarious example of pure Tom and Jerry slapstick.
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>> The best one was the gun shop robber.
>>
>> Sad, yes, but a hilarious example of pure Tom and Jerry slapstick.
Yes agree, but it has a frightening aspect
>Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent >autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons.
a less than 50% hit rate, in an area the size of a shop!
> No-one else was hurt
Lord knows how, 24 rounds went somewhere else than the attended target!
Of course its probably all fiction anyway. We hope
Last edited by: Zero on Fri 16 Mar 12 at 15:01
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If it happened here it'd be time for the next awards before anyone was allowed out of the crime scene of a shop, never mind the paperwork that would take until the next millennium.
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>> Of course its probably all fiction anyway. We hope
Half fiction anyway, according to Rob's urban myths website. In fact that version seemed to ring a faint bell in memory. It's paradoxically both less sad and less funny.
It is notoriously difficult to shoot accurately with a pistol, especially in a hurry. A deliberate approach is best. To survive as a famous gunfighter in the Wild West a person really needed to be a cold-blooded murderer, opening fire without warning and shooting people in the back if possible. Movies usually give a very misleading impression of the effectiveness of pistols even at short range. But by the same token, innocent passers-by are always at risk.
Someone who quite liked firearms and had lived in Mexico City once told me never to drink in a bar in Mexico if there were any police officers drinking there. He said they were liable to get ugly and start shooting people with their 1911 Navy Colt .45 automatics.
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It's the internet - who to believe ?
www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin06.asp
suggests much of it is unrecorded/unverifiable but has been floating around for years
Last edited by: borasport on Fri 16 Mar 12 at 15:47
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zookeepers, tut tut
Last edited by: VxFan on Sat 31 Mar 12 at 23:58
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This is a highly embellished account of a real-life incident that occurred in Renton, Washington on February 3, 1990. According to a series of reports published in the Seattle Times, what actually happened is this:
Thirty-three-year-old David Zaback entered H&J Leather & Firearms Ltd. at approximately 4:40 in the afternoon brandishing a .38-caliber semiautomatic handgun and announced his intention to rob the store. He threatened to shoot anyone who got in his way.
Having apparently failed to notice the police car parked in front of the gun shop when he walked in (true!), Zaback found himself confronted by a uniformed officer and an armed clerk, who ordered him to drop his gun. Zaback opened fire instead, drawing a fatal volley of shots from the clerk and the policeman, both of whom survived the shootout unharmed.
According to the county medical examiner, Zaback was shot a total of four times (not 23) and died a few hours later in the emergency room. "Several" armed patrons also drew weapons, the Times confirms, but none actually fired on Zaback, contrary to the version of events given in the email. It was later determined that the clerk, whose weapon was a 10mm semiautomatic pistol (not a .50 Desert Eagle), fired the fatal shot.
From an Urban Myths website.
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Small problem with the Runner Up. The man who bungee jumped first fell onto a road and the man who emulated him fell into a river, from the same bridge. I think all these are very loosely based on events which did occur but are falling into the alligatotrs in the sewers and poodles in the microwave allegations area
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"Roberts, aged 47, of Bond Street, who has previous offences for drugs matters, including cultivation of cannabis in 2009, pleaded guilty to producing cannabis.
Coghlan, of the same address, who has no previous convictions, pleaded guilty to producing cannabis and possessing a firearm with intent to cause fear of violence.
They accepted there was an element of commercial supply in the growing of the cannabis."
What in the name of all that is sane are they getting 12 month suspended sentences for?
What an advert for people to start growing their own blow.
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www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChIF6yvTL6k&feature=fvst
I've read the article not in the big league arn't they.Some plants for their own use and a weapon (Airgun)You do more damage with a penknive.
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I would have thought 5 years for the firearms offence..
But then the Criminal Justice System is designed to punish the innocent and protect the guilty...
Meanwhile a drunk twitterer gets 45 days in prison..
Last edited by: madf on Thu 29 Mar 12 at 08:49
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......................and then you have a boozed up young fellow getting 56 days for comments he made on Twitter!
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www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-32201995
...fishermen rescued from £9 homemade boat
Clacton RNLI said the boat, made from insulation boards, had been "held together with coat-hangers" and glue.
this afternoon, my car alarm sounded ( not triggered by me) for the first time since I bought the car. It was parked in the street in its normal spot.
I switched the alarm off and could then hear several other car alarms.
SWMBO then informed me that some @@@@@ had blasted down the road at a ridiculous speed.
( Only residents and visitors use the road. )
Another Darwin candidate
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>> this afternoon, my car alarm sounded ( not triggered by me) for the first time since I bought the car. It was parked in the street in its normal spot.
I switched the alarm off and could then hear several other car alarms.
SWMBO then informed me that some @@@@@ had blasted down the road at a ridiculous speed.
( Only residents and visitors use the road. )
Another Darwin candidate
YEEE-HAH! What an amusing thing to do. Like Iago shouting 'Fire!' in the night and bringing the sleepy citizens out onto the cold cobbles. Set the cat among the suburban pigeons, that @@@@@ of yours.
'But going so fast... what if a child ran out?'
I know, I know. Dangerous behaviour. Utter disgrace. Ought to get six months' hard and a lifetime ban.
But YEEE-HAH all the same.
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>>'But going so fast... what if a child ran out?'
>>
Seriously
The kids are on holiday else it is a walking route from the local junior school and also where the slightly older kids do cycle training.
Fortunately commuter car alarms were not triggered else we may have hours of the chorus :-).
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Most yobbish drivers of that sort are quite competent and quick reacting. They don't often cause disasters.
Most urban professional drivers, including south London minicab pilots, are quite decorous. It's an economic thing. I was disapproved of for going fast.
And there was this rural hobbledehoy who turned up with a Vauxhall VX 4/90, something like that, very nice spotless car but, er, green as the other drivers gloomily pointed out. The hobbledehoy was an extremely reckless driver, far worse than me, a bit thick and thought he led a charmed life as young idiots do. After a few weeks he came to grief doing 80-plus down Lavender Hill I think, injuring the innocent citizen in the car he hit.
Can't remember if he had a punter on board, but I guess not. Anyway that was the end of him, back down the sticks with you, idiot!
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It is though, more than just a bit stupid to drive recklessly in a built up residential area. Humans, even small ones, or even dogs and cats make a hell of a mess of the bodywork if hit hard enough. Then there's the paperwork, the remorse, the being hated, the prison sentence...
It's just easier to take a bit of care when it's obviously a good idea to do so.
Not that I don't like making progress, but a bit like drinking, swearing and getting naked, there's a time and a place.
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>>Most yobbish drivers of that sort are quite competent and quick reacting.
Really? Most of the yobbish drivers I see appear to be total planks.
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>> Most of the yobbish drivers I see appear to be total planks.
You don't get it do you FMR? Don't worry though. For what it's worth, most of the respectable drivers I see appear to be total planks too. Statistically, they are far more likely to cause a disaster than yobbish ones.
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>> Statistically, they are far more likely to cause a disaster than yobbish ones.
You may need to revisit your understanding of the word 'statistically'........
Last edited by: Bromptonaut on Tue 7 Apr 15 at 19:40
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>> You may need to revisit your understanding of the word 'statistically'........
Only too likely. No patience with dreary maths.
Even so, I know a lethal mimser when I see one, and I see a lot of them. Another thing is that I can tell the difference between a yobbish driver and a reckless one. That seems to be an intellectual challenge for some here. Sanctimonious prats.
Just stay out of the way. awright?
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>> SWMBO then informed me that some @@@@@ had blasted down the road at a ridiculous
>> speed.
>> ( Only residents and visitors use the road. )
>> Another Darwin candidate
>> 'But going so fast... what if a child ran out?'
youtu.be/n5kUZ8Kn-ko
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>>
>> 'But going so fast... what if a child ran out?'
>>
But that's Darwin too. Some of the candidates are completely innocent, but unfortunately the principle requires that a propensity to run out into the road has to be weeded out of the gene pool too.
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>> propensity to run out into the road has to be weeded out of the gene pool too.
I was thinking of saying that although sometimes children do run out and get injured by innocent passing drivers, most urban children aged over six or seven will have ears attuned to fast-running cars and will look out cautiously. After all that approach will have been dinned into them by parents and carers. Being young though they are sometimes carried away by the rhythm of a chase, and that can be dangerous.
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Aaaand one year on, we have a definite candidate for the win!
A pop star in Indonesia has died after being bitten by a cobra mid-performance on stage.
Irma Bule astonishingly carried on singing for a further 45 minutes before she collapsed in front of fans.
The show must go on!
news.sky.com/story/1674169/pop-star-bitten-by-cobra-sings-on-before-dying
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>> Irma Bule astonishingly carried on singing for a further 45 minutes before she collapsed in front of fans.
>> The show must go on!
If the lady had sought treatment straight away instead of carrying on with the performance, she might still be with us. She must have been in considerable pain.
Cobra venom is certainly deadly although not the very deadliest snake venom (Russell's Viper is worse, and the South African puff adder is widely praised for its deadliness). I imagine there are ways of neutralizing the poison but perhaps I'm wrong.
Chopping the area around the bite with sharp knife and sucking the blood and venom out by mouth (not if your teeth are given to bleeding though) used to be recommended. Potassium permanganate could be rubbed in with beneficial effect I seem to remember.
Africans tend to run a mile when they see any sort of snake, better safe than sorry sort of thing.
Is a puff adder the same as a boomslang?
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>> Chopping the area around the bite with sharp knife and sucking the blood and venom out by mouth (not if your teeth are given to bleeding though) used to be recommended. Potassium permanganate could be rubbed in with beneficial effect I seem to remember.
Our 1940s Sri Lanka snakebite kit contained among other things a sharp scalpel and a jar of beautiful purple potash crystals.
>> Africans tend to run a mile when they see any sort of snake, better safe than sorry sort of thing.
Sensible cats those rural Africans. Keen not to tangle with mambas, adders and so on. You'd have to be pretty intrepid to hold one down with a forked stick and get it firmly by the throat. Snakes move like lightning and they are mean so-and-sos.
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>Snakes move like lightning and they are mean so-and-sos.
I used to be scared stiff of snakes but got used to the critters when we lived in Namibia. They are not mean, pretty much all of them will have legged it before you get close to them. Puff Adders are one of the exceptions, they are well camouflaged and have an annoying habit of curling up on open ground just waiting to be stepped upon.
Mrs K found one sunning itself on the gravel car park outside her office.
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"Is a puff adder the same as a boomslang?"
Different beast I believe.
Boomslangs are not nice although quite pretty
"What this snake’s venom does to you would not be out of place in a horror movie. It’s hemotoxic, meaning that it destroys red blood cells, disrupts the clotting process and causes tissue and organ degeneration. What this unfortunately means is that massive hemorrhage ensues, causing the victim to bleed from the gums, nose and other orifices. Sometimes, the body of the victim will turn blue because of the widespread internal bleeding. Adding insult to injury, the process can be extremely slow, sometimes taking 5 days for the victim to die of internal bleeding. Thankfully, there is an antivenom, so if you’re bitten by one of these guys- don’t hang about."
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>>causes tissue and organ degeneration...massive hemorrhage ensues, causing the victim to bleed from the gums, nose and other orifices...
Sounds a lot like my mother in law's gravy that.
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>>
>> Is a puff adder the same as a boomslang?
>>
Nope.
The puffadder is a lazy sod who just basks in the sun. But because it is so lazy, it blends in with the ground, and is stepped on a lot.
boomslang lives in trees.
Also, their poisons work in different ways - puffy causes massive destruction of tissue.
From wiki - The venom of the boomslang is primarily a hemotoxin; it disables the coagulation process and the victim may die as a result of internal and external bleeding.
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The krait. Found in Malaya (as was) and India. We were warned, but the the bite is not immediately obvious in all cases. Untreated mortality rate of 70-80%. Bare foot nocturnal wandering best avoided!
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>> The krait.
I think that's the Russell's viper. lies in the dust looking like a grey twig and jumps into the air when touched. I know because I poked one with a stick and it hit me I believe with its tail... little small thing. I was lucky.
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>> >> The krait.
>> I think that's the Russell's viper.
Called in the Ceylon of my childhood 'tik polonga'. Does that ring a bell with any Sinhala speakers here?
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>> Called in the Ceylon of my childhood 'tik polonga'. Does that ring a bell with any Sinhala speakers here?
Most likely Sinhala, but I don't really know. Could be Tamil or even Vedda (indigenous aboriginal Sri Lankans still to be seen in the forties).
It's a wonderful place with extraordinary convoluted history ending up with Portuguese, Dutch then British colonialism. But before that with invasions from southern India. Unreasonably rich culture and language map. Big old (dunno how old, but hundreds of years I think) coloured frescoes under the overhang on Sigiriya rock, protected by 10foot-long honeycombs made by the bees there, which can kill yo ass... There are bee-proof refuges in case the little devils get riled by someone making a vulgar noise.
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thith polonga (à¶à·’à¶à·Š පොලඟà·) in Sinhala
The Krait is again a different animal. Both sometimes deadly though. Lucky we don't have such things here.
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>> The Krait is again a different animal. Both sometimes deadly though
My impression is that all these terms are used loosely and variably. Hardly surprising given that there are several kinds of deadly small snake in those fertile jungly places.
Vipers' poison fangs are normally hinged back out of the way. When they open their mouths to strike the fangs flick out. A terrifying sight which must for many people have been pretty well the last sight they saw.
Jeez I'm giving myself the horrors...
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>Jeez I'm giving myself the horrors...
If you want the horrors look at what a Puff Adder bite did to this poor girls foot.
Warning, not for the squeamish.
www.sareptiles.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=10815&start=30
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Better than all the colours of the rainbow.
Incidentally we had one of those today, a very clear hard one, the end coming down on the other house here, fantastic sight. The other end was right out of sight.
Let's just hope the huge pot of gold is forthcoming. We'll be fine without it, but something like that can only be welcome.
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Kev, I didn't post on purpose.
And yes, 'squeamish' fits the bill
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2011 USA Darwin awards - Focusless
