As requested by R.P.
;-p
What was your most embarrassing moment?
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Oh I've had loads ! The one I was referring to in the other thread was at a Clapton concert in the Echo Arena in Liverpool a couple of years ago...
The support band were playing - and the crowd were getting settled - I noticed a chap standing not so far from us - he was an arty type dressed sixties style complete with a goatee beard and a black slouch hat (reminiscent of Hancock's Artist) - he was holding a certain pose that wouldn't have been out place on that very film. I helpfully pointed him out to Mrs RP - and shouted words to the effect of "Look darling at that C**k !" - the music suddenly stopped at the point that the last word came out of my mouth........followed by complete silence........cue tumbleweed.....
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'Spose I'd better post one....
At work one day, my phone rang, and it was one of the salesman's number.
He looked a bit like DLT.
'What do you want, you hairy faced wally?' (or something similar)
The voice that replied wasn't the salesman - It was the owner of the company, who was also sporting a fine beard......
Good job he had a good sense of humour, and understood mine.
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As a 9 year old kid I went to the swimming pool by myself. On the way out I fell in the paddling pool and walked home dripping wet. I felt stupid, but In reality I doubt anyone noticed.
Ten years later I fell off a punt into the Cam ... still can't swim properly.
The one that really hurts, 'cos it just isn't in my nature, was trying to bribe a shipping official to load a rather important cargo which had technical difficulties because it was considered hazardous. They took it as deck cargo.
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I was in Waitrose a few months ago and managed to knock a jar off a bottom shelf; it fell and cracked on the floor. I went to a checkout that was waiting for trade and said to the mid 50s lady "I'm afraid I've had an accident" She reached out and touched my arm and replied "Oh, you poor thing" thinking I was referring to something closer to home!
Last edited by: Meldrew on Sun 12 Feb 12 at 18:29
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I ran into the back of a taxi in a wet Theobald's Road in my Citroen Bijou. The actual body damage wasn't bad but to stop the horrible clamour from the fan I hadto do something about the slightly bent fan cowling. In the process a fan blade cut the upper last joint of my little finger.
Fearing tendon damage from this dirty cut, I wrapped the finger in my hanky and drove to the hospital up there in Gray's Inn Road. I was soon seen by some nurses but when they unwrapped the finger I passed out at the sight of the very small deepish (but of course harmless) cut.
Awoke on aa bed thingy with a winsome black nurse jeering in my face 'Great big coward man!' etc. Made me feel at home sort of thing, but I couldn't help trying to blush through my pallor...
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Me? so many moments, so little time to list them all....
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>> so many moments, so little time to list them all....
Bit of a copout surely? Just pick one that isn't really, really embarrassing, like the rest of us.
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Time for 10 posts so far today! You can find something.
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>> Time for 10 posts so far today! You can find something.
Ok, in at number 10 was the time I rushed into Notre Dame Cathedral with a short legged gait and a ruck sack under my coat at the back, loudly saying loudly "the bells they made me deaf you know" only to find there was a funeral service in progress....
At number 9, was the time my tripod fell off the Torre pendente di Pisa (the leaning tower to you and me)
It gets worse from there.
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Most embarrassing moment you said?
Well, its like this see ... it happened about 17 years ago, but it still make me cringe, even now!!!
I was staying at my German (Prussian actually) GF's house in New Polzeath, N. Cornwall,
The main toilet was downstairs and there was a small WC upstairs which she mainly used,
One day I decided to use it as I was upstairs anyway, so I thought why not,
I was on the pan with my trousers around my ankles, when all of a sudden the door opens!!!
:(
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Similar tale a pal had gone into a Portaloo (yes a genuine one) and was having a Pony when the insecure door was opened by a lady - she helpfully pointed to the woman in a frock symbol on the door....
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Oh heck RP you've just reminded me.
Few years ago when East Midlands apt was a lot smaller, we'd unload rental cars literally 200 yds from the main terminal.
Just unloaded a load of Avis' best but desperate for a pony, so in me smock (transporter drivers of the old school always wore a smock) and sporting me clipboard with paperwork and a pocketful of keys i shot into the terminal.
Straight into the bog and the place was empty, sat down and bliss..aaahhh.
Anyway i'm contemplating the joys of life and then wondered why there was a small dustbin beside the pan??? yep you guessed it, i'm in the ladies.
Now how do i get out of this without gettingarrested as some pervert, after listening carefully till the place sounded empty again i ventured out clutching clipboard and counting imaginary things and making notes, probably not a good act but i had little else to go on boom boom.
Woman sitting on seat outside the loo gave me a knowing smile but i reckon i got away with that one officially, anyway got me papers signed and buzzed orf sharpish and never heard another thing, phew.
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Polzeath... some time about 1943 we had a summer cottage there (our windows had been broken by the Germans or something). There was a bank at the bottom of the garden. I was caught peeing into the road off it by my favourite aunt, a lady who took no prisoners.
She wasn't really horrible of course but I was so annoyed at being rumbled that I peed on the floor of the outside loo on purpose. Of course I was only four or five.
As for getting caught sitting on the bog, anyone who cares about that won't last long in some of the places I've been,
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Sun 12 Feb 12 at 21:11
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As for getting caught sitting on the bog, anyone who cares about that won't last long in some of the places I've been,
Swanage ?
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One boring Sunday afternoon a colleague and I were patrolling in a car when we spotted a well known xcrote in the City centre. He was weaving about, on foot, and as we had nowt better to do we stopped and bundled him into the back seat as drunk and incapable.
He wasn't that incapable and, after some goading, leaned forward, grabbed the wheel and put us up the pavement. During the back seat fracas, his teeth interfaced with my fist drawing blood from my little pinkie.
I was advised, by the charge office sergeant, to go and get a tetanus jab so off I trotted to Ancoats hospital casualty.
My embarrassment arrived and my dignity left when the nurse assigned to my botty had pulled down my trollies, brandished her needle and pulled back a curtain where the other nurses, tipped of by her, were waiting for the peepshow.
How we chuckled on the way back to the nick...me half standing in the car ! Ooooh Matron !
Ted
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Mine was going with my ex-wife to meet a load of her uni mates in Swansea. We got horribly razzled and ended up in a night club well out of town. Couldn't get a taxi back to the town..so one of her mate's who still lived at home with her family, said we could stay with them as it was much closer.
The house was truly enormous right down near the beach somewhere. We roll in, get shown to a guest bedroom and that should have been that...
...trouble is Arthur Weakbladder needed a 'p' after several hours kip, so I got up and found the bathroom...trouble was I couldn't remember which bedroom i'd come out of.
I tried one, but there were two kids in there asleep, tried another, a man snoring..whilst contemplating life, stood just in my shreddies (fortunately) wondering what the hell I was going to do if I walked into a room and someone screamed...I leant against a child proof gate that was set up to stop kids going up an attic stair case...and knocked the sodding thing over, so it fell down the last three stairs.
The noise was unreal....after which a light came on at the end of the corridor and an older lady looking like something out of a cartoon sketch asked me what an earth I was up to..could I remember the name of the girl who'd said we could stay?
She soon guessed the score....somewhat firmly advised me which room I should be in and it was back to sleep.
Breakfast was frosty though....and the whole family were there brothers/sisters/grand children etc. Nightmare.
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I was about to leave the house to go to the car dealer to hand over my old car and collect my new car when I realised I couldn't find the keys to my old car. I rang the salesman to explain and (after much tut tutting!) he said he would bring the new car to my house. I was too embarrassed to ask how he would break into my old car and drive it away. After I'd rung off I started going back over my previous movements and finally found the keys where I'd put them ~ in the pedal-bin in the kitchen during a last minute tidy-up! I rang the salesman to say I'd found the keys, but I daren't tell him where I'd put them!
Last edited by: L'escargot on Mon 13 Feb 12 at 08:23
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I'll post a mate's embarrassing moment in the hope the 'op' won't mind:
Picture three young lads, making their way in life in the very early 80's. They knew each other in sunny Devon and have just started on their career paths, all are affirmed petrol heads, but don't have so much cash flow.
I'd gone to London and my cash flow was the best. I had purchased a Rover 2600 auto SD1 from a family friend who was a car dealer. It was a heap, albeit only 6 years old..but..for the 2.6 it actually went quite well.
'D' had joined the Royal Fleet Auxiliary and was finishing a course in Southampton, his cash flow had just started to improve. He had a Dolomite 1850, which was well clean and tidy.
'S' had gone through an apprentice scheme and was just staring to earn reasonable money. He had an older mk1 1600 GT Capri. It went quite well really and was quicker than the Dolomite.
We'd all gone to 'D's party at his student digs in Southampton, me from London, 'S' from Devon... and all three of us were now driving to Devon..in convoy.
Well it started civilised enough...but..as the journey progressed...it all got a bit quicker.. and quicker...etc.....until near Honiton somewhere on the A303, I flew over a slight hump type bridge, got the car all light and then had to do an emergency stop as there was road works and a queue of traffic waiting at a red light. It was a right old moment and got the heart pumping, but other than that no real dramas.
Trouble is I knew there were two following me.
'S' in the Capri came flying over the bridge..then got mightily squiffy trying to brake, with the car wanting to get out of line. It was both interesting to watch (in the mirror) and terrifying, as it was me he would hit...but fair enough he did manage to stop.
That left 'D'. I have never ever seen anything like it. The Dolomite was the more softly sprung car out of the three and it seemed to have daylight under it as he came over the bridge. Then there started the most amazing sequence of swings left and right as he braked hard, (I think the modern term is tank slapper)...before he lost complete control and started coming down the offside lane sideways in a huge pall of blew smoke.
Trouble was, on the offside was a petrol station and 'D' was heading right for it. He entered the forecourt sideways..and by some piece of good fate stopped before hitting the pumps, although he showered everything in a large cloud of dust and stones.
The car had ended up slightly diagonally parked near a pump...with all his blue smoke then drifting down the road towards him and past him. So what does 'D' do?...he got out, put the hose in his filler and pretended he had always intended to go in there for fuel.
He still gets jip about that to this day, some 26 years later....and 'yes' we did wise up to how dangerous it was and how little we all knew, but thought we did.
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I had an aunt (who lived to be 102) and in her 90s we took her to a shoeshop in Lincoln. Earlier in life she had run her own small business, and in the shoeshop we were served by a local (white) girl, but there was also a coloured assistant in the shop. My aunt, to the white girl "Where did you get her , then?"
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While I was still at schoolI worked for an up market chemist shop. I delivered beautifully wrapped private prescritions to customers using the corporate butchers type bike.
Lateish one Saturday evening just before closing time I delivered a packet of condoms to the wrong house ( next door) instead of the home of a high powered legal bod. There was no answer so through the letterbox they went.
There was one unhappy customer on the phone Monday morning !!!!
I never did admit my mistake and the goods were never traced
His son is now at the very top level of the legal profession and I have no idea if my mistake was any part of that but I have often wondered when I see his name in the news.
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There was no answer so through the letterbox they went.
Shouldn't they have gone through the French letter box ?
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We did some testing once on one of the Amonia Loading arms on the Jetties.
Worked with a bloke called Harry always had a good laugh with him.This day I pressed the wrong button (like you do) and released a pocket of Amonia vapour from the arm.
We had to run for our lives,very embarrassing.
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Having attended the funeral of a colleague who was sadly taken by cancer, as is customary we attended the bar for a drink. We were standing in a circle at the bar talking with the widow who finished a cigarette. She passed it to me asking me to put it out in an ashtray for her.
"What did your last slave die of?" says I :-O
Fortunately she did see the funny side of my instantaneous embarrassment .
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>>"What did your last slave die of?" says I :-O<<
(hehehe!) - good grief!
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That's reminded me of an incident in school. A good mate of mine lost his mum to cancer when we all around 17.
A group of of us was sitting around discussing the possibility of a weekend away. My mate admitted to being skint so couldn't come with us. One of the group said to him (obviously without thinking) "can't you borrow some dosh from your mum?" - or words to that effect. Quick as a flash, my mate replied, "what, pennies from heaven?"
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Your most embarrassing moment? - R.P.
