This possibly isn't relevant now sadly but my Grandpa had a stroke in the summer and has been in hospital ever since. He is 91 and getting more frail by the day. Doctors now think it is a matter of days but my grandpa is very tough and I think he may have a few more months or at least a few weeks in him yet :).
As his condition has worsened since his stroke he has been unable to go into a home and has been in hospital. Now of course the hospital is free on the NHS, but the nursing home would cost nearly £800 a week because he needs constant nursing care. Surely something doesn't seem right?
It is not fair that we all should pay for elderly care if that person has £100k's in the bank, its not fair people poor elderly people don't get the care they need because they can't afford it either. Its also not fair that people loose all their savings because they have no choice but to pay for expensive care so in that respect perhaps the current system is the fairest?
This is not a moan, but really an observation and something which one day may happen to us all.
Last edited by: VxFan on Sun 23 Oct 11 at 17:54
|
Either we all pay for it, or the person pays part/most from their own wealth.
Having 100 grand of house equity is just the same as 100 grand in the bank if you're never going home I guess.
|
Plus, of course, the inevitable safety net for those who are unable or unwilling to provide for their potential future care.
Staying in a hospital bed is easily 2-3 times as expensive as a nursing home placement, hence the inevitable pressure to use nursing homes rather than long-term hospital beds.
Bigger tax-breaks or benefits for family carers in lieu of nursing homes might be worth investigating, but I guess most people willing to look after 'gran' or 'grandpa' would not need financial bribery to do it in the first place so maybe it's a non-starter.
|
>>Bigger tax-breaks or benefits for family carers in lieu of nursing homes might be worth investigating, but I guess most people willing to look after 'gran' or 'grandpa' would not need financial bribery to do it in the first place so maybe it's a non-starter.<<
Might be popular with carers. Financial bribery isnt the driving force, but anything that frees up money for care is no bad thing, we have 5 different nurses on the payroll to cover all the times we need them, the more we can pay towards the care, the longer she stays out of nursing care.
|
My family take care of my nan. She is better off out of hospital, the district nurse told us that as she would be far more likely to pick up new illnesses nor would she receive the one-on-one care that she gets at home even in the best nursing homes.
The cost, aside from heating and lighting run up to £1000 a month in nursing, cleaning and general running around - MUCH cheaper than a care or nursing home for massively better care.
The support however for care in the home, esp within a family is woeful. My father has to keep on and on at agencies to get anything done. Her situation is as good as it is because all of us 'learnt on the job'. Now after a year of her being bed ridden we know a fair amount about monitoring her health, how to access services, how to get help and who from - its a minefield frankly, with no centralised method for accessing everything you need.
We also owe a great debt to the private nurses who's experience in dealing with the elderly is invaluable - they spot things early, they know how to sort stuff and they work closely with the family to create the best possible outcomes.
Rattle, I think you will find that currently if they have £100k, if they are taken into state care, they loose that money. But in terms of care in the home, capital at that level is useful for funding private care in the home as I can assure you, private individuals can get far better value for money than a local authority and access a better standard of service for the patient.
It costs what it costs, care settings with all the red tape are expensive to maintain, even harder to make it the best care possible, which is why my parents have already designed their situation to make doing the same for either of them easy for me and ill gladly put my all into caring for them in old age as we all do now for my nan. Not for everyone though must be said.
|
The £100k was just a random figure, my grandpa actually has no money at really because when he was at home most of his money went on carers.
He does however have the house.
I don't think I could do the caring thing, I would not have enough patience and many people are like that, so home caring would not work in a lot of cases.
|
I think if it's a medical condition then in theory the NHS is supposed to pay without means test. Or so a current advert from a firm of lawyers claims.
Of course it's a blury line between what's medical what's social, coping, eating, personal care etc, but one suspects who get's what is a mixture of regional vagaries and your pushiness.
|
|
My Grandmother spent the last 18 months of he life in a nursing home as she developed vascular dementia, IIRC it cost about £700 per week which had to be paid from her savings and once they had been depleted her house would have to have been sold, yet there were residents in there with her receiving exactly the same care but theirs was paid for 100% by the local authority as they had no money or assets. It does make you wonder sometimes what you achieve by trying to save.
|
>> money or assets. It does make you wonder sometimes what you achieve by trying to
>> save.
>>
You achieve dignity, and can be proud of yourself.
Sure, let the poor (or the scroungers) depend on the taxpayer; but if you can pay your own way through life and death, that to me is is the most satisfactory and dignified thing you can do. if we all took the attitude that the state can pay for us, we would be in a worse state than Greece is at the moment.
Last edited by: Suppose on Sun 23 Oct 11 at 18:54
|
|
More than one billionaire has spent the latter half of their life getting rid of their amassed fortunes - maybe everyone who has acquired significant wealth should think about this as they head towards old age - saves the Govt getting their hands on it as they inevitably will (at least in part).
|
Work hard, save your money and pay it out on care when you're old. Live on benefits all your life, or work and piddle it all away - the state will pay for your care.
Work hard, sacrifice a lot and send your kids to private school for a top notch education - then learn that those in power want to make it easier for non-privately educated kids to get into university so your kids miss out.
What is the point of bothering ?
I could go on and on about this - but then someone will suggest I'm an ignorant bigotted Mail reader.
|
Seems to me it's best to be ether so rich that £800 a week for a few years makes no difference, or so poor as to be unable to pay that for more than a fortnight.
Unfortunately, a lot of us fall into the middle.
I know of a couple of elderly people who have been forced to sell their homes to fund long term care, or spend most of their savings on it.
One is still with us, still in care, has next-to-nothing left, and his nursing home fees are now being by the local authority.
Arguably, he's too mentally debilitated to know or care, but at the very least it's a pity he now has nothing to leave his children.
Fair play to them, they made no attempt to hide or transfer his assets, even though they knew the likely outcome.
|
Hi I sympathise with your plight. I've looked into the cost of care homes in case I need them for my parents soon.
But i absolutely don't understand why it's so costly.
It's (not the same but similar) like the way we pay, supposedly, many thousands of pounds to keep a criminal locked up, or apparently a quarter of a million each to supply prince andrew's daughters with a bodyguard.
Who decides these figures?
How can it cost this much, whether care homes, or anything else?
I am applying for the job to guard andrew's daughters, then maybe i'll be able to afford to get my car back on the road
|
In my case sadly I don't think my grandpa will be well enough to ever see a care home.
However may grandma (not related to grandpa) may well soon need one as she is in her early 80's but is ageing quickly.
I suspect half of the high cost is the high profit the owners of such homes might be making.
|
|
I think you will find that many have closed down and there is an acute shortage of care provision because they are no longer profitable. Your problem is quite likely to be finding a suitable home within the funding provided by the council
|
>> I think you will find that many have closed down and there is an acute
>> shortage of care provision because they are no longer profitable. Your problem is quite likely
>> to be finding a suitable home within the funding provided by the council
+1
|
Yes. I won't go into facts and figures, but my job involves inspecting care homes, and whilst it was reported in the papers that one hundred were shut down due to incompetence, the truth was that only one was closed
That, to me, is incredibly worrying to any one of us who have relations who need care.
|
|
Southern Cross certainly had / has big problems re funding.
|
Or more likely as in in the home my grandma used to manage, the owners sold because the property they paid £50k for in the 80's is now worth over half a million.
|
Most of these homes were in big old mansion houses - which were sold because the cost of bringing them up to a nursing home standard (as opposed to simply being a collection of bedrooms inhabited by old people), was becoming prohibitive (read: unprofitable).
The large rise in property prices simply helped this decision in most cases.
Who wants a house that will smell of old-man-pee for decades ?
Last edited by: Lygonos on Sun 23 Oct 11 at 21:20
|
That is what they did with the home my grandma worked in, she was long retired before it closed though. They it converted into 12 flats and sold each one for over £120k.
Southern Cross problems affected my dads business as they were one of his customers.
I have a very distant relative who is in a home (she sold her house about 5 years before - long story) and has severe dementia. She was recently transferred to a new home due to a closure and she is a lot happier, so it shows the difference in care levels.
However these homes must be making a profit, otherwise surely they would all be shut?
|
In Scotland there is currently free personal care - help with dressing/washing, feeding etc BUT this is only as good as the carer that turns up /does not turn up.
The carers are often agencies who pay min wage and get some poor staff and a high turnover of staff. My MiL has 2 great carers most of the week but it falls apart at weekends when others are on duty.
My wife still puts in 30hrs+ per week - cleaning, shopping, laundry, taxi services, Dr Appts, company for her mother.......................for this she gets £70 carers allowance - roughly petrol of £25/£30 goes on trips up/down he road, much of the rest is spent on her mother for other necessities that an Old Age Pension cannot cover..............extra heating, replacing wornout household items etc.
You can have a Pension & Savings - if you live a normal span savings help out but if you live into your 90s any savings will have gone.
EG
Say you had £10K savings 30 years ago it would buy a small flat - £10K today would buy a small car even if you had managed to hold on to the savings, which many have not.
£10K would buy you approx 3 months care assuming - some oldies can hold out for donkeys years but the average stay in a care home is under 30 months
|
They have the same problems in the Netherlands.People are living longer with more health issues.
They are building flats for the over 55 age group with in house car if needed.
Best thing if you have any savings or property spend it before its to late and what you have worked and saved for is taking of you.
Happened to a aunty of mine years ago her two propertys payed for care not on.Having seen some of the homes people are in at old age.I hope if it happens to me somebody is kind enough to give me a bottel of good malt whiskey and some tablets to go out with.
|
>>The carers are often agencies who pay min wage and get some poor staff and a high turnover of staff. My MiL has 2 great carers most of the week but it falls apart at weekends when others are on duty.<<
Every home carer nurse we have had in does work on the side for local people and they have in turn put us onto other local carers who work in care homes during the week and do private work on the weekend. They cant make a living working for an agency, but they agency just gets them a customer base and then they pick up private clients from there on.
£16 an hour agency, £10 an hour private, same staff so good for them good for us and they know few will tell the agency because they are saving a fortune going private.
|
Homes for the older population used to be run by the councils.Staff where better payed,homes where privatised and staff got less money If the profit doctrine enters care things change .
That is the same for the NHS.Be carefull we dont want the American system pay as you go.
|
>>That is the same for the NHS.Be carefull we dont want the American system pay as you go.
This started with the introduction of PCTs two or more decades ago, with the simple idea that our health had to become a business rather than what it had been since the nhs was first launched.
Give it a few more years with this government and it'll be back to how it was before the war. Since already in the space of less than 18 months, waiting lists for serious complaints have risen from 2 weeks to 18, and the drugs which give a close family member of mine a life are being stopped, i am well qualified to say these things.
My job involves taking care of people who opt to stay in their own homes, and not one of them wants to go into care but too many don['t have the choice.
It's happening as we speak.
|
They seem to take care of the elderly and handicapped quite seriously here (sweden). I'm not sure how the funding works, but I believe the state pays for everything, regardless of the persons financial situation. I was talking to a friend the other day who lives with her elderly uncle. Medically, he's ok, but neeeds pretty much full time care with the usual stuff - cooking, cleaning, dressing, toilet etc. She's been doing this and holding down a job, but as his needs increase she's been struggling. But she spoke to social services, and they decided he needed full time help, so instead of them supplying essentially 3 paid carers (day/night/weekends/holidays) or a care home place, they are paying her a full time wage instead. She's employed by the council as a carer, with the usual benefits etc. She's contracted for the usual 39 hours/week, but obviously as she's there full time it works out as more than that.
So everyone comes out happy really. The uncle gets the care he needs in his own home, she gets a proper job, and the health authority save a lot of money.
|
I think Holland have a similair system as Sweden but insurances are involved.It all boils down to cost what we are willing to pay and input from governments and their priorities.
Sweden is very social consious but I suppose you pay the taxes.
|
>> Sweden is very social consious but I suppose you pay the taxes.
Remind us how much you Netherlanders pay in tax when you buy a car, Dutchie...
|
.
>>
>> But i absolutely don't understand why it's so costly.
>>
>> It's (not the same but similar) like the way we pay, supposedly, many thousands of
>> pounds to keep a criminal locked up, or apparently a quarter of a million each
>> to supply prince andrew's daughters with a bodyguard.
>>
>> Who decides these figures?
>>
>> How can it cost this much, whether care homes, or anything else?
>>
The costs are easy to add up:
24 hours a day heating 21C.
24 hour a day opening - so staff on nights including someone qualified to issue drugs.
3 meals a day - + drinks..
On days: full time nurse for medication etc.
New building due to requirements for wide corridors/fire exits/lifts etc.
Special baths for incapictated patients including lifts.
Patienst requiring to be washed by stafff.
Licence fees to council/inspections etc..
On call doctors
etc etc..
It's rather like a 24 hours a day hotel with 3 meals a day... Not much change from £100/day.. £3000 per month. plus.
I have had intimate experience with the running of several.
Last edited by: madf on Mon 24 Oct 11 at 08:31
|
Agree with madf, there's some profit in it, but not megabucks.
I've done a few stories about private nursing home closures.
The main problem appears to be cuts in local authority budgets, which means the home cannot get enough publicly-funded customers to add to the handful who fund their own care.
It is like a hotel, the job runs OK provided occupancy rates are reasonably high.
|
Privately funded clients pay more than council funded ones (benefits of scale).
Councils used to pay their own nursing homes more per head than privately run ones...
The entire system is going to require a total rethink if it's not to grind to a halt with increasing numbers of baby boomers growing elderly..
I suspect it's going to get a lot worse...
|
It is very worrying now most of them have turned 60, my parents are just slightly out of the baby boomer, although both are that generation and my dad would just about qualify as one.
In 20 years time there is going to be a real problem, I am wondering if a turn to the old days and have more government run homes might be needed.
I wonder if it would be a lot more cost effective to build much bigger homes, almost like mini hospitals?
|
>> I wonder if it would be a lot more cost effective to build much bigger
>> homes, almost like mini hospitals?
>>
More like prisons - I can't imagine wanting to spend my last years somewhere like that!!
|
|
Might not be much choice, when there is 10 million people in the UK all needing advanced care :(
|
|
How do you get to 10 million? Actually the majority of elderly people do not require residential care.
|
Was an exaggeration but lets say the average baby boomer lives to 90, then there will be a higher percentage needing care. At the moment cancer or heart attacks still gets many before they require care, but if we live long enough we will need it.
So in 20 years time, not only will amount of elderly be more due to a rise of births in the late 1940's but the elderly will also live longer.
|
But it wont be anywhere near 10 million. As I said most elderly people even in their nineties don't live in residential care homes and d n't require full time care. With proper management and funding it should be more than possible for a wealthy country like the UK to provide decent care for those that do without constructing vast latter day workhouses.
|
|
I suppose there is also a high number of baby boomers dying young too.
|
>> But it wont be anywhere near 10 million. As I said most elderly people even
>> in their nineties don't live in residential care homes and d n't require full time
>> care. With proper management and funding it should be more than possible for a wealthy
>> country like the UK to provide decent care for those that do without constructing vast
>> latter day workhouses.
Hmm
Obese elderly are really difficult - they lose mobility early, suffer all sorts of complaints - high blood pressure etc- and lifting is a real pia. Not possible to live in own home without a dedicated carer.
As for looking after in personal homes, I am all for it. You will of course get no help until your parent is virtually dead.. speaking from personal experience.
Last edited by: madf on Mon 24 Oct 11 at 12:58
|
My grandpa has needed carers for the past 5 or 6 years, although a lot of that was for my late grandmother. However they paid for it, if they were not in a position to pay I ma not sure if they would have got state help.
We help my grandma who lives in Manchester out by taking her shopping, and I take her to the hair dressers etc. However she is lucky that she can still manage in her own home but her mobility is getting worse.
|
...More like prisons...
My rich cousin is currently in a semi-secure unit which is depleting his wealth by about £750 a week.
It's small, only about 15 residents with almost as many staff.
Seems OK, as far as a small prison can be OK, but things keep going missing.
He's lost several pairs of trousers, although not while he was wearing them.
|
MiL's stuff was always missing after laundry day, even though it was tagged and in a first class care home. Upsetting for someone who cared for her appearance, at least until she went barking !
I think she'd abandoned the leopardskin thongs by then !
Ted
|
For those who have regular contact with care homes, do you see Indian or other Asian elderly there, or are they looked after in the family still, as always was to be the case.
Not everyone's circumstances mean they can look after their own, but i have the utmost admration for the those who do.
|
>> For those who have regular contact with care homes, do you see Indian or other
>> Asian elderly there, or are they looked after in the family still, as always was
>> to be the case.
I don't but Towcester is not renowned for it's ethnic mix!!
|
The Asian and Indian culture is that children are brought up to care for their parents as they get elderly and ill where possible.
Something we should adopt.
Pat
|
Very few Indian OAPs in the Manchester homes I saw... But wrong areas for Indian society. But the owner was - of simlar background!
Our family history is of looking after parents until they become so senile as unmanageable.
|
|
People should end there live with dignity.Its quality what matters I dont want to end up like a gabagge god forbid.
|
>>I dont want to end up like a gabagge god forbid.<>
;-) is that "Garbage" or "Cabbage"? - maybe a bit of both!!
I`ve always told myself that when the day comes that i can no-longer wipe my own backside, that is the day i will summon up the remnants of my dignity and do for myself nicely!
Old-age will be bad enough without the added embarrassment and humiliation!
|
People in my family have tried it, but the person usually ends up getting dementia very quickly and end up in a home.
With high property prices though, I think it will be other way round, kids moving in with their 90 year old parents to look after them :p.
A lot of different ethnic backgrounds where I live, a know of a couple of black people in homes but never known any Asian people in them but I am sure it is not as rare as you would expect. As many people are in homes because they become impossible to manage without specialist care.
My aunty has severe MS, and although she still lives at home she requires specialist care 24/7 my uncle died a few years before of a heart attack which means she is now on her own. She told her kids under no circumstances to give up their lives to look after her.
|
>>She told her kids under no circumstances to give up their lives to look after her. >>
Most elderly people say that, in the hope of hearing this in reply...
'It's no problem Mum/Dad, you gave up enough of your life to bring me up, and it's the very least I can do'
Pat
|
>> >>She told her kids under no circumstances to give up their lives to look after
>> her. >>
>>
>> Most elderly people say that, in the hope of hearing this in reply...
>>
>> 'It's no problem Mum/Dad, you gave up enough of your life to bring me up,
>> and it's the very least I can do'
>>
>> Pat
>>
I have had a rational discussion with my 91 yr old father who is explicit in his request to make sure that if he goes into hospital that I should make sure he is marked up as DNR. When I pointed out that as I stand to benefit from his demise, I am not sure that a doctor would (or should?) necessarily take that instruction from me. I suggested that I get him an engraved dog tag to that effect for his next birthday. It then becomes his choice to wear it.
Maybe we do not all have the same sort of relationships with our parents!
|
|
My family told the doctors not to resuscitate my elderly grandmother, she was 89 and had major heat problems she just wanted to go. So the last time she fell in ill the doctors just gave her pain killers and let her die peacefully, rather than doing a load of tests which may have given her a few extra days if that.
|
>> I have had a rational discussion with my 91 yr old father who is explicit
>> in his request to make sure that if he goes into hospital that I should
>> make sure he is marked up as DNR. When I pointed out that as I
>> stand to benefit from his demise, I am not sure that a doctor would (or
>> should?) necessarily take that instruction from me. I suggested that I get him an engraved
>> dog tag to that effect for his next birthday. It then becomes his choice to
>> wear it.
There is an 'official' way of dealing with such issues
www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/Preparation/DG_10029429
|
>> People should end there live with dignity.Its quality what matters I dont want to end
>> up like a gabagge god forbid.
Looks as though you are already there! :)
|
It's often said Asian families tend to look after their elderly at home, and I've visited several households where this is the case.
But there may be an element of ghettoisation.
If there are care homes full of elderly Asians, few of us would know of them.
|
My grandpa had been getting worse over the past week and he sadly died this morning aged 91. It was a very peaceful death I am told.
At least he is now reunited with my grandma :).
I can't imagine what it must be like to have all those memories, he was still alive when they were making model T's and pubs had straw on the floor.
Going to be a hard week for us all, and I see a lot of family arguments starting. I feel bad as I was more upset about my cat dying, but I suppose the circumstances are very different, I have known for a few months that my grandpa was dying.
|
|
My condolences Rattle sad loss to you, grandpa lived it to a good age.
|
|
Sorry to hear that Rats - another of life's milestones sadly. Regarding the cat feelings, totally normal.
|
Sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandad Rattie.
Pleased it was a peaceful parting for him.
Make the coming funeral and reception afterwards a time for reflection and celebration of his life, make it something he would enjoy if he was there in person and not just in spirit.
|
I will have to remind people of that. He was a proper Londoner (though not cockney) and spoke with an accent you never really here now. Like my other late grandad he did quite a bit of work round the house, so even in our house there are a lot of legacies. Of course his two children, grandchildren and very young great grand children too :)
In 2005 I had a full set, now I am down to my last grand parent, but I was so lucky to have known them all well, so many people don't get that opportunity.
|
Sorry to hear that Rattle - never easy losing anyone. You're lucky to have known them all so well; not all of us can say the same - my Grandpa (Father's side) died when I was just 10 or so, and only have dim memories of him. My youngest brother was just 4, and has no recollection of him at all really :-(
Best wishes
Peter
|
>
>> Make the coming funeral and reception afterwards a time for reflection and celebration of his
>> life, make it something he would enjoy if he was there in person and not
>> just in spirit.
>>
If he was a Londoner he would expect the funeral to be a P-Up, a Knees up, and a Punch up.
Last edited by: Zero on Tue 8 Nov 11 at 15:15
|
>>If he was a Londoner he would expect the funeral to be a P-Up, a Knees up, and a Punch up<<
And not necessarily in that order either ;}
|
>> >>If he was a Londoner he would expect the funeral to be a P-Up, a
>> Knees up, and a Punch up<<
>>
>> And not necessarily in that order either ;}
>>
You're not forgetting the B-Up are you?
|
He was from the porsh side of the river though. Although he didn't talk like it! Me made people in Eastenders sound posh.
As the funeral is the other side of the hills (100 miles) the do afterwards will be a very sober affair. I've never drank at funerals it never feels right.
|
>>He was from the porsh side of the river though<<
Like 'someone' on here then (not mentioning any nameZ)
:)
|
|
Us east enders considered those south of the river to be beneath us, yes that true,
Last edited by: Zero on Tue 8 Nov 11 at 15:52
|
>>Us east enders considered those south of the river to be beneath us, yes that true, <<
We let you believe that (and you did!) as we sent most of London's sewerage to Beckton :(
|
Only North of the Thames sewage, went through the northern outfall sewer to Beckton sewage works and out down Becton creek. Where it promptly washed out onto the shores of Thamesmead, on the south side of the river.
South of the thames poo went through the southern outfall sewer to Crossness pumping station, whereit stayed on the south side of the thames,
All the poo was on the south side.
|
>>All the poo was on the south side<<
Has it ever been pointed out to you that you talk a load of crap!
:-D
|
|
Oi my late grandmother was from the sarf side :). Battersea to be exact "you young 'ons don't know what is lark to po-or" very different my my grandpas middle class background.
|
>>Oi my late grandmother was from the sarf side :). Battersea to be exact <<
I likes Battersea!
Luved the Park, as a kyd,
The Dogs Home was my 2nd home :)
|
|
Sorry to hear that Rats, chin up.
|
Condolences Rattle, think of all those happy memories you have, they will make you smile again.
Pat
|
Thanks for the kind messages :).
He was actually from the River really, well Fulham to be exact, but he did live in a house, not the river Thames.
Lived there for around half his live, so the it is amazing he lived to 91 considering the 45 years or so he spent living in London in the first half the 20th century. Must have been a hell of a lot of pollution.
My mothers side of the family of course lived in Manchester in the first half which was very industrial but they lived in the suburbs well away from all the smoke. He used to smoke all his live too, only given up when he reached his late 70's.
But it is because half of my family is from London I have so much attachment to the place I am sure.
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Tue 8 Nov 11 at 15:57
|
>
>> Lived there for around half his live, so the it is amazing he lived to
>> 91 considering the 45 years or so he spent living in London in the first
>> half the 20th century. Must have been a hell of a lot of pollution.
hey my granny made it to 96, ALL of them living in London. And that wasnt posh Fulham!
Last edited by: Zero on Tue 8 Nov 11 at 16:15
|
Difficult to know what to say - it always is. A loss is a loss and cannot be diminished, nor should it be. Knowing in advance that the end is coming may minimise the shock, but there's no telling how you'll feel a few days or weeks down the line - there are no rules as to how we "ought" to feel after these things.
Some psychologists recognise five phases of the grieving process as shock and denial ("I can't believe it's happened"), pain and guilt ("I should have done x"), anger and bargaining ("It shouldn't have happened", "It's someone's fault", "I'd do anything to bring him back"), depression ("Life is empty") and acceptance.
I don't think everyone experiences all of these phases, and they may happen in a different order from above.
It seems a lot of people here are thinking of you, Rattle, and that may help.
Last edited by: FocalPoint on Tue 8 Nov 11 at 16:22
|
When my grandad died (mums dad) in 2005 I did have a long of anger, and upset due to the circumstances of his sudden death but this time it is very different. A peaceful death of natural causes at a very good age, and I take a lot of comfort in knowing that.
It is my dad I am worried about the most, as it will change his life style a lot, know more visits to see his dad (his way of getting a free break!).
|
Sorry to hear your news RandS.
Better to keep the good memories than remember the recent past. Sounds like you have plenty to look back on and enjoy.
|
|
Sorry to hear of your loss Rattle. It's hopefully some consolation that you have the good memories of your grandfather. Try and make time for your father; I remember when my grandmother died it affected my mother quite badly, and I tried to see her as often as possible.
|
High cost od elderly care - Lygonos
