| Non-motoring > The father/son thing | Miscellaneous |
| Thread Author: Stuu | Replies: 59 |
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New Mon 29 Mar 10 23:17
The father/son thing - Stuu
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I know, its a big question, but since I have very little contact with my son thanks to the way of things these days, I often think about what could be. Is the dream of fatherhood really the warm and fuzzy father/son moments with a hammer and nails or asking him for your 14mm spanner and getting a 12mm? Is this reality or is it something that only happens when you havent got a little person bugging the hell outta you as soon as you get in from work? I ponder the lost dream of fatherhood from time to time although my wife and I plan on havinga lil one next year so its not lost, more delayed! |
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New Mon 29 Mar 10 23:51
The father/son thing - BobbyG
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Me and the missus were sort of discussing this the other day. 15 year old daughter currently preparing for her standard grades. 12 year old son having to accept he is not going to make it as a footballer and thinking life revolves around his xbox! The stress that kids bring every day is unbelievable but I am assured its all worth it...... Having said that, it is a great feeling on the rare occasions we can do some father and son bonding - this usually revolves around cars some how or another! |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 00:13
The father/son thing - Ted
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Well, that's an interesting topic Stuey. I'm sorry you have little contact. My own lot are never off the doorstep and have never lived more than about 15 miles away. My son's best friend also happens to be my youngest daughter's partner. Both have little boys. having the grandchildren does mean we get to see a lot of the Dads. Son and SIL work together and if there is a job near us they call in the morning to enjoy tea and bacon sarnies made by SWMBO who is subject to some lighthearted pizz taking from all three of us. Son and I take the mick out of each other, tell each other dirty jokes and I lend him money of course. I didn't really like him a lot when he was a teenager, dirty, lazy, untidy and generally anti-social but he eventually came out of all that and has become a human being now. He has a lovely partner having split from the mother of his son who turned out to be a drug addict and part-time dealer......3 kids by several different men ! I think she's coming out of it a bit now, I see her at school sometimes. She could have had a much better life if she'd stuck with us, I'm sure. He's 37 now, looks after his car and home. Does a good job, whatever he turns to and is generally very reliable. I count my blessings, next door but one have two sons, one a normal lad, car, job, girl. The other a Junkie with mental problems who has an exclusion order against him to keep away from the house. He was supposed to attend a meeting last week after a trial for assaulting his dad. He didn't make it and is now going back before the court to be sentenced, probably to secure treatment. There but for the grace of God, etc, any one of us could be in that tragic position. In short, I'm very fond and proud of my lad now. Ted |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 07:50
The father/son thing - L'escargot
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| My father was unfriendly, intolerant and Victorian in attitude. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 08:28
The father/son thing - Iffy
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...My father was unfriendly, intolerant and Victorian in attitude... So that's where you get it from. :) |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 08:53
The father/son thing - grumpyscot
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My lads 33 now - and a great friend and someone I can readily call on for help with DIY as he does me. We can happily spend an evening in the pub as best friends. Just as good is my 86 year old (going on 20) Dad who still wants to work with me when I wallpaper or do gardening. Loves going out for meals with me - any type of food - Indian, Chinese, Seafood, Italian - he's up for anything. And he loves roller-coasters! And the best thing is a day/night out with me, son and Dad - we all have a great laugh together. I'm proud of the two of them. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 07:36
The father/son thing - L'escargot
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>> ...My father was unfriendly intolerant and Victorian in attitude... >> >> So that's where you get it from. :) :-D |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 10:13
The father/son thing - Alanovich
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I'm fortunate enough to have a wonderful 5 year old son at the moment. I very much look forward to him growing up and watching him become a man. I do hope he stays on the rails, and of course he will have every help in doing so, but of course one can't take these things for granted. He is now getting to the age where he is taking an interest in machinery, tools, that sort of thing, and I made a bit of a blunder yesterday in this regard. I had mentioned to him that our Smart Roadster needed a new battery, so his interest was piqued and he wanted to see where the engine and battery were. Of course, I obliged and showed him around. However, once I had bought the new battery (yesterday), I went home and fitted it without involving him, forgetting that he's a big enough lad to help out with these things now. Tonight I shall go home, remove the new battery, replace the old one and do it all again with him around to help out. Those of you with elderly fathers yourselves are blessed indeed, mine was lost in a motorbike accident aged 40, I was 13. I am now 40 myself, and that has really brought home how young he was. Not a day goes by, even now, when I don't think of him and what might have been. The one and only burning hope of my life now is that such a tragedy should not befall my son (and indeed my daughter), and that we grow up/old together and enjoy each other's company to the end, whenever that may be and however it may happen. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 10:21
The father/son thing - Ted
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Mine was lost in a car smash when my mum was pregs with me, she was injured as well. I grew up without a dad. Mum married again in '69 but Len was more like a mate. Those 16 years together were some of the best of her life. Ted |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 10:51
The father/son thing - -
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My dad's been dead some 16 years now and i still miss him and mum, though i see him and his kindness honour honesty and stubborness in my son now 30. I had 3 sons and a daughter, my eldest son kind gentle sensitive hard working took his own life some years ago aged 23 and if you want to know how long it takes to get over it, you don't..ever. My youngest lad fell off the rails with various substances and i haven't seen him for many years, one of the reasons i have no mercy for drug dealers and pushers. My daughter 24 is the youngest and a treasure. It's lovely to see them grow up but very painful when you see them going wrong, harder still when they have your own inherited Cheshire/Irish stubborn nature and will do anything but follow advice. My lad does float ideas past me, more so than when he was younger, though we regard each other with mutual respect and friendship as well as the father/son relationship, helping to steer them is a pleasure, my daughter bless her hasn't yet reached that stage. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 11:13
The father/son thing - AshT
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I have a son of my own, and my partner has two boys. While it's wonderful to see them growing and learning we both worry constantly about what sort of society they are going to reach adulthood and independence in. My partner's oldest boy was at an impressionable age when her ex became involved with drugs - it lead to her and the older boy being physically abused. He's settled now, but understandably still has the odd moment. I don't care what people say, there is NO such thing as soft drugs, and I think it's one of the most dangerous and misleading terms in use. Any type of drug seems to sow misery, not just for the user but also for all the friends and family involved who have to live with the consequences. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 11:23
The father/son thing - Iffy
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...when her ex became involved with drugs - it lead to her and the older boy being physically abused... I have seen several examples of trouble being brought to the door of otherwise decent people by a drug user. Often it's boyfriend, girlfriend, or just 'friend of a friend', but before you can say 'crack cocaine' the otherwise decent family finds itself dragged down to the addict's level. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 11:28
The father/son thing - Dog
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My dad dropped down dead at my feet from a massive stroke when I was 9 and he was 54. Lady Dog had a rather bad time from a miscarriage whilst in her teens + a hysterectomy so that put paid to that. I come from a family of 6 (5 left) so there are plenty of children and grandchildren knocking around. I could tell you many tales but you've heard them all, or even experienced many of them it seems. I must admit to thinking how nice it would be to have a son to help me sometimes, like when I'm doing a 2 man job, But I've always been independently minded - that's why I live where I do, and it makes me more resourceful. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 14:03
The father/son thing - BiggerBadderDave
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My little boy is five. He's bright and thoughtful, and generally delightful to be around. I treasure every minute with him and the girl to the point that I arrange work around them - I do 10 am till 3 pm, pick them up from school and play with them till about 7 pm then go back to work. I try to discourage clients calling during this time. He's robot crazy at the moment, aliens, monsters, daleks. I love seeing him enjoy things for the first time. The first time he uses binoculars, the first time he uses a hose pipe... everything is a joy to him. He thinks the indicators on the dash are to remind me which way to turn and he thinks this looks like a pair of underpants: images.thecarconnection.com/sml/daewoo_logo_100002621_s.jpg I don't want it to end, I bought a 2 metre wide bed just so we can all watch Saturday morning telly together. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 14:32
The father/son thing - Stuu
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I get to see my son for two hours a month, he is nearly 4 now, but its been that way since he was born, so I could be the plumber for all he knows ( I expect her knows the ex's plumber better than he knows me! ). The saving grace is that if he turns out badly, he is entirely the product of his mothers parenting since she chose to do it alone. Still, he has developed a facination for all thinsg with wheels, especially commercials, tractors aswell, plus he does love seeing cars crash - I bought him one of those Hotwheels things with the loop the loop and then a jump - hearing him squeal with delight when the car flies off down the room is just fantastic. I do wish I could share some time with him, but maybe in the future when he has his own voice he will, theres always hope :-) |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 14:37
The father/son thing - Pat
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There's a wealth of feelings in this thread but the one that comes over the most is sadness.......... Pat |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 16:04
The father/son thing - Ted
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There's a lot of fun as well, Patsy. My 5 yr old G,son had a ' poo ' inspired song phase. We made up the most outragious ones. I found this, It shouldn't trouble the smut filter ! To the tune of Scooby-doo. Scooby dooby doo had a poo. He did in Shaggy's slipper. Shaggy put it on ooh, what a pong, it made him shake and shiver ! Sing something like this to a 5 yr old and see him dissolve into uncontrollable giggles at the 'risque-ness ' of it....priceless ! Ted |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 16:06
The father/son thing - Focusless
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>> I found this It shouldn't trouble the smut filter ! What about the parents? :) |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 16:15
The father/son thing - Ted
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They're as bad ! They started it. But he is a little gentleman and a total star . Ted |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 16:45
The father/son thing - Pat
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I know there is Ted, and I've smiled more than once reading through it:) I'm just in a particularly pensive mood today, I think it's all this talk on here of 'old times' Anyway, It's Dog's fault! He used a phrase that I've consoled myself with over the years so many times, but I always call it making the best of a bad job! Pat Last edited by: pda on Tue 30 Mar 10 at 16:46
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 16:48
The father/son thing - Ted
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Pat, I've posted one for you on the other, other place Ted |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 17:27
The father/son thing - Zero
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Stu, Tell you what mate, here is a deal. You can cut out all the intermediate boyhood pain agro and crap, and I will send you my 20 year old over by DHL. He has *nearly* reached the point of being a human being. (but not quite) Last edited by: Zero on Tue 30 Mar 10 at 17:27
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 18:05
The father/son thing - Pat
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Here we go, I confess:) I have one son, I tried it once and didn't like it. I made up my mind that when babies came in a fur coat with 4 legs and a tail I might try it again. Babies scare me to death and until he was about 8 yrs old we really didn't have much in common, but after that he became more like a mate. He bought his first motorbike at 12 yrs old ( Matchless G5) and I used to help him tinker with it. We started going to heavy rock concerts with me as the 'responsible adult and the wheels' and a car full of his 11 yr old mates. I discovered that being a parent wasn't so bad after all, and we've had a great relationship ever since. I have 3 grown up grandchildren now but even they didn't click until they were big enough to be real:) My dad dies when I was 11 yrs old and just hung on to see me pass my 11 plus which he was immensly proud of so I envy that Father/Son relationship you all have. Pat Last edited by: pda on Tue 30 Mar 10 at 18:07
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 20:08
The father/son thing - -
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Bittersweet secrets being told here, my poor way with words can't convey the real pains and losses and real joys that children and loves bring and take in huge doses. Stu i think your thread has brought a day of memory deep thought tears and smiles to many of us, i pray you get to see more of your lad in time. Thanks for shared things that we shall keep discreetly in our minds. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 07:08
The father/son thing - Dog
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((( Anyway, It's Dog's fault! ))) That's what Dog's are for mate ~ www.flickr.com/photos/43576259@N04/ |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 07:35
The father/son thing - Pat
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001) Oh no, he's at it again. 002) I'll just rise above it. 003) Now I'm totally confused. Obviously he and I share the same faces when reading your posts:) Pat |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 12:42
The father/son thing - Bazzabear
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I was thinking much the same, except the word that came to my mind was 'wistfullness'. Actually, to be perfectly accurate, no word at all came to mind - I found myself starting to hum "Cat's In The Cradle". There may be a little bear in the offing in the near future, so I have to admit to reading this thread with a mixture of hope and fear. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 13:32
The father/son thing - Alanovich
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>> I found >> myself starting to hum "Cat's In The Cradle". Wow, there's a memory sparked. Crosses over with the music and memories thread, I suppose. I remember spending some time in Northern Ireland in the early 90s. Whilst I was there, a television campaign was being run during commercial breaks in the evening news programmes. The film took an entire advert slot itself, and was an anti terrorism film with no narrative, but set to that song. It showed the life of a ficticious boy being born, passing through childhood and adolescense and growing in to a man, in a family involved in a terror organisation (could have been on either side), having lost his father as a result of the troubles, and eventually being killed as a consequence himself. It brought a tear to my eye every time. Fantastic piece of television. I wonder if it's available anywhere online? I seem to remember it was broadcast on the day a massive bomb went off on the Shankill Road, audible to me on the other side of Belfast. I may be wrong and am mixing memories, but there you go. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 21:07
The father/son thing - Avant
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"The stress that kids bring every day is unbelievable but I am assured its all worth it......" (Bobby G, above) Yes, it is, as I think you know, Bobby. You and I are lucky in that we've managed to bring up our children as two-parent families: a lot of the sadness expressed above is when for whatever reason that hasn't been possible. When our younger daughter was a teenager, she had a circle of about 8 close friends of whom only 3, includng her, had parents still together. The father/daughter thing is just as special, and we are very blessed to have two of each - 35 down to 25 and the eldest now a father himself of a 6-month old daughter. Yes, we've been lucky, so far of course; my heart goes out to those who haven't. Probably best to look to the future as Stu is doing, and let's hope his firstborn is part of that future as well.. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 21:12
The father/son thing - Robin O'Reliant
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| My ex-inlaws got a particularly rough deal, outliving both their children. Their son was born badly handicapped and died aged 14 and my ex died at only thirty seven after becomming anorexic. I didn't find out till nearly a year after the ex passed away and when I went to see them their overwhelming sadness was something that I'll always remember. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:24
The father/son thing - Dave_
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I thought I had it bad, but there are several posters above with whom I would not want to swap positions. My dad used the “clip round the ear” as a solution to everything, up until I was about 14 and as tall as him. I can distinctly remember flinching and ducking if I simply had to walk past him, for example to get to a door. He did all the good dad stuff too though, like fixing half-destroyed pushbikes and later cars, and taking me to Brands Hatch and Silverstone. He and I were always quite distant though, up until the evening 13 years ago when I asked him how Mum would take the announcement of her impending grandparenthood… he smiled the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him and replied “I dunno, you’d better tell her”. He’s been a great granddad to my 3 kids, almost as though he’s making amends for how things went with me. He’s meant to retire in a couple of years, although his work is going so well lately I think he’ll still be at it when he’s 80. I had 2 girls, now fast approaching their teenage years, and a son with my more recent ex. I'd moved 90 miles away from my family to be close to hers, now I'm stuck here until my daughter finishes primary school next year. The ex has put me through agony over the last year, starting and stopping contact with my son at will and inventing complaints and problems non-stop. I took the bull by the horns last summer and jacked in my job, got legal aid and threw the book at her. As a result I’ve finally started seeing my little boy again this month, and will be progressing to having him back to stay for weekends and school holidays in a few weeks’ time. His bedroom's still just as it was when they lived here. It’s made me realise how precious every minute with a child can be. He turns three on Thursday, hopefully with a lifetime of warm/fuzzy pass-the-spanner moments still to come. Stunorthants29, gordonbennett – I feel for you both, I really do. Last edited by: Dave_TD {P} on Tue 30 Mar 10 at 22:28
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:46
The father/son thing - -
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Dave, i've heard so many times of mothers (usually but not always) using children as some sort of a weapon to beat their ex with, it's devastating for all concerned and does them no good in the long term either and only serves to satisfy their own peculiar mental problems temporarily. I'm so glad you managed to get proper access well done, all the best for the future with your lad. My best mate has been through a similar mill to you with his sadistic ex, unfortunately no such good end result for him and she's managed to poison the lad against him too just to kick the poor sod when he's at his lowest. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:56
The father/son thing - Dave_
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>> mothers (usually but not always) using children as some sort of a weapon to beat their ex with, it's devastating for >> all concerned and does them no good in the long term either and only serves to satisfy their own peculiar mental >> problems temporarily Nail, head. I've kept all my correspondence, emails, texts and court paperwork, so that if I failed now then when my lad's natural curiousity took its course at age 16 or so I could have showed him just how hard I tried. It's worn me right down to be honest - I was going to give it until the end of 2010 then give up, for the sake of a normal life for my older children. Got the final family court hearing in two weeks, I should come away with a defined order. For one reason and another, the ex has complied 100% with the interim order and is looking like she'll do the same with the final one. Good. Last edited by: Dave_TD {P} on Tue 30 Mar 10 at 22:57
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:09
The father/son thing - BobbyG
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| Avant, I would actually say that I am closer to my daughter than son and part of that is that my son is so like me when I was his age. And he has already made the same mistakes as me and I know what other mistakes he will do. He of course wants to be like his daddy and I don't want him to be!! |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:09
The father/son thing - BobbyG
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| Avant, I would actually say that I am closer to my daughter than son and part of that is that my son is so like me when I was his age. And he has already made the same mistakes as me and I know what other mistakes he will do. He of course wants to be like his daddy and I don't want him to be!! |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:21
The father/son thing - Alastairw
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Very thoughtful thread this. I am divorced from the mother of my children, but I only live half a mile away so in some ways I have the best of both worlds. I can see the boys anytime I want, speak to them most days, and they know where I am if they want me (usually for my ever thinning wallet, but there you go). The boy (as I think of the 14 year old) seems to be maturing nicely, though his taste in music is a bit doubtful. I look forward to the day he can buy me a pint - no doubt with my cash. The 10 year old is mildly autistic so has difficulty in expressing love. He has many obsessions, which I try to share. In all, I think I am pretty luck how things have turned out. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:29
The father/son thing - Dave_
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>> Very thoughtful thread this Definitely - to me it's an example of what makes this place so good. :-) |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:32
The father/son thing - R.P.
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| No kids here - sadly careers seemed more important - regretted it somewhat in the last 12 months but on the other hand it may have made things worse. |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:50
The father/son thing - swiss tony
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>> No kids here - sadly careers seemed more important - regretted it somewhat in the >> last 12 months but on the other hand it may have made things worse. >> Hard one that.. being a single parent isnt easy ( I have 2 of my 3 children with me - long story, but involves them being made homeless by their 'loving' mother....) but knowing what you have been through, you must have mixed emotions, on many things not just children... having had my gang, I wouldnt want to have not had them, but life would have been easier if I had remained childless... there are days I wish Id stayed single, and kept my flies closed! |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:40
The father/son thing - Stuu
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Yes, I must admit, its gone alot deeper than I imagined, but who would have thought a bunch of people with a common motoring interest could find so much common ground and share so much. Its rather lovely really. We are going soft I tell you! I think the best thing about young kis like my lil one, is that at approaching 4 years old, he isnt at all cynical, is interested in the smallest thing and hasnt yet learned to be unpleasent. The world coul learn alot from 4 year olds! |
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 22:58
The father/son thing - Dave_
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>> who would have thought a bunch of people with a common motoring interest could find so much common ground and share so much The girls have all their mumsy forums and baby message boards, we don't really have an equivalent I suppose. Until now! ;-) >> at approaching 4 years old, he isnt at all cynical Ohhh, that all changes, believe me. My 10 year old daughter is almost as world-weary as I am - although with only me around to act as an influence I'm hardly surprised. Last edited by: Dave_TD {P} on Tue 30 Mar 10 at 23:00
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New Tue 30 Mar 10 23:04
The father/son thing - R.P.
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| Lots of people in the same boat- 7 year old rendered fatherless in the village this afternoon - very suddenly. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 07:37
The father/son thing - Pat
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It's posts like this that have endeared this forum to so many of us over the last few weeks. It's also the answer to another thread..........What's happened to Honest John? This sort of thing would never be allowed. Pat Last edited by: pda on Wed 31 Mar 10 at 07:38
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 09:16
The father/son thing - Iffy
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...Lots of people in the same boat... One of several old sayings in newspapers is: "There's a story behind every door." It's true, there is. It seems to me that nearly everyone has some dreadful pain to bear, which is a pity in itself. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 10:43
The father/son thing - R.P.
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| www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jek6iP6AuAQ |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 11:21
The father/son thing - Bigtee
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Wow this brings a tear to my eye yes i said it because it does.! I have a young son 21 months old since he was born (not planned) ex girlfriend won't let me see him at first it was once a week for a few weeks then nothing for a while had to get solicitors involved several letters and got a little contact. Now had cafcass involved and a 9.5 rule guardian in court she's a control freak the ex, had some contact at contact centres these places are not that nice folks! £10k plus spent in court and still not much closer looking at defending myself next which you can do so it's along haul, i get 1.5hrs once a week and i tell you i live for that time! It's a pleasure just to be able to sit here and type this to get it off my chest! Im told at 2years the law changes or something like that not long to go if anyone has any advice or similar get in touch as Bt say it's good to talk! Tony. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 11:23
The father/son thing - R.P.
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| Welcome Bigtee by the way ! |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 11:27
The father/son thing - Bigtee
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| Thanks Puguguly, it's a pleasure to be here missed you all.! Tony. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 14:52
The father/son thing - Stuu
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Bigtee, Have you been on here yet: www.dads-uk.co.uk If not, its a wealth of info and the forums are very helpful, especially with legal issues. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 15:52
The father/son thing - Bigtee
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| Thanks mate i will now. Tony |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 13:11
The father/son thing - bathtub tom
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A lovely song, but I prefer the Sandie Shaw version. Unusual, as I normally prefer the original versions of music. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 11:14
The father/son thing - hawkeye
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I've read this thread with a rapidly-growing lump in my throat. Many of you have had to cope with quantities of stress and adversity entirely outside of my experience as a dad. I had a few of life's custard pies when I was a youth when my own parents divorced untidily and remarried but that's a long long time in the past. In a 30-year marriage we have had 2 daughters and 2 sons. Leaving aside the daughters I believe I've done all the normal dad stuff with the elder who is now 21 and still living at home, and am following a similar pattern with the younger at 13. Despite his questionable taste in cars ('97 Fiesta Ghia) the elder is holding down a junior job at the local garden centre, has been ditched by his binge-drinking girlfriend and is looking for a place to rent with a mate. Younger is musically gifted but I can't share any of that with him. However we did make a trebuchet together as part of a school project. He found a computer simulator to help with the design and I made a kit of parts for him to assemble. Of course it was the best effort in class! We have just taken 2 kittens into the household which are allegedly his responsibility. some fatherhood upsides; Having someone to help who knows what you are on about when you say "lift towards me" or similar. Teaching him how to pick up a cat. Going on a bike ride with a picnic. Parent's evening if he's bright. Bouncing on the trampoline together. Going on a bike ride to a local pub. Having someone to mow the lawn properly while you are on holiday. Having someone who can valet Mrs H's car so she notices. Going for a swim together. Having someone who knows how to make a proper "trucker's breakfast" for you on his day off, you are working late and his mum is at work without preaching about fat, calories and cholesterol. Getting Youtube video links from him that make you both laugh, or weep or feel outraged. Watching F1 or MotoGP and rooting for the same driver/rider. Watching a film together and discussing same over a beer. Building/making stuff together. Teaching him how to saw a piece of wood in a straight line. Being offered a beer from his personal stash. Meeting his employer who talks about him in golden terms. Karting together and knowing that your skill is making up for his lack of weight. Almost. some fatherhood downsides; Changing nappies. Feeling responsible for undone homework. Feeling responsible for badly-done homework. Parent's evening as a result of the foregoing. Worrying about where he is and who he is with. Clearing up cat poo which he should be doing. Ringing his mobile (Mrs H's speciality) at 2am and hearing it on the sofa under a cushion. Finding son weeping on the floor because he can't do his college work which is due to be handed in in 10 hours. Listening to son trying not to weep as he tells you from 150 miles away that Uni is not for him and he needs picking up at the weekend and it's your fault for making him leave home when he wasn't ready. Looking forward to meeting the girlfriend only to find out she is a tubby drunken scally. Having to bail him out when he's botched or broken part of his horrible car. Having to fix his bike when he needs it for his paper round at dawn tomorrow and he's merrily playing on his X-Box. Having someone who uses your tools and doesn't return them. Missing your favourite spanners because he's lent them to a mate. Stu, good luck to you. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 12:56
The father/son thing - commerdriver
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Strikes a lot of chords that one, I am in a similar position after 29 years married with 2 sons and one daughter. All very different individuals all with lots of memories of growing up and all still with good relationships with us and with each other. To those with younger children I would say cherish each day and each stage as they grow and celebrate their differences from you as much as their similarities. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 16:35
The father/son thing - henry k
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I have a yellowing Penguin paperback that cost me 70p in 1977. It is "I can't stay long" by Laurie Lee. It is a book of short items and there is a ten page piece called " The firstborn" IMO a magic piece of writing. Do try and read it. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 21:26
The father/son thing - Avant
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"It's posts like this that have endeared this forum to so many of us over the last few weeks. It's also the answer to another thread..........What's happened to Honest John? This sort of thing would never be allowed. Pat " I'm glad to say that we now have a non-motoring section on the HJ forum (at the moment still called I have a question, but it doesn't have to be). It was a good idea to have this non-motoring section on here, and like others I've been very moved by many of the posts. As someone else implied, there aren't enough outlets where either sex can have their say. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 21:34
The father/son thing - Iffy
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...I'm glad to say that we now have a non-motoring section on the HJ forum... Yes, but have you got the members to make it work? The non-motoring section on here has been something of a triumph, and one of the backs to be patted is, I believe, vxFan. But the success of the section is mostly due to the wit and wisdom of the posters. Without them, it's nothing. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 21:43
The father/son thing - Ted
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I actually prefer the npn-motoring section. I get somewhat bored with cars and there are lots of threads I don't bother with, EG, Formula 1, 'cos I have little interest. Non-M, however has been a breath of fresh air, everything posted has been interesting and mostly informative to me. Personalities have come out more and a good insight to some of the posters has been bared. I like the way it's done, as you can go back easily to a particular thread if you want....there's always a reminder there. You rarely got 50/60/70 responses to a particular subject in IHAQ. Jolly good show, Girls ! Ted |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 22:05
The father/son thing - Stuu
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Im watching that prog on BBC about fathers atm. Im almost glad I dont go through the mill like that, although my ex and I have what I call an unexplained inability to comment on the weather by way of a mutual conversation ( meaning we cant be civil on a neutral subject just for the sake of being polite ). This I find maddening because after 4 years, when child is starting to become very aware, surely thats the time to start playing the diplomat to eachother. Ive never understood this desire people have to continue hostilities any longer than you need to. It does make me wonder if some people ever really look at their kids and ask themselves what is best for them and actually do that rather than making them passengers to ones own agenda when dealing with their other parent. The funniest thing, if you can laugh about these things, maybe its ironic to be more accurate, is that my ex complains that I dont do much with my son. I love that line, mainly because the poor lad is very wary of this man who comes once a month and mummy ignores him totally and scowls at him should he so much as smile at me. Its also rather hard to interact with a child if you have never had one before, so have no experience to fall back on and hardly enough time to get to know anything about them in your 'slot'. I wanted to take him to the park to kick his new ball about, He wanted to go aswell. Mummy says no - bit of a risk of daddy looking competant then isnt there. Tut tut. |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 22:06
The father/son thing - spamcan61
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This is a subject I've been reflecting on recently, my father passed away about a month ago and unsurprisingly I've been thinking about my upbringing. To be honest I can't really recall any strong 'bonding' moments at all, although I do recall spending hours in the garage with him passing spanners etc. as he mended the family Viva .. again. Having said that I don't have any real bad memories either, so overall I'm pretty happy about my upbringing. For sure I've had moments with my 3 kids that I'll always remember, whether they will recall them is another matter of course. My eldest daughter will certainly remember falling off a step ladder I'd just told her not to climb and breaking her shoulder! |
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New Wed 31 Mar 10 22:13
The father/son thing - VxFan
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>> and one of the backs to be patted is I believe vxFan. I'm not taking full credit for it. Granted I made the suggestion, but as with most things round here, it was discussed among the other mods and car4play before being implemented. Likewise if one of the other mods or car4play has an idea, we generally discuss it beforehand so we're all in agreement. Vx. |
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