I called ING Direct this morning and the recorded message said:
"we are sorry though our interactive telephone banking service is currently busy, please hold to speak to us"
That all I ever want to do when I make a call. Perhaps things are going full circle with people substituting for machines ...
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I love the "we value your custom" which companies tell you before putting you in a 10 minute queue.
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and then put you through to some far flung corner of the globe, where someone called "dave" has diffuclty understanding what your trying to tell them and has full accsess to your credit card details etc
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I like it when Dave from India phones up and his first words are "I am not trying to sell you anything"
"Dave", I say quietly and softly "You are a b leedin Liar"
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When I was onto the overseas Aviva call center yesterday the guy was using the phonetic alphabet to check certain spellings. Amused myself protesting, when he checked my middle initial as *J for Juliette*, that my name wasn't Juliette.
The more he tried to explain and thereby leave the script the funnier it became.... and the less British he became.
Last edited by: Fenlander on Wed 2 Mar 11 at 12:38
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Ah, the phonetic alphabet.
There's one letter I've never been too sure about.
Is it U-uniform or U-uncle?
I always go for uniform.
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There's a U in one of my reg numbers and I always go for Uniform. The one I really don't like is Papa. For some reason I always fell really silly saying it.
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I worked with a guy who insisted on using L for leather (in an estry accent).
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Thanks.
I like to use the 'correct' words, hopefully without sounding too much like a pretendy policeman.
It really grates on me when someone uses their own version.
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No problem with the phonetic alphabet, an ingrained legacy of teenage plane spotting. Is Z still zulu though? a friend doing a marine licence seemed to think it was now Zebra.
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Heres the cockney alphabet in full
A for Horses (Hay for Horses) A for ism (aphorism) A for gardener (Ava Gardner, film star)
B for mutton (Beef or Mutton) B for my time (Before my time) B for tea (beef tea) B for dinner (beef for dinner)
C for islanders (Seaforth Highlanders) C for yourself (See for yourself); C for Sailors (sea for sailors) C for ships, C for miles (see for miles) C for looking (see for looking)
D for ential (deferential/differential) D for dumb (deaf or dumb) D for Kate - defecate) D for n' baker (Diefenbaker, Canadian prime minister) D for rent (different)
E for brick (heave a brick) E for Adam (Eve or Adam) E for Gabor (Eva Gabor) E for Ning Standard (Evening Standard) E for you or me (either you or me) E for Braun (Eva Braun) E for knocks you rotten (Ether...) or E for Gas (Ether gas)
F for vescence (effervescence) F for lump (efferlump)
G for police (chief of police), G for get it (Gee, forget it!) G for screepers (Geefers creepers, where d'you get those peepers) G for take (give or take) G for Staff (chief of staff) G for Sis (g-forces) or G for horse (G-force)
H for respect (age for respect) H for retirement (age for retirement) H for it (Hate you for it plus other variations on Hate you eg what ya done to me, for your feets too big (popular song of the 1940s) H for weight (Age for weight) H for teen (Age 14) H before beauty; (age before beauty) H for consent (age of consent) H for love (ache for love) H for himself (each for himself) H cheer for the winner(A cheer for the winner)
I for Novello (Ivor Novello - actor composer playwright of the 1930s) I for looting (High Faluting) I for an I (eye for an eye) I for get/got (I forget/forgot) I for nate (hyphernate) I for a needle (Eye for a needle) I for no (Ivanhoe) I for the Girls (eye for the girls) I for idea (I've an idea) I for tower (Eiffel Tower) I for idea/nasty cold (I've an idea/a nasty cold) I for a lovely bunch of coconuts I for crush (I've a crush on you) I for pain (I've a pain)
J for oranges (jaffa oranges) J for dollar to spare (Do you have a dollar...)
K for answers (Kay Francis, American film star of the 1930s and 40s) K for oranges/limes (Kaffir oranges/limes) K for teria (cafeteria) K for a cuppa (Care for a cuppa) K for Kraal (Kaffir Kraal - now politically incorrect) K for warriors (Kaffir warriors - Zulu army) K for coffee (Cafe for coffee) K for butter (Copha butter) K for Corn (Kaffir Corn) K for Restaurant (Cafe or Restaurant) K for the door (key for the door) K for dates (Kaifa)
L for leather (Hell for leather)
M for sis (emphasis) M for sema (emphysema) M forces (armed forces)
N for a dig (Infra dig/ In for a dig - ie. bat at cricket) N for lope (envelope) N for eggs (Hen for eggs) N for mation (information) N for end (end-for-end) N for a penny (In for a penny...) N for it (In for it) N for pasha (Enver Pasha, a Turkish leader) N forcement (enforcement), N for red (infrared) N for terrible (enfant terrible)
O for the garden wall (Over the garden wall) O for my dead body/ O for goodness sake//O for the wings of a dove/O for the moon, O for crying out loud! O for there, O for goldmine (Ophir goldmine) O for come (overcome) O for the fence is out (Over the fence...backyard cricket term) O for an Osram; O for a nice cold beer
P for relief (Pee for relief) also P for a penny, P for yourself, P for a whistle, P for cake (Piece of Cake) P forty two (An American fighter)
Q for rations/the flicks/for fish and chips/for tickets/for a bus (Queue for..) Q for billiards (cue for billiards) Q for ills (Cure for ills) Q for a song (cue for a song)
R for mo (Half a mo') R for Bitter (half of bitter) R for Askey/Daley/Murray (Arthur Askey, comedian/Arthur Daley/Arthur Murray) R for loaf (Half a loaf)
S for Williams (Esther Williams, aquatic film star) S for you (As for you/it's for you) S for anto (esperanto) S for mation (a flying formation) S for As You Go (As Far As You Go) S we have no bananas (yes, we have no bananas)
T for two (Tea for two) T for eating (Teeth for eating) T for Gums (Teeth or Gums) T for dentures (Teeth or dentures)
U for me (You for me) U for mism (euphemism) U for ear (euphoria) U for Fox (Uffa Fox, British yachtsman and boat-builder) U for films ( UFA films- a German film company) U for knee (euphony) U for age (youth or age) U for got (You forgot) U for Joyce (Yootha Joyce) U for ram (Ewe for ram) U for nasia (Euthenasia)
V for La France (Viva La France) V for l'amore (Vive l' amore) V for Espana! (Viva Espana!) V for Victory
W for a bob (I'll double you on a pushbike for a shilling) W for nothing/quits/ two hearts/trumps (Double you for nothing, quits etc - betting, gambling or poker terms) W for tune (Double Your Fortune - an old gameshow) W for cards, Could be updated to W for president
X for breakfast (Eggs for breakfast
Y for mistress (Wife or mistress) also Y for husband/girlfriend/lover/kids, Y for Christ's sake/God's sake/goodness sake?Y for runts (Y-fronts) Y for thin (wafer thin) Y for and wherefore
Z for breeze (Zephyr breeze) Z for motor car (Ford Zephyr); Z for his hat (His head for his hat)Z for the doctor (zend for the doctor)
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U Uniform according to my little crib sheet... some strange ones in there... Q - Quebec, I - India... and couldn't they have thought of anything better than Yankee for Y?!
Is Z - Zulu racist now? ;-)
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They've changed over the years with a view to making them pronouncable by people whose mother tongue is not english.
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What's racist about 'zulu'? It's only the name of a tribe.
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The NATO phonetic alphabet, also called the ICAO phonetic alphabet, ITU phonetic alphabet, NATO spelling alphabet, ICAO spelling alphabet or the international radiotelephony spelling alphabet has
U for Uniform.
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The Nato phonetic alphabet is also used for classes of Russian submarines
Hunter/Killer Submarines - Nuclear Propelled
"November"
"Echo"
"Victor"
"Alfa"
"Mike"
"Sierra"
Hunter/Killer Submarines - Diesel/Electric Propelled
"Zulu"
"Whiskey"
"Quebec"
"Golf
"Romeo"
"Foxtrot"
"Tango"
"Kilo"
Ballistic Missile Submarines - Nuclear Propelled
"Hotel
"Yankee
"Delta
Guided Missile Submarines - Nuclear Propelled
"Oscar
"Yankee-Notch"
"Charlie
"Echo
"Papa
Guided Missile Submarines - Diesel/Electric Propelled
"Whiskey
"Juliett"
Experimental and trials submarines
"Bravo"
"India"
"Lima"
Nato ran out of Alphabet names so they has to use
Akula
Typhoon
Beluga
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>> I like it when Dave from India phones up and his first words are "I
>> am not trying to sell you anything"
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>> "Dave", I say quietly and softly "You are a b leedin Liar"
Sounds like my regular conversations with "Steve" from "A Financial Services Company" somewhere in deepest Mumbai, by the sounds of it.
He doesn't understand what "Telephone Preference Service" means, and is, I presume, immune to its legal implications
He doesn't understand that I am not going to discuss my personal financial information with a complete stranger under any circumstances, least of all with one from a company I've never heard of, based in a country I've never been to, and via a cold call which is actually illegal.
He doesn't understand why his answer of "a database" in response to the question "Where did you get my details from?" doesn't placate me in the slightest. He doesn't even get offended or upset when I suggest the database has been stolen or obtained illegally, and I never want to speak to him again.
No matter how angry I get with him, he always calls me Sir. After every sentence. As the great Homer Simpson once said, it's nice to be called sir, without the words 'you are making a scene' following it, but come on. I hang up, thinking I've told him this time, and he can't possibly confuse my intention never to speak to him again.
Two weeks later....."Hello Sir, this is Steve from a Financial Company"
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My usual steps for dealing with these sort of people
1) They do not get past the answerphone at home.
2) I mention telephone preference service and ask for their name and company so I can report them.
3) Ask them politely to Go Away
4 ) Tell them robustly to **** Off!
SWMBO tells me I am the rudest person on the phone she has ever heard but I am not.
If that was the case I would dispense with steps 2 and 3.( Actually come to think of it sometimes I do dispense with 2 & 3 - it saves time.)
Helicopter Junior has a useful way of dealing with them , when asked 'is that Mr ***** he says , I'll just get him for you and then puts the phone down and returns to whatever he was doing , waits 5 minutes or so and then cuts the call off.
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I once gave a girl (UK based) a good telling off finishing with what sort of a job is that, disturbing people at teatime?
She answered, "it's better than the dole", so I'm now more polite.
To be fair, the TPS has virtually stopped the UK calls.
They can't stop the foreign ones.
My reply to them is now,
"I'm glad you called, I'd like to talk about Jesus"
(with apologies to anyone this may distress)
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Some of the worst are organisations you already deal with trying to sell you additional services or offers.
One telecoms company, one credit card company, and one insurance company who are linked to a major high street tyre fitting chain have all lost my business permanently through repeatedly doing this.
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Swinton have lost mine for this reason as well.
Pat
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>> Swinton have lost mine for this reason as well.
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>> Pat
>>
I took out a Swinton policy 5 years ago. Despite having specified no marketing via calls, emails, or sms, they persist in doing so. Emails stopped after I used the "stop" emails option at the bottom of their emails, but the calls and sms persist to this day. A lot of their calls are the "silent" ones too.
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I've had several 'silent' ones from Swinton as well.
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They lost my business 2 years ago when they sent me a renewall for a guy who lives on the other side of my town. It gave most of the detaiks I would have needed to clone his identity. They never could tell me where my renewall was sent.......
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>> 2) I mention telephone preference service and ask for their name and company so I
>> can report them.
It's better to ask for their name and company first.
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Thread drift here guys.
My point was that we have gone full circle from answer machines and on-hold musak through interactive voice recognition based systems to, in the ING case, real people taking the call when the machines are busy ...
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Customer service progress - smokie
