The Tyrant Queen and I have been invited to dinner at some good friends next week.
Said friends have just had an expensive makeover of their lounge...( looked all right to me, made ours look like a hovel )...still, they've got the money. I've been warned tonight that they have an expensive white carpet and that I will be expected to wear clean socks and remove my shoes.
Do I take slippers and look a fool if the wearing of shoes is acceptable. I also suffer from Diabetic neuropathy in the feet and the soles are very, very sensitive. Even standing on the hem of my trousers hurts.
I'm also not inclined to accept a drink in the lounge, before or after the meal. Anti-social or wise ? I can just see muggins here knocking over a coffee or a red wine.
Surely, if you want a social life and wish to have people and grandchildren round, then an expensive white carpet is a np-no ?
Ted
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Shoes off - I tend to do it. I hate slippers with a vengeance and never taken to them. Glad you're well enough to be invited out to polite company again !
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We have a normal price carpet in the lounge - new in June though. So we'd prefer if people take off shoes. Neighbours did when they popped in over xmas but parents in law don't.
So I'd go in clean socks with a hole over one toe ;-)
As for: "I've been warned tonight that they have an expensive white carpet".... have red wine if offered and say 'Hope I don't spill any'. If they give red wine then it's not to be refused if you're being polite.
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How sad.
No matter what you pay for something, if you regard it as worth far more than retaining your family or friends's companionship then it's a mistake.
Easy to replace carpets or whatever than lose far more important friendships.
Last edited by: Stuartli on Sat 8 Jan 11 at 00:02
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White carpets are destined for red wine IMO. Carpet gets walked on etc.
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However much I spent on carpet I would never have something that would cause folks to feel at all uncomfortable when visiting. White carpet... if at all... can be kept for the bedroom!
I'd tell them to let me know when they'd changed it then I'd pop over.
Last edited by: Fenlander on Sat 8 Jan 11 at 00:18
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Spot on Fenlander and Stu.
It's one of my pet hates being expected to take your shoes off, and makes me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
I provide a good doormat, and expect it to be used, but apart from that I like to thenk everyone is welcome.
White carpet? Wouldn't stand a chance with three cats:)
Pat
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It's the result of watching house makeover and selling TV programs, everything must be light and beige 'ish, of no use at all in a proper home.
Outside mat, inside mat, parquet floor with large rug in the hall, rest of house (except kitchen but including bathrooms) carpetted.
I walk through in my non muddy work boots, and fully expect anyone visiting to wear normal shoes/boots and ask visitors to keep them on (especially stilletto's....mmm.;), common sense applies if you've got really dirty footwear.
edit...Ted your poor SWM, the things you call her...TTQ no less, i hope she never visits these pages..:)
Last edited by: gordonbennet on Sat 8 Jan 11 at 07:47
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Bring some black bin bags or some old paint sheets with you and offer to spread them out on their fancy floor-covering.
Whilst there, extol the virtue of cheap and nasty laminate flooring.
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>>Outside mat, inside mat, parquet floor with large rug in the hall, rest of house
>> (except kitchen but including bathrooms) carpetted.
>>
Carpet in a bathroom???????
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>> It's one of my pet hates being expected to take your shoes off, and makes
>> me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
It's not very nice, is it. I think it's a relatively new thing, here.
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>> >> It's one of my pet hates being expected to take your shoes off, and
>> makes
>> >> me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
>>
>> It's not very nice, is it. I think it's a relatively new thing, here.
>>
Not so, my farmer friends take their shoes off automatically and I do the same in their houses. With the recent (last night, again) heavy snow I would not dream of wearing dirty boots or shoes into someones house.
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>> I would not dream of wearing dirty boots or shoes into someones house.
What? I wouldn't either, and wouldn't even in my house, an hotel, or wherer.
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In 'proper' posh persons houses, the decoration of each room is subject to the use of each room, as well as who is allowed in said room.
My father used to work on removals, for a company based in a town known for its expensive houses, and (once upon a time) high class of resident.
He discovered, that the rooms used for visitors, were always clean and tidy, with a floor covering suitable to the amount and type of use the room would get.
The private rooms however....
One of the worst properties for untidiness apparently was the local MP's!
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>> Said friends have just had an expensive makeover of their lounge...( looked all right to
>> me, made ours look like a hovel )...still, they've got the money. I've been warned
>> tonight that they have an expensive white carpet and that I will be expected to
>> wear clean socks and remove my shoes.
A white carpet? My goodness, not to my taste at all. #Though they've "got money", I bet they'll fret over the thing all the time.
>> Do I take slippers and look a fool if the wearing of shoes is acceptable.
Thelephone them and ask them "Do you wear shoes indoors or shall I bring my slippers?". If this is not permissable, review how friendly you are with them!
>> I'm also not inclined to accept a drink in the lounge
I like the public bar, myself.
>> I can just see muggins here knocking over a coffee or a red wine.
C'est la vie. If they can't accept the risk, then they won't do it. If they are unaware of the risk, they will be enlightened.
>> Surely, if you want a social life and wish to have people and grandchildren round,
>> then an expensive white carpet is a np-no ?
I agree. Very dodgy and naff taste-wise, too.
I do not want to appear rude by the above, by the way. If they're really friends and not show-off acquaintances, they won't ming questions at all!
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Taking the contrary position to pat ! I worked with a couple of Muslim families over the years, when visiting their homes it felt "right" to remove shoes going into their houses - sound common sense as well from hygiene point of view, never felt uncomfortable doing it. Always make sure you've got half decent socks on though !
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>> I worked with a couple of Muslim families over the years, when visiting their
>> homes it felt "right" to remove shoes going into their houses
Yes, yes, absolutely agree...
>> sound common sense as well from hygiene point of view
?
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I think the reason that this is a Muslim custom (of course would be happy to be corrected) is to stop stuff from the outside being carried in the house under soles of one's feet - especially dog dirt. I honestly can't see the problem with the habit of doing it. I am generally shoeless at home anyway as I said never taken to slippers - I guess it must reduce cleaning.
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>> >> sound common sense as well from hygiene point of view
>>
>> ?
>>
I agree with PU. When our children were small and always playing on the floor, I did ask people to remove shoes. You can have walked in anything.
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I don't ask people to remove shoes or expect it, but I don't wear outdoor shoes in my own sitting room either.
There is a third way, which is indoor shoes. We visited friends on New Year's Eve, by invitation. I walked there (about half a mile) in rubber soled heavy shoes (wet night) but took a pair of clean well polished loafers to change into (which were also smarter than the shoes I went in).
I did this voluntarily because I would have appreciated it myself. If I'm going into a nicely carpeted house on an everyday basis I will usually remove my shoes unasked especially if it's wet out.
Drink what you like. You aren't going throw it on the carpet on purpose and an accident is just that. If you were to go with my wife, you wouldn't need to worry - she'd knock it over first anyway ;-)
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All our floors are either wooden or tiled. Never really give it a thought. In summer we're usually in bare feet and in winter we keep our shoes on. When required a mop or a sweeping brush gets the floor clean. There's a rug here and there and they get shaken out in the garden from time to time. Houses are for living in.
Despite working in banking, my wife's first love and indeed her degree is in fine art. Our house is generally full of unfinished work in progress. Sploshed paint, bits of metal and wood, picture frames etc. Carpet really wouldn't work !
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Totally agree with the last two posts. Imagine all the dirt etc that you have walked on and then drop into a carpet. We always take of our shoes when entering someones house and expect them to do the same when entering our living room (rest of the grd flooring tiled) but do not take offenc it they do not.
I cleaned the carpet recently and saw the amount of dirt that was removed, so could not imagine if outside shoes had be used regularly on it what is would have looked like!
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Of course here (Sweden) no-one wears shoes in the house, plus no-one has carpet (nor do they turn down/off the heating during the day!). Generally, if invited to someones house you either take slippers or just your socks. Many people will have a few spare pairs of slippers for guests. If you go to a posh party, then everyone turns up in their best shoes, but leave them at the door and get their slippers out of their bag.
In my house I just have the original oiled pine floor boards, complete with all the nicks and scrapes collected over the years when the downstairs was a small factory making socks. There are even worn depressions where the operators stood in front of the machines. But as a result, I let visitors wear their outside shoes in the kitchen if they're just stopping by. But trying to get the swedes to keep their shoes on is always a bit tricky, and they're obviously embarassed about it, sorting of walking around without trying to put weight on their feet. I usually joke that their 'outdoor' shoes are cleaner than my floor.
Even many small office based businesses, ike my accountants, will use slippers in the office.
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I have a confession - I used to take my shoes off in work occasionally - used to raise the odd eyebrow but hell ! Especially true if I rode into work.
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I dont have a carpet in the house. All the floors are stripped varnished floorboards, except the kitchen and bathrooms are tilled. All can be hoovered easily and wiped back to new with a damp cloth. A house is for living in, with all that entails, not a place of reverence and fear.
As for shoes off, yes in a muslim household thats accepted as it it is a religious custom, anyone else who gives me instructions on how to behave and what to wear doesn't get visited.
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Flippin' heck Zero, this is becoming a bit of a worry. There have been several recent occasions when I've agreed with you.... Crickey...
:-)
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To be fair Humph, it was like that when we bought it because it looked good and in character ( 1930's build) and quickly realised how damn convenient, practical and worry free a carpet less house is.
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>>>quickly realised how damn convenient, practical and worry free a carpet less house is.
And noisy too.
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>> And noisy too.
Only if you keep your shoes on...
:-)
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Almost certainly a more noisy option for the folk next door - unless you're detached. And if you live in a flat, well...
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Friend of ours lives below such a flat. Fortunately the owners are only there at weekends. From the floor below it sounds like clog dancers rehearsing.
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>>>Only if you keep your shoes on...
No... everything's noisy. When I wnt from carpet to wood laminate a couple of years ago in the room where our hi-fi lives I had to change the speakers due to the *shouty* nature of the acoustics.
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...No... everything's noisy...
Certainly is.
The trend for stripped floors has been a real menace to people who live in Victorian and Georgian houses converted flats, which are not best sound-insulated in the first place.
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Taking shoes off is not just a muslim thing, it is part of eastern culture. Japanese and Chinese and Indians and other orientals all do it.
shoesoffatthedoorplease.blogspot.com/2010/08/culture.html
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Culture
Some people in Britain and the USA have an interesting perspective on this subject. They feel happy taking off their shoes at the home of an Asian person whose culture demands removal of shoes, but consider it deeply rude for a British or American person to insist on visitors to her home removing their shoes.
There are two problems with this attitude. Firstly, there is a touch of cultural arrogance about it. It implies that the Asian custom of removing shoes is purely of spiritual or cultural significance with no practical value. Maybe Asian people are primarily concerned about keeping their homes clean! Behind the pretended respect for a foreign culture, there is the unspoken assumption that Western practice is superior.
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Not wearing shoes, or at least slippers, in the house is a bit daft from a safety point of view.
Spill some boiling water on your stockinged feet and you'll sharp reach for a pair of brogues.
Bare feet is particularly stupid and not the least bit hygienic since most household 'dust' is dry skin.
Of course, I wouldn't dream of wearing muddy boots in someone else's house.
But Ted's friends know he will leave his clean house, get in his clean car, alight on their clean drive, wipe his feet on their clean doormat and walk in.
Or do they think Ted lives in a ditch?
i know whose house I'd rather visit.
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"Behind the pretended respect for a foreign culture, there is the unspoken assumption that Western practice is superior."
If your floors are as cold as the floors in my house, then the Western practice is superior, and I'm happy to speak my assumption.
"It implies that the Asian custom of removing shoes is purely of spiritual or cultural significance with no practical value."
Not at all. Largely of cultural significance, perhaps. But not purely.
"They feel happy taking off their shoes at the home of an Asian person whose culture demands removal of shoes, but consider it deeply rude for a British or American person to insist on visitors to her home removing their shoes."
I have close relatives who adopted a no shoes policy a few years ago. I don't consider it to be deeply rude. I just consider it to be deeply cranky. But it's their house, and if they want to be cranky in their house, that's fine. No doubt some of the things I do seem cranky to them.
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>> As for shoes off, yes in a muslim household thats accepted as it it is
>> a religious custom, anyone else who gives me instructions on how to behave and what
>> to wear doesn't get visited.
I have no problem with a request - I'd rather be a considerate guest than not. Hospitality is a two way affair. Do I need to get religion to have a right to consideration?
I've a friend who won't come to my house because I won't let her dog in. I think they're unhygenic and don't want one in the house. She can't understand this and thinks it is unreasonable of me. Where's the compromise in that?
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>>I've a friend who won't come to my house because I won't let her dog in.
I wonder why your friend would want to bring her dog to your house in the first place. We have friends with dogs, but they never bring them when they come to visit.
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i run a no shoe on in house policy
so does the rest of the family in their houses
cant see the problem myself as who wants road dirt brought in
to the OP if you aren't comfortable in socks then take your slippers and it will liven the atmosphere up as you explain why you brung em
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>>i run a no shoe on in house policy
Do you display a discrete notice on your front door, BB?
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>>I wonder why your friend would want to bring her dog to your house in the first place
She is not known as the most rational of people especially where the dog is concerned.
I have other friends with dogs and I have no problem with them (or their dogs). They would never think of bringing the dog in if they dropped in for a cup of tea either, and not just because it's me.
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Can't she just leave the damn dog in the car?
Or plonk down a bowl of water and tie it up outside?
Too simple, I suppose.
I wouldn't have the flea-bitten disease-carrying mutt in my house either.
PU might be visiting in his bare feet. :)
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It seems to me, that a fitted carpeted house seems to be a particularly English custom.
As for dogs? As mine is exceptionally friendly, clean and well behaved most people are happy to see her. If they are not happy she is just as happy curled up in the car.
As for dogs being diseased and dirty, frankly we need to be exposed to more. This country is rapidly breeding a race who are intolerant to the everyday bio hazards found in life. Its the inbreeding of allergies that will kill this race, nothing else, our immune systems need to be made to work.
Last edited by: Zero on Sat 8 Jan 11 at 11:39
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>> As for dogs being diseased and dirty, frankly we need to be exposed to more.
>> This country is rapidly breeding a race who are intolerant to the everyday bio hazards
>> found in life. Its the inbreeding of allergies that will kill this race, nothing else,
>> our immune systems need to be made to work.
>>
>>>>>Quite correct and is exactly what i tell people who spend money on friendly bacteria.
I suggest they eat a little dirt every now and then like i do even if they only lick the dirt out from under their nails
always wash your hands after going to the toilet though as theres good germs and baddy germs
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I'm OK with pets until I see them coming over for a nuzzle and lick shortly after licking their backsides clean...my cat tends to do that, and he isn't the only one.
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...shortly after licking their backsides clean...
Which brings to mind an old joke which I think I'll get away with on here.
Why does a dog lick its balls?
Because it can.
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Mike Harding used to do a version of that one. At the girlfriend's parents, struggling for small talk, and watching the the dog licking its parts...to the girlfriend's dad -
"I wish I could do that".
"Give him a piece of cake and he'll let you".
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It had to be a Bonio with mine. ;>)
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People with dogs live longer, apparently. Unless it's one of those chavy types, or you trip over it and fall down the stairs.
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...or you trip over it and fall down the stairs...
Or you are a baby or toddler and the dog kills you.
Last edited by: Iffy on Sat 8 Jan 11 at 14:23
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Take slippers, preferably ones which don't clash with your clothes, and ask your host whether they would prefer you to wear said slippers or your outdoor shoes. Wearing just socks is slobbish.
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All good stuff....I'll stick my slippers in the car but I won't produce them unless told.
I've only got a pair 'cos I had to wear some during my cataract op. I'm not comfortable in them, no side support and I don't like socks only due to the neuropathy.
If you suffer from this, you'll know that even to step on something like a cable on the floor makes you jump with pain... Cold feet are also painful.
We have Amtica in the kitchen, a sort of laminate in the hall and cushionfloor in the bathroom. The rest of the house is carpeted and will remain so !
I agree with Stuart's post about things or friends being most important....I go for people.
Drink all the red wine you want in out dining room....the carpet's the same colour !
Ted
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With two young kids and a dog in the house, we decided to put laminate down through the entire downstairs a few years back. When I think of what's been trodden in or spilled since, I reckon any carpet would be completely destroyed by now.
Sweep it daily, and wash it once a week. Simples.
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Ted, whatever you do don't drink red wine there.
You can't reach my age, or even yours, without the odd toe-curling experience, but one of the worst I can remember involved my own clumsiness, a big glass of red wine on a silly little table, and the French Embassy Press Attache's white shag carpet and houseproud wife. Oh yes, and a rather fetching semi-tropical whistle that was never the same again, although the unscathed trousers no longer fit my verging-on-middle age girth.
The amount of faffing, the Filipino maid, the search for salt (the French don't know about that, perhaps because it doesn't really work), the apologies, the assurances that it didn't matter a bit, still echo in my ears today if I think about it. Another brick in the evil wall of my social reputation in French diplomatic circles.
Shudder.
Of course only idiots would have a vulnerable carpet in the sitting room unless they didn't mean ever to entertain or allow nippers in the place. Pure anti-social stupidity (I'm sure your old friends have many virtues though).
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"Drink all the red wine you want in our dining room....the carpet's the same colour !"
Due to design or spillage?? :-)
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Load of nonsense, it's enough to make a chap want to walk all over their precious carpet in muddy gumboots.
It's a pathetic modern snobby fad all this shoe-removing stuff. Years ago people had floor coverings appropriate to the useage of the room. They provided a boot-scraper outside the front door to get the worst of the mud off, but after that they took the view that a carpet was meant for walking on. If it was an Aubuson and too precious, they hung it on the wall.
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Design, Smokie....last glass I spilt restricted itself to the table !
Spot on..Cliff. A home is to be lived in....make it look nice, of course, but not to the point where you only let your fiends see it by pressing their noses against the lounge window.
I'll report back on the night !
I'll bet they've never had a Border Terrier turd trodden through the place !
Ted
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Some people own houses, others own homes.
Pat
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A house without carpets is just horrid.
Practical - yes, but how can one be comfortable loafing around on a shiny wood or marble floor?
I have missed carpets for all the time we have been in Spain and am looking forward to having "fully fitted" again, rather than rugs.
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>>Some people own houses, others own homes.
Well said.
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I find this thread quite amusing.
We have friends over quite a lot and the strict rules in BobbyG's house are that the more casual the better! If you want to slouch in a pair of joggers with your feet up in the couch, well if you are happy and relaxed, then thats fine with me!
Downstairs we have no fitted carpets, just laminate, tiles and rugs. Quite amusing seeing how a 12 week old pup can slide across the floor rather than taking the corner at speed, although am sure is not good for his joints!
Our house is clean an tidy but its no show home, I would be seriously p'eed off if any of my friends or relatives felt they had to bring a certain standard with them!
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I'm impressed how my dog's ABS, EPS and Traction Control cope with the corners in the kitchen (shiny surface) as he dashes to the back door in the mornings - all his warning lights must be on !
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I'm not much into dogs, but there used to be a really mangy specimen in the garage.
At the behest of the proprietor, the dog had to go along when we were out and about in the pick-up, collecting parts.
The dog would sit upright on the front passenger seat, and it was quite funny to watch how he would lean into bends, almost as if he was reading the road ahead.
Cruelly, I used to swerve unexpectedly to throw him off balance.
The dog would quickly recover his composure and give me the sort of pitying look which I imagine most owners would recognise.
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>> I'm impressed how my dog's ABS, EPS and Traction Control cope with the corners in
>> the kitchen (shiny surface) as he dashes to the back door in the mornings -
>> all his warning lights must be on !
>> +
>>
My car has been doing that recently. It's pretty rubbish though, all the lights flash after it has started a pirouette. :-)
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Dogs are lumbering things like Range Rovers or even Cadillac Escalades. The Audi Quattros of the domestic animal world where slippery floors are concerned are cats. Very good power/weight ratio and trick differentials controlling the awd.
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>> where slippery floors are concerned are cats. Very good power/weight ratio
>> and trick differentials controlling the awd.
>>
They need to go on a young driver training course first though. Our kitten hurls itself onto the kitchen table and resembles a plane trying to land on an aircraft carrier in heavy seas and a cross wind. Once it spectacularly dashed in through the cat flap, onto the table, and skidded the full length and fell off the far end.
She's getting the hang of it now, but still can't entirely work out when to switch to spiked tyres or when low-pressure fur is better.
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That's made me want a kitten again:)
Pat
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Extraordinary to spend so much money on an item that doesn't do the job. And expecting your friends to remove their footwear is quite unacceptable. (That's a world apart from removing muddy wellies when entering a house.)
I suggest taking your labrador with you. Or slippers. Walking around bare foot is downright dangerous, you never know what you might step on.
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Carpet etiquette. - R.P.
