Now then, I suspect there are many older or at least wiser heads than mine on here so...
I'm sort of on holiday this week. Not going anywhere special but my son is on half term so I'm trying to spend a bit of time with him while his mum is at work as I never get the chance to take a break in the August summer school holidays.
As a family we enjoy trail riding and mountain biking. My wife loves it too but is not into the technology. I'm mildly potty on the subject and my son who is 10.5 years old is starting to show strong signs of my fanaticism for the activity.
Anyway we ( me and 'im ) were doing our thing today of trailing round bike shops drooling over the latest kit and, well, we've both sort of seen a bike each which we feel inexorably drawn to.
Now the thing is, I don't really need another mountain bike as such. I've already got two and another in bits. He doesn't really either, he's got two although one of them is getting a bit small..."She" has ...um...one. It's a bit old, a bit tatty, a bit low tech but she's happy with it and doesn't see any need to upgrade. Ours are, well, cough, quite a bit better than that already you see.
The dilemma with which I seek guidance is how to get her to the position of thinking that we would be well advised, indeed mad not to, avail ourselves of the two new and even more fancy bikes for H Jnr. and me...
I'm sure I'll get there unaided in the end but it struck me that there might be a wealth of untapped man-maths based deviousness to draw upon herein ?
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Just a thought Humph....ever thought about asking him if there is anything totally different he'd love to do with you on this rare week off together?
I've seen so many sons trying to live up to what their father wants and they never get to flourish and develop their real selves.
As an example, my son is 45 yrs old and he has finally told me this year that he doesn't want me to make him a Christmas cake as none of them like it.
I'm still sulking and will continue to do so but it's a point worth pondering!
Pat
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I've only just managed to stop Nicole making Thomas the Tank engine birthday cakes for my son (he is 21)
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>> I've only just managed to stop Nicole making Thomas the Tank engine birthday cakes for
>> my son (he is 21)
>>
How old is your daughter Nicole?
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Nicole is the Zero Trophy wife...
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Good point Pat. It took me until I was well into my 20s to get my mother to stop making me Angel Delight. I liked it for about two years from the age of 9.
:-)
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My mother gives me a cheque every birthday for the amount in pounds for my age. This year I got £46. Is that women maths?
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>> My mother gives me a cheque every birthday for the amount in pounds for my
>> age. This year I got £46. Is that women maths?
But it all adds up son.
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Why did she short change you? 0:)
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>> I'm sure I'll get there unaided in the end but it struck me that there
>> might be a wealth of untapped man-maths based deviousness to draw upon herein ?
maths wont work, engineering and technology will blind them however.
The boy is easy
His extra weight and size now means that torque and stress are being transmitted into the frame of his old bike, it will fail with catastrophic consequences.
Now lets be honest, you dont REALLY need three and a box of bits, do you. Tell her that now the boy has a new one, you need one too, but you will *trade* up. Sell the other two.
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Just buy them and claim you've had them for years, that's what my wife does when she wants new shoes.
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>> Just buy them and claim you've had them for years, that's what my wife does
>> when she wants new shoes.
Ain't that the truth, Dave? Ditto, handbags! :-(
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On wife logic you should be dithering between two and compromise by buying both :-(
John
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>> Sell the other two.
Well I could I suppose but when my son is older they'll make great school hack bikes and what's more we do have a bit of a tendency to bend bikes from time to time so it pays to have a spare...and one of them is a bit of a collector's item, an original Californian bike...and...
I do like the torque / stress angle though. That has legs !
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Tell her they were on offer and you saved pounds buying them.
SWMBO thinks that works on me. ;>)
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Humph, change it to the workplace and see use what works there.
Tell her you have employed an external firm of expert consultants and they advised you to buy it as your current model was now obsolete and illegal under the latest Health & Safety laws and you could face a fine, jail or corporate manslaughter charges if found to be liable.
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Like it Bobby. This is just the sort of thing combined with Zero's torque argument...We may be getting somewhere.
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A little thread deflection, but I'm sure quite a few of us are wondering which bikes have caught your eye?
I'd have thought most bikes in the shop would be too tricked-up, given your liking for minimalism.
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>> I'm sure quite a few of us are wondering which bikes have caught your eye?
Errm.. they're um...sort of bespoke hand built to your own specification jobs. Quite good value considering...Coughs....
Whistles innocently...
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...Quite good value considering...Coughs....
Sounds like the cycling equivalent of a MacBook Pro.
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Hand-built to your spec... and in the shop ready built. They have your name on them! :-)
Iffy knows the answer.... buy them. She'll understand.
Could they be classed as xmas presents?
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>> >> Errm.. they're um...sort of bespoke hand built >>
No chance of a link, I suppose?
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Come on Humph. You know the answer. Just strap them on that boot mounted bike rack thingy (you've still got it haven't you?), they'll fall off and you'll then have a good excuse for a couple of new ones. And you can scrape the old bits of the road and keep them as spares.
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Good idea Corax ! Bit of a drastic option though.
They are not exactly built yet to be fair. We've just been to see and discuss the possibilities. Just trying to look at all the implications and balances of the possible pleasure versus the potential pain you see...
:-)
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Humph, when I 'needed' a new (and additional of course) mountain bike I found that disposing of my little used tourer was the answer, that way I achieved some degree of both financial and 'storage-space' prid pro quo with the chair of the household finance committee.....
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I tried to deflect this thread from inviting what has the potential to be WW3 before Christmas between Humph and Mrs H.
You've all encouraged him to go ahead and will sit there smugly enjoying the turkey and brandy snaps, while he sits in the shed with only a selection of bikes and a dormouse for company on Christmas Day.
Shame on you all!
Pat
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Now you don't think he'll be allowed his dongle, do you?
Pat
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True, hell has no fury like a pee'd off female.
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You have to admire this guy. He has the answer and he didn't Goooooogle it.
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>> might be a wealth of untapped ... deviousness to draw upon herein ?
>>
>>
>>
Humph, truly sorry to hear about your garage break-in tonight when the boys' bikes will be thieved by some heartless scrotes. Urgent replacement while the polis scratch their heads is the only answer.
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Good-un!
Now who is prepared to carry out the nefarious deed?
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Dunno, but I suppose I could leave a conveniently placed bike rack to aid the operation..
:-)
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Forget it, the trail of bikes would leave the old bill an easy job.
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And..having been missing for a couple of weeks, wouldn't it just be a major stroke of luck if they were ahem....found again.....having been replaced of course.
Tuneless whistle....
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Come to think of it Hawkeye, your plan has some merit. I'd avoid the Police bit though. " No point darling, they'll not be interested in a couple of bikes"... Now, comes the tricky bit. The best person I know to be complicit in such an arrangement is my wife's sister's husband. ( Is he my brother-in-law ? ) He's the same guy who when sent shopping for the new family car came back with the old car and a split new Honda Fireblade. Storing the old bikes in his shed for a couple of weeks might do it, provided of course....no maybe not eh...
:-)
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...no maybe not eh...
A SHOE company director appeared in court today charged with perverting the course of justice.
Humph D'bout, 49, is alleged to have faked the theft of his mountain bikes in a bizarre bid to persuade his wife to allow him to buy replacements.
It is understood the plan was formulated during late-night chats on an internet forum of which D'bout is a prominent member.
No plea was taken during the short preliminary hearing at Cheshire Magistrates' Court.
The bench bailed D'bout on condition he does not use the internet or visit any shop which sells mountain bikes.
Dafter things have happened. :)
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>> A SHOE company director appeared in court today charged with perverting the course of justice.
>> Humph D'bout, 49, is alleged to have faked the theft of his mountain bikes
>> in a bizarre bid to persuade his wife to allow him to buy replacements.
Sounds like he's been poaching ideas from canoe man and modifying them to his own ends. Of course I wouldn't want Humph to disappear though (or fake his own death).
:-)
Last edited by: corax on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 12:27
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Just a quick request. Could everyone continue to fail to come up with good justifications for Humph please? I'm trying to stop myself spending a large lump of cash on a new bike, and good ideas are not helping!
Thanks.
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Well, I'm trying to help SO.
Pat
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Do we need to set up a support group?
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I think the guy with one testicle's in greater need. ;>)
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Oh I don't know, surely his support needs have diminished?
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>> ...no maybe not eh...
>>
>> A SHOE company director appeared in court today charged with perverting the course of justice.
>> Humph D'bout, 49, 8
Last week's announcement on Quangos with its prospect of my job being abolished means laffs are a bit hard to come by at the Mo. Thanks to Iffy, and Pat above, for giving me a healthy chuckle!!
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>> my wife's sister's husband. ( Is he my brother-in-law ? ) >>
Pedant Corner
I am frankly horrified that noone has picked up on this!
;-)
One's brother in law is one's wife's brother or one's sister's husband.
Last edited by: Duncan on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 22:44
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I was thinking of adding it should be 'my sister-in-law's husband', but after the furore my jocular comment about the spelling of centre provoked, I thought I'd stay below the parapet. ;>)
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Trade in the old ones for the new ones. As long as her indoors doesn't see a net gain in the number of bikes, especially if new ones have some dust added, she'll not realise.
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Is there not a "you need a new bike darling" angle in this? Bring her into the conspiracy, then you've the goods on her and she can't split to the feds?
John
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Take mrs Humph to a health farm for a weekend, she can do the pampered/wallow in warm mud thing while you do the bike through the cold mud thing. Then you can claim that the bike is damaged/worn out/beyond economical repair, and softened up she may allow a replacement. Young humph is easy, he has outgrown his bike.
Last edited by: Old Navy on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 18:09
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Someone's got to say it so it might as well be me....arn't you getting a bit long in the tooth for this sort of fetish Hump, your time of life it should be pipe and slippers.
Ya boo sucks...hope he don't recognise me.
:-)
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....arn't you getting a bit long in the tooth for this sort of fetish Hump...
Helps make him feel young, tear-arsing around the countryside, being a hazard to legitimate users such as dog walkers, horse riders, and proper leisure cyclists.
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>> Someone's got to say it so it might as well be me....arn't you getting a
>> bit long in the tooth for this sort of fetish Hump, your time of life
>> it should be pipe and slippers.
>>
>> Ya boo sucks...hope he don't recognise me.
>>
>> :-)
>>
Some people try to keep age at bay GB...
for instance you will know when your getting old, when you decide to give up your 124 Merc!....
Oh Bother......
Last edited by: swiss tony on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 19:56
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Even when I'm consigned to one of those little electric trikes GB, I fully intend to have one with an ally frame, lockout front shocks with adjustable pre-load, disc brakes and 24 gears on Shimano speed shifters...
Ya boo to anything less !
Last edited by: Humph D'bout on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 20:00
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He cant keep the thing on the track anyway, he keeps falling off. Some crap about dogs he says,,,, Its cobblers of course.
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>> He cant keep the thing on the track anyway, he keeps falling off.
There's a climb on the Sandstone Trail known as the "Dune" a sand filled steep rutted gulley which sorts the men from the boys. I'll have you know I can get up that quicker than most and indeed most can't get up it at all without getting off and pushing.
Age ? Doesn't exist from the day when you can pay your first bill with money you've earned until the day you die.
:-))
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>> There's a climb on the Sandstone Trail known as the "Dune" a sand filled steep
>> rutted gulley which sorts the men from the boys. I'll have you know I can
>> get up that quicker than most and indeed most can't get up it at all
>> without getting off and pushing.
Sounds to me like you don't need new wheels then......
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You just don't get it do you ?
:-)
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>> You just don't get it do you ?
>>
>> :-)
Of course I do.
Its a simple matter of IW
I WANT.
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...I'll have you know I can get up that quicker than most and indeed most can't get up it at all...
One of those eager-beaver types, eh?
What's wrong with having a lie-in on Sunday morning?
Read the papers, a bacon sandwich - leave bird scaring to the farmers.
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Lie in ? No way. Way I see it I'll be lying down in the dark soon enough without the ability or option to get up ever again. You get one life and then you die. You might get 70, 80, 90 or more years but they aren't going to be guaranteed. This weekend might be your last so try to enjoy it. If sleeping is your hobby, fair enough !
:-)
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I was thinking that today - First question was "why do I do this ?" as I was bowled along the A55 by a south westerly on the RT - as the adrenalin kicked in I remembered why..
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>> as the adrenalin kicked in I remembered why..
A good few years ago now, I was in Cyprus blagging the hire of a trailie bike ( don't have a bike licence but you know a wee bit of extra folding stuff counts just as well once you get away from Northern Europe ) Anyway I got a 350 Honda or something. The very old guy in the queue behind me looked entirely like he was going to ask for a Daewoo Matiz or somesuch.
Bit later on I'm pootling around on my bike only to see him on an Africa Twin in a bandana, his good lady on the back, popping wheelies down by Paphos harbour.
Respect !
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It was rough today - 60mph gusts - but buzzy after it passed...
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You know I've ridden a lot of bikes. Even owned a couple when I lived in Brazil and also in Italy. Hired loads of others in obscure places. Once went on a trip up the Amazon on one a squillion years ago. But, for no real reason I've never driven one with a helmet on or leathers etc.. Not something to brag about, just one of those things I suppose. Can't quite get my head round having a bike in Britain but as I don't actually have a ticket it's not really an issue. Once went on the back of a friend's from London to Oxford with a borrowed helmet but I'll never do that again.
S'pose I should try it if the legs get too weary for pedals.
Last edited by: Humph D'bout on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 21:13
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"indeed most can't get up it at all"
When I'm having trouble getting it up, I think about the yummy mummies on the school run. Or my wife's sister.
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Adrenalin rush, i don't need ride a bike for one of those i've got swmbo who has against my better judgement driven me tonight in the pocket rocket, AltonTowers has got nothing on it i'm still shaking seriously.
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Aren't you a bit old for a car like that GB...?
:-))
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Yes i am far too sensible for that car, but it's put the fun back into driving for She Who Must, dog with two tails or similar springs to mind.
It might just go in for a gentle remap +40 that'll give her an even bigger grin.
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Humph,
If I need something like a new camera (I love new cameras!!) I find that accompanying SWMBO on one of her shopping trips (new handbag, expensive new boots (winter's coming on), new coat etc - you know, the sort of things women seem to buy every week) offers an ideal opportunity to say how lovely she looks in new boots, coat etc. In extreme cases I would even offer to pay for said coat, boots etc and might even treat her to lunch (nice sandwich and a coffee!) while out. At which point, of course, one mentions the lovely new camera, laptop (or even bike) one has one's eyes on especially if one's existing camera/laptop/bike is a bit worn (like her old handbag/coat/boots)- no need to mention the price - how could she refuse?
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>> When I'm having trouble getting it up, I think about the yummy mummies on the school run. Or my wife's sister.
Dave, you are a bad man!!!
Last edited by: Bromptonaut on Tue 26 Oct 10 at 22:15
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Man-maths is a new one on me. Is it some type of maths conceived since I left school in the 1950s?
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Snalie man-maths is a man's ability to make any calculation look good regardless of how badly the bottom line actually stacks up. I.e. persuade himself to buy something prohibitively expensive !
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Late to this thread as we've been away for a week (Herefordshire - could be a good area to retire to in a few years) recovering from younger daughter's wedding.
Humph - the logic is simple, particularly if Mrs D'About is also Scottish.
1 Mini-roundabout is 10.5 and will grow fast in the next 2 years.
2 VAT goes up in January.
3 Buying now saves money.
4 Tell her that if you buy one for yourself there is a saving at the dealer on both
(that could even be true).
Good luck....
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Good excuses / Man maths - Suggestions ? - Pat
