Non-motoring > Funeral etiquette Miscellaneous
Thread Author: L'escargot Replies: 28

 Funeral etiquette - L'escargot
It's so long since I went to a funeral that I've forgotten what is the done thing. Which side of the church should an aquaintance of the deceased sit, or doesn't it matter?
 Funeral etiquette - Manatee
www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/index.asp?pageid=39



The above makes no mention of sides. Other than the common sense of leaving the front rows for family, it probably doesn't matter - until you asked, I'd never given a thought to "sides", but I profess no special knowledge.
 Funeral etiquette - Clk Sec
Where should I sit during the service:



tinyurl.com/2wwgsed



Page across to the 8th segment, or scroll down to paragraph 6.







 Funeral etiquette - L'escargot
Thanks Clk Sec, I'm a neighbour so I stay well back.
 Funeral etiquette - Clk Sec
I didn't intend to take up quite so much space on your thread, L'escargot...
 Funeral etiquette - L'escargot
>> I didn't intend to take up quite so much space on your thread, L'escargot...

>>



It's not you fault, Clk Sec. See the post "Reducing condensation in garage".
 Funeral etiquette - VxFan
Problem has been reported.
 Funeral etiquette - hawkeye
Sympathy, L'E



FWIW;



I went to the funeral of a long-standing gardening customer last Friday. I parked a little way from the church so I wouldn't be in the way of neighbours, family mourners and the hearse. Given that the deceased was only partially mobile, had a retinue of helpers and gofers (me included) and lived in a small village, I was surprised at the poor turnout of about 30. The vicar greeted me outside the church and I was given an order of service as I entered. The family pews at the front were clearly marked as reserved and I sat on the other side of the church to them. One of the sons (who I was at school with) spoke movingly for 20 mins. There were 2 collection dishes, one for the church and one for an organisation chosen by the family of the deceased. The son who had delivered the eulogy stood at the church door and thanked every mourner for coming as we left. I didn't join the group for refreshments afterwards.



Last edited by: hawkeye on Wed 13 Oct 10 at 10:09
 Funeral etiquette - Mike Hannon
If you don't go to other people's funerals they won't go to yours...
 Funeral etiquette - Pat
I went to one at our local church a couple of weeks ago.

In this case, family were directed to the front right hand side and friends on the left.



Pat
 Funeral etiquette - Bellboy
i sit depending on familiarity of deceased to myself

etiquette obviously dictates you dont sit right at the front unless directed,other than that i personally sit where i can best be part of the service
 Funeral etiquette - Tooslow
Mike, I don't want dead people turning up at my funeral. It might upset the few live ones there.



John
 Funeral etiquette - Chris S
On a serious note what should you do if a funeral cortege drives by and you wearing a hat?



Take it off? I quickly look away and pretend I didn't see it.
 Funeral etiquette - Fursty Ferret
Didn't know there was an etiquette for funerals, other than not to sit in the front row. Went to one of an old family friend a month or two ago. Most of the people there were pretty elderly and the chapel was packed, so I stood at the back and let others sit down. Not etiquette; politeness.



 Funeral etiquette - Fenlander
>>>I didn't join the group for refreshments afterwards. (Hawkeye said)



Makes me think back to a recent funeral we hosted. Church was pretty full and a flexible invitation offered back to the (normal sized) house for those close to the deceased. We had caterers doing finger buffet but were gobsmacked at the tenacity of people we hardly knew crushing in to avail themselves of the hospitality. At one point those entering the front door put such pressure on room in the hallway folks were creeping up the stairs to avoid them. Greedy ******s!



Next one we hosted in a local small hotel. Offered everyone a first drink on the deceased so to speak. Final bar tab £450! Again greedy whotsits.



Where folks sat in the church would be the least of our worries in future.

 Funeral etiquette - madf
You are all invited to my funeral.. Free drinks and dancing girls. Bring a friend.







PS : I intend to live until 2050
Last edited by: madf on Wed 13 Oct 10 at 12:41
 Funeral etiquette - bathtub tom
I find I'm getting progressively closer to the front at funerals. ;>(



 Funeral etiquette - Cliff Pope
>> I find I'm getting progressively closer to the front at funerals. ;>(

>>

>>

>>

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The time to start worrying is when you are all alone at the front, and it is very dark.
 Funeral etiquette - RattleandSmoke
I am at the age where I seem to be attending a lot of funerals. Attended three since 2005, my grandad (mums side), my uncle (mums brother) and then a grandmother (dads mum) this year.



My grandpa is nearly 91 and my other grandma is 81 so they will be more to come :(. A lot of my relatives have hit that risky age of being in their 60's too.



Just don't do what my uncles (mums brother) father in law did and took over at my grandads funeral meaning I was three rows back at my own grandad who I was very close to funeral. I couldn't here some of it and it still upsets me today. He tried to to the same at uncles funeral but my grandma stopped him and said "family only here".



My grandmother who died this years funeral was well organised in the fact it was organised on proper family order so people didn't get the chance to push in.



Funerals are always difficult as everybody is upset, when this person pushed in at my grandads funeral something which normaly would not bother me really really upset me.



Five years as passed and the entire thing about my grandads death still upsets me, he was 78 when he died but due to many failings I am still convinced he had a few more happy years left.
 Funeral etiquette - madf
"Funerals are always difficult as everybody is upset"



Maybe in your family rattle.. but our relatives are all over the place so funerals are always good for a get together..



Happy memories.. not sad...
 Funeral etiquette - BiggerBadderDave
"Funerals are always difficult as everybody is upset"



Not those that stand to inherit the house.
 Funeral etiquette - Bellboy
yep until you block off the a27 going to basildon crematorium and create a 5 mile queue you havent lived or is it died
anyway it was a good one even if it was a get em in get em burnt setup

next service please...........
everything else was fine
 Funeral etiquette - RattleandSmoke
Thats not very nice.

Its like my grandpa if he passes it away it would solve all my parents financial problems but I hope he lives to 100 or beyond (as longs as he is still happy and healthy).

In the question of my grandads funeral it wasn't my family which pushed in it is why I was so annoyed.

The worst one was my uncles as he was only in his mid 50's when he died of a heart attack and it was very sudden for all of us.

Where as my very ill grand mother died at 89 she had been so ll for many years she was like a zombie anyway. She was only awake for 30 minutes a day so although upsetting we are sort of pleased she is in a better place.
 Funeral etiquette - DP
My dad's side of the family is spread all over the country, and it was remarked upon by a few of us at the last funeral we attended (my late uncle, six years ago) that funerals seemed to be the only time we all seem to get together. Out of that has come an effort, at least once a year, for everyone to get together in happier circumstances and catch up. It's worked well.
The funeral service always tends to be quite sombre, as befitting the occasion, but I have always found the less formal setting of the wake to be a much more upbeat affair. It tends to bring out good memories, amusing anecdotes, and a much more celebratory approach to the person's life. In the case of my late uncle, we were all laughing at my dad's absolutely spot-on observation that the deceased would be in fits of laughter at us lot standing in the pouring rain, getting soaked to the skin, watching his casket be lowered into the ground. Nobody who knew my late uncle well would doubt it. It was his sense of humour to a tee.
Those kind of things are a great way to remember someone.
 Funeral etiquette - helicopter
A funeral does not have to be sad.... a friend who died last year organised his own funeral and so had everyone smiling rather than crying when he was consigned to the furnace in the crematorium to his choice of 'Thats Life' sung by Frank Sinatra...

As we filed out a friend of mine ( aged 86 ) shook the hand of the vicar and chatting afterwards he broke me up laughing as with just a hint of a smile he muttered '..... 'The vicar said it was hardly worthwhile me going home.......'
Last edited by: Webmaster on Sun 17 Oct 10 at 13:01
 Funeral etiquette - Dog
My mate Big Terry (now dead Terry) had a 'natural' funeral, no service or Religion involved,
He was buried in a privately owned Cemetery and a friend organised some nosh and liquid refreshment afterwards.
 Funeral etiquette - AnotherJohnH
>> PS : I intend to live until 2050


That's nearly 2000 years longer than I expect to survive....


I'll get me black coat, and tie, and FWIW I've been to too many friends and family funerals lately.
 Funeral etiquette - mikeyb
When I was younger a family friend died - I didn't go the the funeral, but those that did said it was jolly good. He was aware that he only had a few months left so had planned his own funeral and was very anti religion so the only two tunes played were air on a g string (the one from the hamlet commercials) and Frank Sinatra "I did it my way"

The last one I went to was last month - a colleague died at work unexpectedly (heart attack). The turnout was huge, and his family were most grateful that about 50 of us from work made the effort to attend. Quite a sad affair though as he was only 53 and it was unexpected.

The saddest I attended was that of my best friend who died at 21. There is something so wrong about someone of that age being taken from us
 Funeral etiquette - hawkeye
>>
>> The saddest I attended was that of my best friend who died at 21. There
>> is something so wrong about someone of that age being taken from us
>>

Wasn't my best mate but a good friend all the same. Had the best job of all of us, girls fell at his feet, seemed as if nothing could go wrong for him. Jumped off one of the M62 bridges in '76. Children should bury their parents; not the other way round.
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