Happy: Miss Z has just got her success notification for a surgical registrar position at her first attempt.
Sad: It’s at her first choice of deanery which is where she studied and is 3 hours away on a good run.
Her current deanery (here) is just too big to commute around hence the wish to change. She can get pretty much anywhere in her new deanery within an hour or less if she gets a home in the centre and near a motorway junction, with only one exception.
She’s forever popping round in her spare time to pester me, so I’m going to miss her being only 10 miles away at the moment.
I know others here have kids that are no longer local. Does it bother you?
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>> I know others here have kids that are no longer local. Does it bother you?
Not at all. Both mine went to uni some distance away and have since worked in various places around the country. One went on a year tour of the world. SWMBO did find it difficult to only interact with the grandsprogs by video link during lockdown, but we all survived
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>> I know others here have kids that are no longer local. Does it bother you?
My first and only born is 70 miles away. Its a blessing.
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>>My first and only born is 70 miles away. Its a blessing.
Guess that the feeling is mutual?
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My three all live within 30mins drive but they are not always on the doorstep.
My paramedic daughter sometimes calls in the ambulance if she or her work partner want a wazz and a cuppa.
She called a few weeks ago and left the van with the blues on outside the house. My nosey, slimeball, pervert next door neighbour would have been apoplectic, not knowing what was going on.
I asked her to take me out on a trolley, with a red blanket over me just with my feet sticking out. She would then drop me round the corner and I could sneak
home in the dark. She decided it wasn't professional !
We all keep in touch, one way or anuvver all the time, though.
Ted
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"I asked her to take me out on a trolley, with a red blanket over me just with my feet sticking out. She would then drop me round the corner and I could sneak
home in the dark.
She decided it wasn't professional !"
I like that idea a lot. Unfortunately someone would not see the funny side and it would have the potential to be job losing.
Times have changed.
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>> Times have changed.
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Sadly true.
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Both left for University at 18 and returned only for vacations etc.
Son went to Uni in Liverpool, met a Scouse girl and has been there for nearly nine years.
Daughter was at Uni in Sheffield and followed her long term b/f, now husband, to Devonport. He then went to work for Lairds at Birkenhead ant they, and my grandson, are settled in NE Wales.
She and her brother are about 40mins from each other depending on Mersey Crossing traffic.
We're up and down the 2-3 hour journey up there quite often.
Otherwise there's non stop daily WhattsApp.
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The world has moved on from the days when families stayed local. Two children now in their 30s one living 3 hours away, the other 1.5 hours. Both married and with professional careers.
If you are fortunate you both have a house with room to stay a few days as a long journey there and back in a day can be tiring. Premier Inn etc is an alternative - done both.
As a parent we try to raise kids to be independent, decent, responsible, free to pursue that which motivates them. Be a support, not a barrier in enabling them to achieve that which they want.
It is also a signal that your life is moving on - children are no longer a constraint. You may have spent 30 years or more working to provide security for yourself and family - now is time to take advantage of the now emerging freedoms.
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Daughter 1 went to Uni in Nottingham and stayed. Now with her husband of 9 years, she's 2 hours away in West Bridgford and about to turn 40.
Son 1 went to Uni in Stoke on Trent, decided it wasn't for him and is now an hour away in Wakefield. He and his wife have managed their home renovation buying and selling so well that he only works a 3-day week, she works a 2-day week and they're mortgage free. More jam than Hartleys!
Daughter 2 went to Uni in Leeds, took a year out to do a grand Asian tour and is now settled with husband and 9-month-old son in Wilmslow, 2 hours away.
Son 2 went to Uni in Middlesbrough and, still single, is an hour away in Newcastle upon Tyne. He still turns up every few weeks because many of his friends live near to us and he claims his bedroom back to crash in, and his work head office is barely 2 miles away.
Mrs H and I are hugely cheered that they are, a) all still speaking to their parents (on WhatsApp and Signal anyway), and b) the siblings and in-laws all seem to get along and arrange socials among themselves. If I have my way, there'll be a family get-together later this year for my 70th during which I expect to get my behind thoroughly kicked (for the umpteeenth time) at karting. I think the distances help.
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We're still waiting for Mrs C's sister to leave the parental home. She's 57.
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>> We're still waiting for Mrs C's sister to leave the parental home. She's 57.
She's now a fixture and fitting, going nowhere.
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Yes. Which means by default she's become carer for her 87 year old mum, poor girl.
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My 90 year-old sister still has a daughter at home. She does care for her ole mum, but she's not the sole carer.
She's orf to Van Diemen's land next week to spend some of her crypto!
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>> We're still waiting for Mrs C's sister to leave the parental home. She's 57.
The Boomerang thing where offspring return home in their twenties after Uni or later after relationships fail is common. Not that new either, at least one of my contemporaries form the eighties ended up back with her Mother after the nice guy she'd settled with turned nasty.
Quite common in my work as a Benefits Adviser to be exploring household circumstances of people in late working age to find there's one, usually a son, still at home.
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My eldest brother is still in the family home at 62 and with both parents 6' under!
I honestly have no clue where our kids will end up - 2 still at uni, one doing his As this summer. Eldest fancies going into finance, so likely London based which would be handy for us in Surrey. Our daughter flirted with the idea of going to uni in USA and I was genuinely worried that if she did, she would stay there.
Being selfish, it would be nice if at least one kid is on-hand when my wife and I get into our dotage, based on personal experience of how parents and parents-in-law can decline and need local help/support.
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Happy and sad - bathtub tom
