One studied hard to get to Uni and is now a junior doctor, has had to work for everything. Looks after everything, things put away safely after use and belongings cared for.
The over, naturally gifted and can do his maths degree almost in his sleep, problem is he doesn't even bother with that, just writing the answers rather than the workings for papers. Doesn't care for anything, not even things he borrows.
I'm just ranting really. Annoyed as he has just stepped on the Amazon tablet I purchased for him last and broken the screen. It hasn't even come off the credit card yet! He could have put it on his bedside table but the floor was easier. This is the second screen he has broken, the last one was on his laptop and one of numerous other things.
I suppose i should be happy that it wasn't an iPad he trod on!
I blame his mum for spoiling him! ;-)
Grrrrrr!
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>> I blame his mum
Do let me know how that works out for you.
I was lazy at school and careless of people. I wish I could tell you how it got knocked out of me.
I have a different difference in my two;
One shares her feelings. I always know how life is going for her, how she is feeling, if there is anything to be concerned or worried about etc. etc.
The other one not so much. You get *fine" and/or "ok" and that's about as share-y as she gets.
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>> One shares her feelings. I always know how life is going for her, how she
>> is feeling, if there is anything to be concerned or worried about etc. etc.
>>
>> The other one not so much. You get *fine" and/or "ok" and that's about as
>> share-y as she gets.
>>
Same here. One happy to share every detail and the other gives a Neanderthal grunt
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Be careful of the grunt.
Elder boy is reasonably open with his feelings although it tends to be during a rant. Still acting like a teenager despite being 21 and needs to become more mature. But you know where his mind is.
Younger boy is more mature but very self-contained and rarely has a conversation unless its about something he is really interested in. Turns out he has had suicidal thoughts for almost two years. Only discovered in the last 6 months and now receiving treatment. Not NHS (system far too full for people who need it) so having to pay for private shrink and psychologist. At least it is starting to work.
It's been stressful and very worrying. So check that your grunter is happy!
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I would be very interested to understand how you found out. My email is in my profile if you prefer.
Last edited by: No FM2R on Wed 3 Jul 19 at 15:36
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He was on an organised gap year programme and he made comments about wanting to take his life to the other participants which resulted in the leaders contacting us. He has self-harmed in a moderate way but still noticeable and he has mood swings whereby one day he can feel very good and be enjoying himself and the next day he can feel very low and on a scale of 0-10, be at a level 8 or so.
He was a dedicate A-level student but sometimes extreme so that he would study very late at night. Otherwise though he has lots of friends and two or three sensible hobbies (karate, guitar, Man City), which seemed to hide his feelings.
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Very sorry to hear about that. It does seem that young men in particular are especially vulnerable to those feelings. I don't profess to understand the psychology of it all, but I can't help thinking that the modern world places such high expectations on them.
In a culture that places so much emphasis on materialism and success, it must make some feel pretty low even if their circumstances should lead them to feel quite secure.
I'm fairly sure that social media has had a negative effect, some of the rubbish and vitriol that people are prepared to type far exceeds their 'bravery' in person, and a young mind can take that stuff a bit too seriously and attach way too much importance to its validity.
He will, with your support, come through it I'm certain.
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Thank you. We are trying our best. Today is not a great day but life goes on and we try new medication and keep him safe.
Thankfully this is not a social media issue but more physiological so he hopefully will grow out of it with medical and psychological assistance. Just hope he/we manage to get through it before it gets too much for him.
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I've been through a close relative who went into 'self destruct' mode through drug use. So called 'soft' (cannabis) lead to other stuff (we believe). Thought they'd weened off the stuff, but the obvious smell when they return after a night out with their 'friends' gives the game away.
Could that be the case in this instance, the smell's very distinctive?
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So hard when you find out there's a whole bunch of negative stuff going on in your child's mind that you didn't know about.
Feelings of guilt that you should have known, feelings of helplessness that you can't just fix it, and a deep fear of the future.
My very, very best for your future, and for his.
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I know life is very different for young adults now. Social media, exam expectations, costs of student loans, affordable housing, pressure to look good etc all weigh heavily on them.
Life was hard in different ways when we were younger, but we had large social groups, went out, had fun and to be honest, the pressure to conform wasn't there to the same extent as it seems to be now.
I was partly annoyed when commenting on youngest's clumsiness, relieved it was a £60 Amazon tablet and not a £300 Apple one!
He has had his troubles too. I think there is some pressure from the fact that his sister is doing so well. We don't compare them.
He also had difficulties and also had to go down the private medicine route at great cost as it wasn't covered by insurance and yes, the local services are inundated, so I totally sympathise with your situation and wish you all well.
One thing we found was that even different brands of the same category of medicines had different effects and with the help of the doctor, went through several to find the one that worked best.
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My son was regularly a bit low a couple of years ago, but he seems to have got himself back on track. Busy lad, working hard and doing well at uni, lead singer and songwriter in a band that's doing well and keeps himself fit etc. so I think that all helps.
But in truth, I think we all question ourselves occasionally, it's part of being human I suppose. I still don't know what to say when people ask what I want to be when I grow up if I'm being truthful !
I've often said to him that I don't care what he direction he takes in life as long as he's happy and it's not illegal, there's too much store set on conventional measures of success sometimes. We are blessed if we get our three score and ten, or hopefully a bit more nowadays, without too much trouble, and that isn't long really. I've tried to impress upon him that it's not how much he makes or owns that'll make him happy, but how much he enjoys his life and how hard he tries to put himself in a position to do so.
Not that some happiness doesn't need funding of course, but the real stuff often doesn't need to be bought.
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>>it's not how much he makes or owns that'll make him happy, but how much he enjoys his life and how hard he tries to put himself in a position to do so.
I entirely agree.
Though you're a very special 60 yr old if you can convince a 20 yr old of any particular life philosophy.
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Daughter was knackered from a long shift at the hospital (the consultants are on strike) and took a walk along the cliffs opposite her flat to clear her head.
A little further along, a group of people were struggling with a young man. She didn't think it was a fight, because it was a mixed group.
She went up to see what was going on and it seems the group were holding him back from jumping!
She and an older gent sat with him.
Police and ambulance duly called and the young man was taken to hospital in the police car, not the ambulance.
Apparently the police were excellent and very caring with the younger of the two officers recognising daughter from A&E.
We don't know what goes on in other peoples minds and what they are going through.
Last edited by: zippy on Mon 8 Jul 19 at 13:19
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Brief update on my son who has not taken any drugs other than possibly no more than two joints (and I suspect a few puffs rather than anything more).
He tried again to self-hard last week but on discussion with mental health nurses who have visited (and been marvellous) they would rather he did that than try to commit suicide. A strange view but logical under the circumstances; in other words fight the right battle at the right time...
A change of medication has also happened. Not certain of the effect yet, but he seems a little more normal at the moment, but this will be a long term project.
The stress levels peak and trough with rapidity and depth, which in itself is stressful...
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I'm sure I'm not alone in not really knowing what to say that could help or comfort, but however clumsy this must sound, I'm also sure that I'm not alone in wishing you and your family the best for his recovery.
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>> I'm sure I'm not alone in not really knowing what to say that could help
>> or comfort, but however clumsy this must sound, I'm also sure that I'm not alone
>> in wishing you and your family the best for his recovery.
>>
+1
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>> >> I'm sure I'm not alone in not really knowing what to say that could
>> help
>> >> or comfort, but however clumsy this must sound, I'm also sure that I'm not
>> alone
>> >> in wishing you and your family the best for his recovery.
>> >>
>>
>> +1
And another +1.
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For what it's worth I have a very small idea of what you are going through and I can only imagine how hard it is with so much at stake.
I wish you enough strength for the both of you.
All the best to you all,
Mark.
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Likewise all the best to all of you.
Two years ago one of my daughters (twins) went of to Leipzig as part of her Leeds Uni languages studies. She was doing a year split between Germany and France.
She had intimated a few times during her previous term that she was not really happy with the course and we had some tears before going back after weekends at home. We encouraged her, if nothing else, to try and get to the end of the academic year then look at her options. Even if it meant some time out she could easily restart the course. She seemed receptive to this.
A few issues whilst in Leipzig:
Being isolated by the accommodation provided with a poor network of English students.
Her medication prescribed for her Crohns froze in her faulty fridge rendering it useless. Enough for three months. This necessitated flying her home and back to see her consultant for a resupply. Fortunately covered by the Universities insurance and the NHS.
A poor mark in one particular piece of work whilst at Leeds and the perception that some further outstanding work would also fail to achieve.
Then throw in some relationship issues at home or maybe not.
Late one evening we received a telephone call from a very distressed daughter. My wife had to get a flight a couple of days later, vacate her accommodation and bring her home.
End result was a meeting with the relevant people at the Uni and she put her course on hold but subsequently decided not to continue. The outstanding work in the meantime had been marked and achieved good marks. If this had been done earlier it may have re-instilled some confidence.
Apart from the tears we never appreciated how bad things were for her. I also spotted signs of light self harm to her wrists. She must have been in a really bad place. She did have some counseling sessions.
Anyway shes now doing a degree in primary school teaching and enjoying as well as achieving.
Last edited by: Fullchat on Tue 9 Jul 19 at 00:58
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>> Brief update on my son who has not taken any drugs other than possibly no
>> more than two joints (and I suspect a few puffs rather than anything more).
Didn't a prominent politician claim that?
How do you tell when a teenager's lying? Their lips are moving.
Been there, done that, a couple of times.
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Not saying you are wrong, but in this case the causes are not drugs.
Fullchat, my older son has just completed his second year with a sound result and a great exam mark. However he was nervous because a stupid lecturer gave half the class a percentage when it should have been a score out of a number. So he got 17% but it should have been 17/21.
The lecturer then went off sick and it took the university six months to 'moderate' the year's results so that he passed the year rather than failing it. The university did nothing to correct a clear and obvious error (VAR!) when it had the chance in January causing a few students a lot of stress.
People do not take responsibility these days.
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Two Kids, both so different! Rant - No FM2R
