Hello folks,
Myself and the lovely Mrs B are contemplating becoming foster parents, or maybe even adopting.
Is there anybody on here who has experience of either who would be willing to share their thoughts?
Thanks in advance :-)
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My SiL was a long term fosterer and ended up adopting one of her charges, a four year old girl who is now 13. They found it largely rewarding, but it wasn't without it's problems as most of the children obviously come from abusive backgrounds of one sort or another. In one instance a girl trashed her bedroom quite badly, and another made unfounded allegations against my BiL which were almost immediately disproved, and it turned out this was a regular habit of the girl whenever she was fostered, but it was still a fraught period to go through. They had the odd absconder who would disappear through a window in the middle of the night and end up returned by the police within a day or two.
Friends of ours adopted two boys and shortly after they took the second the husband died, leaving his wife to cope with the two on her own. The eldest is now 16 and has walked out of home after a caralogue of physical and verbal violence, much of it drug related. There is a potential downside as I'm sure you realise, but in the case of my SiL most of the time it worked out ok and many of the children who moved on still keep in touch with them and regard them as extended family. It's a wothwhile thing to do and I think you are well compensated financially as well as getting the satisfaction of doing your bit as it were, but a solid commitment and very hard work.
Be prepared for babies to be brought to you by social services desperate to find somewhere at a few hours notice where they have been rescued from abusive homes, though this was the bit SiL found the most rewarding aspect of the job.
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good post RR and seems to cover everything but one thing
theft from your house and or other peoples so be prepared for some very bad apples too as well as lovely caring examples
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...theft from your house...
Yes, could be bringing trouble to your door.
The lad - or lass - might be OK, but it's the mates you have to worry about.
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I have a 20 year old boy going cheap?
(well initial purchase is cheap, but running costs are enormous)
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My parents used to foster when I was a nipper. We always had teens who were being prepared for the outside world after long periods of being in institutions. I dont remember any horror stories and as an only child enjoyed having an older "sibbling" to look up to. They usually stayed with us for 18 months or so, and were on the whole well balanced individuals who had just been delt some blows in life.
My Aunt and Uncle also decided to Foster at the same time - a lovely little boy who was about 8 months old. He was placed with them as he was being physicaly abused - I cant imagine who on earth could bring themselves to stub cigarettes out on a baby. Anyway, he was their first and last as they fell in love with him, and after several years managed to legaly adopt him. 29 years later he has turned into a fine young man, and a father himself.
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Thanks for your input folks, very useful. And thanks for the offer, Zero, but I'll pass:-)
We're thinking of only taking babies and youngsters up to the age of five, precisely because we want to avoid some of the pitfalls some of you have mentioned.
We've given up with the local authority though - they never return phone calls and you have to ring every day for four or five days before you speak to the person you're trying to contact. If they can't run an office efficiently, how do they manage to place vulnerable children? We've got someone from a private agency coming round on Thursday morning so I guess we'll know a lot more then.
Cheers again.
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Good on you BADWOLF, what experience have you of kids ??
MY cousins best friend, now 40, got married at 18, everyone said her husband of 26 and her wouldn't last - by the time she was 26 they'd had 4 kids - and in the last 14 years fostered 4 kids from one family, then another 3 - and adopted the first 4 - all on long term, and a few short term emegency cases - they have little to no money and certainly no time - but I saw them 2 years ago - all beatifully behaved and play sports and music at high levels - and bought up in a strong Christian household.
Another friend fostered then adopted 2 abused kids in Staffs -10 years later both are flourishing - so go for it
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Friend's of my wife adopted a girl 40 yrs ago and a boy about 35 yrs ago. They wanted for nothing having wealth and generous parents and grandparents (both sides), the upbringing was not indulged/spoiled kids but in a warm home environment.
The girl rebelled at 16+ and disppeared only to re-appear (several times) dependent on alcohol, drugs and lots of other social issues. She has since departed leaving the 70+ aged grandparents bringing up 2 teenage boys (one impaired by drugs/alcohol) so instead of a leisurely retirement in the Highlands they are bound to live near hospitals / special school etc.
The boy, now 35, was OK other than the normal traumas of teenagers etc.
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>> Good on you BADWOLF, what experience have you of kids ??
I have two (12 and 9) from my first marriage and Mrs B has two (25 and 22) from hers so we're no strangers to it! :-)
I have to confess that Mrs B is keener than I am, especially on adoption. She feels desperately unfulfilled at work and needs a new challenge. Twelve hour days driving on one of the busiest bus routes in Liverpool is all the challenge need right now! :-)
That's not to say that I don't want to foster or adopt, but let's just say that I need more convincing than my beloved does...
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Not wishing to pry, but I'm sure a few on here are wondering why, as a newly-married couple, you don't want to grow your own.
I now see Mrs B has a 25-year-old, so perhaps she's getting on a bit for childbirth.
Not that I know nothing about having babies.
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Only a Notherner would ask that........:)
Pat
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>> Not wishing to pry, but I'm sure a few on here are wondering why, as
>> a newly-married couple, you don't want to grow your own.
You're not prying Iffy, it's a fair question. We did want to 'grow our own' (love your turn of phrase there!) but due to Mrs B being sterilised - how I hate that word - years ago, IVF was the only option. We went through a cycle of treatment at the start of the year but unfortunately it didn't work.
>> I now see Mrs B has a 25-year-old, so perhaps she's getting on a bit
>> for childbirth.
See above! She was quite prepared to go through the horrors of childbirth once again. Women truly are a marvel - if men had to give birth then we'd have evolved a zipper...
>> Not that I know nothing about having babies.
I believe that it smarts a tad - makes womens' eyes water by all accounts.
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>> I believe that it smarts a tad - makes womens' eyes water by all accounts.
>>
Makes yer bank account 'Smart' believe me.
Best of luck whatever you both decide to do.
Regards...................MD
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"She feels desperately unfulfilled at work and needs a new challenge."
Buy her a Rubik's Cube.
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Fostering/adoption - Robin O'Reliant
