That's all really, just before Christmas, we have just found out as family are abroad. Feel knocked for six as it was out of the blue!
Especially made an impression on my children, especially on my eldest; encouraged her to get the most out of life, to aim as high she wants and to enjoy being challenged and to challenge others.
Made a real impression on us all and will be sorely missed.
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Some people you do miss zippy.
In our previous house we had a good neighbour/friend big Charly.
He was about six feet five a gentle giant.He collapsed a few times due to brain problems and I had to kick his door in once to help him out.
We where good mates and I still miss him.
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I thought I'd put an update to this over the w/e but maybe not.
I went to four funerals in 2016, three of which were for reasonably close friends, all of whom were around my age (61), and none of those three deaths was "expected". Two were considerably fitter than me.
Not only did it remind me and my bunch to keep enjoying life while you can, but also to keep up with your old mates as you never know when might be the last time you see them. That is such a sad thought as suddenly someone who you've chatted and shared a joke with over a beer, isn't there any more, and that's a very strange feeling.
My sympathies Zippy.
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My sympathies too Zippy, and one of the reasons we've decided to stop buying 'stuff' we don't need and start making memories together.
Pat
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As you get older of course you become increasingly aware of your mortality and the tenuous grip you have on life. When I was younger I doubt that I thought about death from one years end to another. Now death seems a constant companion as friends and relative die.
But what can you do? Just carry on until its your turn I guess. Try and do a bit of good before I go but sometimes even that can be difficult.
You are right about stuff. When I had not much money I use to think it would be wonderful to be able to buy what I want. Now although not rich, I can reasonably afford most stuff but I'm not really interested. Prefer travelling, and things like eating out with friends and going to the cinema and theatre but even then my preferences are fairly modest.
You do wonder what the point of it is at times but of course there is no point. No point at all.
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In some ways Worse than someone passing is someone who is terminally ill and fading slowly.
2 people I worked with - the Director who has dementia & his right hand man who currently gravely ill, cannot speak & recognises nobody.
The Director has a 1st in Maths & 2 x MScs - he did the 2nd MSc in computing, just to show he could @ 50 yrs old. Now he needs help in even modest daily tasks.
His assistant finished building a new home on his small holding 2 years ago - he built it almost entirely on his own only employing electricians & gas fitters. He then contracted an infection that has literally taken a fit man in his mid 60s & in a matter months he was bed bound & is now completely dependent on others 24 hours per day.
Passing would be a blessing for both of them.
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My 98yo aunt in the nursing home has been a hypocondriac all her life. No children of her own, yet always expected me to run around after her, no matter the hours I worked or the distance away. This might sound uncharitable but it will be a relief when she croaks as I shall no longer have to take my old mum to visit her every week. And getting her into my car, into a wheelchair at the other end, pushing her round Asda for an hour whilst she buys two items, is a real chore these days. I'm too soft to say no!
Unlike my sorely missed terrier, I won't grieve when she passes. I've done far more than my fair share. And she still refuses to sign a DNR form despite very little life quality these past few months.
I'm away to Moraira with friends for a month soon, and it's nice that a friend, my age, who increasingly suffers from dementia, is visiting to stay. Glad you can't see the future.
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Life can be cruel can't it. A close friend of mind died last year. I had known him for forty years or so. One week after he retired he had a fit and a brain tumour was diagnosed. An operation to remove the tumour was a failure and left him in a vegetative state. It was six months before he died. His wife, a close friend too, against all advice thought he might recover so it was a very difficult time. I visited him a number of times in hospital and when he was transferred home with live-in carers.
She was greatly supported throughout the ordeal by her daughter. This summer her husband was killed in a road accident.
I'm pretty sure there is no benevolent God.
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>>You do wonder what the point of it is at times but of course there is no point. No point at all.
Maybe you need a reality check CG: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbWWT3X8Ebo
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Don't know about a reality check but need a video check. All I get is "this video is not available"
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And me now strangely enough. The video is all bit mystic for me. Not really into that new age stuff.
Quite happy with the concept that when you are dead you are dead
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A very nice post, Smokie. Perhaps I could add my best wishes to Zippy.
"... [enjoy] life while you can, but also... keep up with your old mates as you never know when might be the last time you see them" is excellent advice!
As I'm a bit older than you I find funerals seem to crop up with unpleasant frequency. For example, one of the funerals I went to last year followed the sudden death of the wife of an ex-colleague; I knew both of them pretty well.
Then two evenings ago I had an e-mail regarding another ex-colleague, who, having struggled with one or two health issues, is now freshly diagnosed with a raft of problems, including a tumour in his right lung and considerable muscle wastage in his legs. I have a rather bad feeling about this one.
Not a good start to 2017.
Last edited by: Focal Point on Mon 9 Jan 17 at 22:49
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I met a lovely old chap some 20 years ago. Met him through a plumber mate and the old chap wanted me to do some work on his bungalow. Well, over the years he got me to do all sorts of repairs and renewals on the property. A really lovely fella. Never married, infectious giggle and a raft of stories to enchant. He'd worked for the Beeb as a techie when it was all valves, coal and steam. I got a call from the Plumber yesterday to say that the old chap had been in his local cottage hospital, but had been transferred to NDDH a few days ago and he was asking for me. Apparently he'd tried contacting me, but had got my number wrong. I continued working in the office for an hour or so, phoned the Mrs. To say I'd be off up to the Hosp to see him. Was just about to get in the shower when the plumber phoned back. I never went to the hospital. Truly gutted.
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Don't beat yourself up about it, MD. It is quite possible, your friend being as close to death as you say, that he might not have been aware of you even if you had arrived promptly. Of course, it is still very sad.
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Maybe we all meet up again FP ... on the ledge www.youtube.com/watch?v=avX5VlU7MXM
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"Maybe we all meet up again..."
Joking apart, I do not believe so. Which makes it even more imperative to try to get things right in this life, given that I don't believe in any other.
I should add that I have nothing against those who do believe, as long as they don't try to push their ideas down my throat.
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I've been a 'believer' since my dad died when I was 9 years young, due to an 'experience' we all had in the week following his sudden death (cerebral hemorrhage) at the grand old age of 54.
I've had other 'experiences' too at various times over the years, which makes me believe that something of us survives bodily death.
I know this is in the Wail but, this comment rings true ... to me:
"It is your privilege whether you believe or you do not believe, but when a respected medium, who came to the church from 30 miles away and had absolutely no idea who I was, gave me the full name of my great-uncle's friend and rugby team mate during the 1930's who I didn't even know, and repeated back to me part of a conversation I'd had with my husband the previous afternoon while we were alone in our house. No rip off. No charge. There are mediums and there are mediums. Good ones are few and far between"
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4103390/Psychics-warned-cheating-husband-let-talk-dead-sister-says-Anthea-Turner.html
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I am sure there are lots of things that we don't understand.
Perhaps living in the modern world has dulled some of the senses that we should have?
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>>Perhaps living in the modern world has dulled some of the senses that we should have?
Some folk are born with them - like the accountant I had in Bexhill in the 90's when we lived up that way.
He didn't believe in anyone making money from the gift? though.
He described to me once how he could 'pick up' on peoples past lives on entering a building, as if the building retained a memory somehow, akin to magnetic recording tape. Funny ole life :)
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>>Bexhill in the 90's
And it probably hasn't changed much since! I was at the De La Warr for a coffee with some friends at the weekend!
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>> >>Bexhill in the 90's
>>
>> And it probably hasn't changed much since! ...
... except that they got rid of some of the original (elegant) promenade shelters and replaced them with these open air sheds, which no one wants to sit in because they're so draughty and uncomfortable:
millimetre.uk.net/our-work/bexhill-shelters/
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I think they look stunning. A really nice piece of design.
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Yes, they do look stunning, but it's rare to find anyone sitting in them. The seats have no backrests and Bexhill can be very windy.
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>>Bexhill can be very windy
We lived in Bexhill, or Bexelei as it was originally called, back in the '93/94 .. I'm sure I read somewhere that Bexhill actually means windy hill.
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I was there because my folks are still there and I was visiting them. They loathe the new shelters and other improvements made along the prom, but then they are of an age where they moan at every change!
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>> they got rid of some of the original (elegant) promenade shelters and replaced them with these open air sheds, which no one wants to sit in because they're so draughty and uncomfortable: millimetre.uk.net/our-work/bexhill-shelters/
Absolutely criminal IMHO!
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The new shelters tend to be to the west of the DLWP. The old ones (fantastic "Victoriana") tend to be to the east of the sailing club.
I do like the old ones. A real reminder of my misspent youth.
There is more space on the prom to the east. I wonder if that is why the old ones survive there?
The new ones look like they are one hell of a lot less expensive compared to the old ones. I wonder if that is why they were selected?
Last edited by: zippy on Tue 10 Jan 17 at 21:39
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One of the original shelters, which remain, is shown here:
www.keanetrail.org.uk/shelter-with-red-roof/
The new ones feature in Keane's video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bH13eUiDhmo
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>> I am sure there are lots of things that we don't understand.
>>
>> Perhaps living in the modern world has dulled some of the senses that we should
>> have?
I feel sure that is so. I don't subscribe to the supernatural, bur some of the 'lost powers' might have seemed that way to us now.
Science sometimes catches up.
A well known adage "sleep on it" is one I have found very useful. Many times I have wrestled with a problem that seems to have no satisfactory solution. If I think about it when I go to bed, more often that not I will wake up with a different way of looking at it that leads me to a course of action I hadn't thought of. Especially when it's to do with people, and why they act the way they do.
I don't think science has the explanation yet, but the evidence strongly suggests that it works.
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>> I don't think science has the explanation yet, but the evidence strongly suggests that it works.
I take it to be the subconsicous mind at work. I've used it for years when working on problem solving tasks. If I get stuck with one, I stop and do something else for a while. On a simple level, it works for me with crossword puzzles.
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If I have to write something at times, especially when senior managers are the audience, I often go away from my desk/office and do something else whilst half thinking of it. Often I'll come back with a better idea of how to present information.
Likewise when trying to think of a way to solve a problem or design a solution for something (IT solution that is) when new ways of approaching a problem are needed.
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>> I've been a 'believer'
>>
Very good for you, believe me. Don't give up on it.
It works wonders, real wonders that no one can explain - for some people.
Does nothing for those who don't believe.
I am in the latter group.
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>> >> I've been a 'believer'
>>
Monkees hit wasn't it? :-)
Last edited by: CGNorwich on Tue 10 Jan 17 at 18:06
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Blue baggy jeans with tartan turnups:)
Pat
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>> "Maybe we all meet up again..."
>>
>> Joking apart, I do not believe so. Which makes it even more imperative to try
>> to get things right in this life, given that I don't believe in any other.
>>
I always impress on my son that, as people get older, you need to treat each time you see them it might be the last time. And to make the effort to visit them.
There was a wonderful old boy living here in Austria near us. He had been in films, either acting or as a production director, all his life. He had a wonderful fund of stories, of which the most memorable concerned his good friends Judi Dench and Maggie Smith when they were younger. Although he was in his mid 90s, he had all his marbles. Over the last year he became physically weak. We last saw him in early December last year, when it was clear that, at 97, we was fading away slowly. We had intended to visit him in the week before christmas, but as we were very busy due to an impending visit to family in the UK we couldn't manage it. Sadly, we heard that he had passed away on the day we left. I bitterly regret not finding the time to see him one last time.
Last edited by: Mike H on Wed 11 Jan 17 at 10:33
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Happened to me also M.D.When we moved I heard that Charly was in a home for the eldery.
I arrived at the home to see him.Caretaker told me he died the previous day.I was gutted he should have waited for me.
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Time and time again Dutchie I've said to the Missus that I must go and see/catch up with so and so and somehow rarely find the time. The next thing is the 'phone, call or worse, no 'phone call and then you have to live with that. We are all too busy these days, but for what I am unsure.
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I think when we are older it becomes more difficult.
I used to go see so many different family members and old friends when visiting Holland.
I stopped it, I was forever travelling everywhere and not having a break.I miss work sometimes but when I have a sleep in or no phone calls to be somewhere this way of live suits me fine.
Dog, there are so many mysteries about things we don't understand it makes life interesting.
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Friends Passing - Dutchie
