| Non-motoring > NOAH | Miscellaneous |
| Thread Author: Armel Coussine | Replies: 1 |
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New Fri 5 Jun 15 17:25
NOAH - Armel Coussine
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Someone sent me this. So-so I thought, but some may like it. >> >> >> >> NOAH TODAY >> >> In the year 2014, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Somerset and said:"Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." >> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." >> "I needed a Building Permit." >> >> "I've been arguing with the Boat Inspectorabout the need for a sprinkler system." >> >> "My neighbours claim that I've violated theNeighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision." >> "Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it." >> >> "Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!" >> "When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space." >> >> "Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood." >> >> "I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew." >> >> "Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work." >> >> "The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience." >> >> "To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species." >> >> "So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark." >> >> "Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky." >> >> >> >> Noah looked up in wonder and asked,"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" >> "No," said the Lord." The Government beat me to it." >> >> May I please have an AMEN |
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New Sat 6 Jun 15 10:14
NOAH - Mike Hannon
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Time to resurrect the 'terrible old jokes' thread. How did he end up in Somerset? I know that (from time to time) they have a practice for the Great Flood... It's a shame you still can't post pix directly on this site (Flickr, like many other things, doesn't work for me any more because I don't care enough to replace my 12-year-old computer) - I have a business card here from many years ago, from a Mr F E Noah, who worked for British Shipbuilders. Honestly. |
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