www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-31032930
Corby Earthquake appeal
Britain woke this morning to the devastating news that the East Midlands has been hit by a major earthquake measuring 8.9 on the Richter scale. The epicenter of the earthquake was in Corby.
.*******
Many locals were to be seen walking around in a state of shock haven been woken from their beds well before their Giro arrived. KCBC reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Corby. One resident, Tracy Sharon Skobie, a 15 years old mother of seven said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Madonna came running to my bedroom crying and begging for a cigarette. It took two hours and a Bacardi Breezer to calm her. My youngest two, Tyler Morgan and Britney Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching "Trisha" the next morning."
Looting, theft and other crimes are reported to be widespread and has led Police spokesman Superintendent Wilson to state his admiration of Corby citizens for their resilience to “carry on as normal in the face of disasterâ€. The British Red Cross reacted with speed and has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Irn Bru, 7,000 Fish Suppers, 2,000 Scotch Pies and vast amounts of Mushy Peas to the area to help the stricken locals. Residents were seen to be helping neighbours by sharing crisps and salted peanuts with each other. Locals and rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewelry from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from Poundland.
An appeal has been launched to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Replacement clothing is most sought after, items needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps. Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers). Shell suits (female). White sports socks. Rockport boots. Old Firm football tops. Adidas sportswear (any)
Essential food is scarce and a request has been issued for local products including, microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt45 or Special Brew.
Financial help is required and a fund has been set up and any donations would be most welcome. The fund organizers Billy McPherson and Ian MacDonald were quick to point out that;
22 pence would buy a biro for filling in compensation forms,
£2.00 would buy Fish Suppers and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine.
£5.00 will pay for a packet of Benson & Hedges and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
The fundraisers were at pains to explain that most of the donations would go straight to the victims after a suitable administration fee. They also stated that cheap cannabis is urgently required as this years harvest has been completely destroyed.
The Corby and District Red Cross have requested that no tents should be donated as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population in neighbouring areas
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Hmm seems the swear filter chopped out a bit up front
Corby Earthquake appeal
Britain woke this morning to the devastating news that the East Midlands has been hit by a major earthquake measuring 8.9 on the Richter scale. The epicenter of the earthquake was in Corby.
Many lives are reported lost and damage is extensive. The first rescue workers to enter Corby report that they were met with a scene of horror and devastation. It was only at first light that the rescue team realized that they had yet to enter the areas of Corby that had been hit by the earthquake and were in actual fact viewing the undamaged town centre. The main areas affected by the earthquake were all outlying housing estates. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "yakinbasa" and "Can ye lend me a fiver". The earthquake decimated several housing estates and is reported to have caused almost £30 worth of damage. The art world was dismayed to learn that several priceless collections of mementos from Scotland and Ingoldmells were damaged beyond repair. Access to the area was blocked by countless burnt out cars; however local government officers were quick to point out that the earthquake had caused little or no damage to this local attraction.
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Cruel but magnificent Z, spent 2 years up there on weekdays working at client, it really was & for all I know still is, the southernmost Glasgow housing scheme.
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Looks like a rehash of the 'earthquake in Birmingham' joke that did the rounds c2002 when the earth moved for Brum.
Mind you. like the feeding AIDS patients jokes being recycled for Ebola it's worth it.
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Humour is finite, so it needs to be adaptive.
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Most of all it needs to be funny.
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"Most of all it needs to be funny."
True, though I'm surprised it has not aroused the attention of the racist-sniffers.
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Unfortunately because the victims of the 'quake speak a form of Pidgin English, they say "Can I lend a fiver", which peculiarity of dialect cause the meaning of the request to be completely reversed.
>> Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "yakinbasa" and "Can ye lend
>> me a fiver".
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I cut and pasted Zero's contribution onto an Oakham website. A few people though it was true and wondered why it hadn't been on TV and newspapers, it was accepted as a factual report FFS!
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>> I cut and pasted Zero's contribution onto an Oakham website. A few people though it
>> was true and wondered why it hadn't been on TV and newspapers, it was accepted
>> as a factual report FFS!
Just think what they would make of it in Norfolk!
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It has now been deleted, due to complaints from humourless losers. Several people liked it but the killjoys won the day! Luckily,I have my own town website so I posted it there and round objects to them. people in Rutland seem a bit soft-centred to me!
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>>Just think what they would make of it in Norfolk!
The response would be "Cor, blust!"
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The more amusing bit for locals is that most people didnt notice the alleged earthquake.
The only notable thing ive seen in Corby is that they save on carrier bags by stuffing things under their coats and making frequent trips back to the car.
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It surely must be racist, these PC days, to refer to anyone by their nationality, or other geographically defined criterion?
Just look at the obloquy heaped on Andy Murray's fiancée when she cursed his opponent as a "Czech **** "
;-)
Last edited by: Roger. on Sun 1 Feb 15 at 10:15
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I think it was the ******* that caused offence.
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Earth Quake - East Midlands. - Zero
