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I recall a possibly apocryphal story of a man having sex with a cow. The cow, apparently losing interest, wandered off. The man was effectively disembowelled, starting with, well I'll leave it to your imagination!
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It's a curious human taboo. Obviously the animals couldn't care less, but instead of being honest and just saying that other humans, genenerally, find it offensive, the law pretends that the animals possess a sense of "respect".
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>> Obviously the animals couldn't care less,
How do you know?
As a kid on a relative's farm, I learnt the cows never seemed pleased at the vet shoving his hand or an implement 'per rectum', so why would they acquiesce to a man's didgeridoo?
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Old reporters in the Westcountry used to tell me about the relative frequency of bestiality cases in rural magistrates courts, usually involving sheep or cows.
The miscreant was usually fined while, invariably, a destruction order was made for the unfortunate animal.
Justice?
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Perhaps not, but imagine the conversation between waitress and customer some months later.
Diner: I'll have the rump steak, please.
Waitress: Good choice sir. Bluebell was always a favourite at Ruttingham Farm. The stockman gave her special attention; reared her himself, he says. Now, how would you like that done?
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In Germany it's still perfectly legal to perform these act's on farm yard animals.
some weird law dating back to the 16th century says farmers (and only farmers) cannot be prosecuted for it.
weird weird world we live in.
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>> farmers (and only farmers) cannot
>> be prosecuted for it.
It's all about respect, we are told.
Farmers, they respect their animals, see?
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A story from rural Norfolk. Daisy the cow was due for artificial insemination. Neither she nor her owner knew what was involved but the vet had told the farmer to have ready soap, a towel and a bucket of hot water. On the day, the vet arrived and the farmer said, "I done what you wanted. Here's the soap, towel and water - and this here's a hook you can hang your trousers on."
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Reminds me of the conversation in Carry On Camping.
"What's a nice girl like you doing with an old cow?"
"I'm taking her to the bull"
"Couldn't your father do that?"
"No, it has to be the bull!!"
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Another old one:
Patient: I've fallen in love with a sheep.
Shrink: Male or female, ram or ewe?
Patient: Male! How dare you! Good God man, do you think I'm some sort of pervert?
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Wed 30 Jul 14 at 14:41
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Incidentally, I do find the RCVS disciplinary committee's statement utterly hilarious.
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>>Incidentally, I do find the RCVS disciplinary committee's statement utterly hilarious.
At least it didn't complain about the animals' human rights being infringed, but I'm sure Brussels has a position, as it were, on the offence.
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When my little sister was a member of the Young Farmers' Club years ago she was out with them one night on a farm visit, looking at a stockyard full of frisky heifers. One of them climbed on the back of another - as heifers do.
The farmer, standing next to my sister, gave her a nudge and said 'I wouldn't mind doing that'.
She said 'carry on, it's your heifer'.
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Locally a funeral director visited the GUM clinic when something was wrong down below. The clinic had to summon the law, because the infection he had could only be caught from corpses!
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>> Locally a funeral director visited the GUM clinic when something was wrong down below. The
>> clinic had to summon the law, because the infection he had could only be caught
>> from corpses!
>>
The necrophiliac's gift: tinyurl.com/lfyawcf
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Very funny madf. I bet you got hundreds of hits apart from mine. Tee hee!
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>Patient: I've fallen in love with a sheep.
>Shrink: Male or female, ram or ewe?
I have a Love Ewe - it was given to me as a joke gift when I left the US to come back here.
Well, the first one was.
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So, zookeeper. What first attracted you to your eponymous profession?
;-)
Prof Noreen Burrows. Another unfortunate moniker in the circumstances.
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You are so annoying Alanović... I had been circling round that one from the beginning of this thread without quite getting there. Tsk!
:o}
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So, zookeeper. What first attracted you to your eponymous profession?
Don't know, but in June 2012 he claimed here to have had a giraffe.
Not sure I believe him - unless someone else put him up to it.
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im not actually a zookeeper or in anyway inclined to any vetinary practice
i build caterpillars for a living , back hoe loaders..compact wheel loaders etc etc
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Naval rating in Scapa Flow court-martial for relations with a sheep:-
"I thought it was a WREN in a duffel coat"
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>> im not actually a zookeeper
>>
There's a tongue-twister there somewhere :
"I'm not actually a zookeeper, I'm only a zookeeper's son.
I'm only keeping zoos until ....
Over to you, AC, you're good at rhymes and street slang. :)
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total lack of respect - bathtub tom
