I just want to give a big thumbs-up to Macmillan Cancer Support and all the work they do.
So often in life we don't even notice organizations, carers, or charities such as these who try valiantly to make a difference. And then suddenly, when something befalls you or your family - in this case my Father - you suddenly take note of what they do, and the support they provide.
My Father was diagnosed last week; he's got weeks - rather than months - left. I don't quite know what to do.
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Sorry to hear that Nick. He may not be the only one who needs support?
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I'm very sorry to hear that.
In terms of not knowing what to do, you don't have to *do* anything. Life keeps on going until it stops.
(That said, are you in the same country?)
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My father was dead within 4 months of the initial pain that prompted the diagnosis. He was 53.
There is nothing you can do, but in the UK at least, three is plenty of support for the family if you wish to use it.
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So sorry, Nick. Just make sure you spend as much time as you need with him and make sure the things are said which need to be said. Only you know what they are.
All the best.
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Very sorry to hear that, Nick
>> I just want to give a big thumbs-up to Macmillan Cancer Support and all the
>> work they do.
>>
agreed
>>
>> My Father was diagnosed last week; he's got weeks - rather than months - left.
>> I don't quite know what to do.
Just be prepared for that timeline to change and be quite inaccurate, and be aware it can be VERY stressful.
'He's going downhill and they are taking him to the hospice because there's no point in taking him to hospital, he's not got long'
'why have you brought him here, he's ill but he's not dying - he needs to be in hospital for treatment'
not nice and still makes me quite angry, 18 months on
Last edited by: borasport on Thu 16 Jan 14 at 11:13
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I agree that it can be very stressful.....
My sister lived abroad but came with her husband to stay with us to get what she thought was a final clearance check for a previous treatment for breast cancer at the Royal Marsden - only to find the cancer had spread and was terminal.....
.....it was four months between diagnosis and her death....she never made back home abroad, stayed with us and we watched her die... I now do my utmost to raise money for cancer research charities and the Marsden in particular...
I echo the sentiments of everyone else above Nick....
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So sorry to hear your sad news. My Mother passed away at 52 due to an incompetent diagnosis and my father at 65. Two weeks prior an Uncle died and two weeks prior to that The Wife's Father (on her Birthday). It was a difficult time to say the least. You must take what comes, but it may harden you to all kinds of things or indeed it may effect you the opposite way. Whichever take care.
I sometimes give to the like of Macmillan and Marie Curie, but NOT to the big collectors. I know a man in the 'Game' and he freely states that they have so much money they can't spend the interest. All the big charities seem to have overstepped their initial remit and just keep on collecting. Once you create the Monster it needs constant feeding.
Kind regards,
MD.
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Very sorry to hear the news, nothing much anybody can do but the support is very good, hopefully it will be a peaceful ending and not too much pain.
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Yes, bad news for you Nick although worse for him. At least you have time to mend your fences with him if necessary. My mother died when I was young and busy and I neglected her shamefully. When I went to see her I didn't know what to say - it all seemed so obvious and horrible - and what I did say just puzzled her and was useless. My father died suddenly and unexpectedly which was very upsetting... but my endlessly prolonged adolescence was more or less over by then so we were on quite good terms. Even so I was sorry not to be able to say goodbye politely.
It's a painful business. My sympathy of course.
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MD I presume you refer to Imperial Cancer Research?
Page 23 gives you the profit and loss account. www.cancerresearchuk.org/sites/default/files/cancer_research_uk_annual_report_and_accounts_2013.pdf
Investment income was £2m. Expenditure on charitable activities £300m. Therefore expenditure was 150 times the amount of interest received.
I'd be really interested to know to which charity you refer where investment income is greater than the interest received. (I'd be surprised if it exists.)
Even the wretched RSPCA had a ratio of 50 times more 'charitable spending' than investment income.
Last edited by: Mapmaker on Thu 16 Jan 14 at 17:53
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Well Mapmaker. I can only add that, That's told me.
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Nick, as some may know I work for a Hospice but not on the clinical side of things. But my colleagues are nurses, doctors, homecare etc who I speak with daily.
However it wasn't until my friend's father and mother passed away within 6 months of each other, and seeing what the McMillan nurses did for them, that I really, I mean really, grasped exactly what these brilliant people do.
As with many things in life, until you need to know then these usually pass you by in everyday life.
Going back to yourself, a lot of "I don't quite know what to do" can only be answered by yourself in relation to your own circumstances, support etc. However the people at MacMillan will have a wealth of information available and I am sure will also be able to deal with more practical things as well for you - maybe a Skype meeting to keep you updated (depending on permissions etc).
As has been said by others, be wary that the timescales can go either way by quite a substantial amount. Be prepared for the fact that your father may come to terms with things before you do. That can be hugely stressful. He may suddenly start talking about practicalities of funerals etc whilst you are still coming to terms with his condition.
I don't know your family circumstances but recently when my father was admitted to hospital with pneumonia, we set up a Private Facebook Message Group with me and my 4 siblings. Initially two of us were at hospital, one in Bishop Stortford and two in USA. Every single update I got, I immediately put it on FB so that no one felt remote or not involved. This was hugely helpful, especially with the time differences. Then when all siblings came back as the news wasn't good, then it meant others could do the updating and we could share the burden for visiting, whilst keeping everyone updated. There is nothing worse, especially if you are remote, to feel that you are not being kept in the loop.
And without wanting to be too blunt, if possible make sure his Will is up to date.
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What a kind and practical post.
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>> And without wanting to be too blunt, if possible make sure his Will is up to date.
Moreover, if his estate (combined with your mother's - if she's alive and married to him) is in excess of the IHT limit, do some IHT planning.
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>> >> And without wanting to be too blunt, if possible make sure his Will is
>> up to date.
>>
>> Moreover, if his estate (combined with your mother's - if she's alive and married to
>> him) is in excess of the IHT limit, do some IHT planning.
With only a few months left, its a bit late to do any good surely. I'd like to know of any good IHT dodges you can get up and running and effective in three months.
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>> With only a few months left, its a bit late to do any good surely.
>> I'd like to know of any good IHT dodges you can get up and running
>> and effective in three months.
I thought that too. Lifetime gifts usually only adviseable where donor likely to live further seven years. No time to put more complex plans/dodges in place.
Suppose a will might be written, given sufficient funds and having ensured the security of a surviving spouse, to ensure IHT allowance was fully exploited. But as i understand it unused allowance can now be transferred and taken up on second death.
Legal advice needed though if considering such actions.
Last edited by: Bromptonaut on Fri 17 Jan 14 at 12:56
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Yes after the first death, that person's IHT is passed on to the spouse.
Last edited by: R.P. on Fri 17 Jan 14 at 13:12
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>> With only a few months left, its a bit late to do any good surely.
>> I'd like to know of any good IHT dodges you can get up and running
>> and effective in three months.
It's called death-bed planning, and can be done up until the moment of death. For instance:
1. Pay the £3000 IHT annual allowance from this tax year and last. Total saving £2,400. Also review the 'payments out of income' exemption.
2. Pay any legacies of under £300 whilst alive rather than when dead. Total saving 40% x number of legacies.
3. Pay any intended legacies to charity whilst still alive and benefit from income tax relief - rather than waiting until you're dead and only getting IHT relief. You can (and/or the charity can) get back *every* penny of income tax paid in 2012/13 and 2013/14 that way.
4. If married, the spouse who will survive should transfer all assets chargeable to CGT and standing at a gain to the spouse who will die. They will be returned in the will, having benefited from a CGT uplift and can thus be sold CGT free.
5. If you are married and your will leaves *anything* to somebody other than your spouse, then instead leave it to your spouse. The spouse then makes the gift to the beneficiary and provided the spouse survives 7 years the overall IHT benefit isn't wasted.
6. Review legal and beneficial ownership of the house.
Moral: if you are about to die, go to an accountant.
Last edited by: Mapmaker on Mon 20 Jan 14 at 10:03
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>> I don't know your family circumstances but recently when my father was admitted to hospital
>> with pneumonia, we set up a Private Facebook Message Group with me and my 4
>> siblings.
What an excellent idea.
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My apologies for coming to this late, as I was offline yesterday and out this morning until now.
In fact, there have already been some excellent posts already and I doubt I can add much. I have for some years worked in a hospice as a healthcare professional (providing complementary therapy), supporting not only patients with life-threatening conditions, but also their carers, who often carry a great burden.
Fortunately the care for cancer patients has (quite rightly) a high priority in the UK. Whoever is the primary carer (assuming this is in the UK - can't speak for anywhere else) should be able to access all kinds of support and a very good place to start is the local hospice, where there will almost certainly be a person who will be able to give extensive information on every aspect of the patient's situation. In "my" hospice this is a drop-in service, with advice available on financial support and every aspect of the patient's situation.
We also offer a day centre for patients who are still relatively mobile, a clinic service for patients who are fully mobile, a "hospice-at-home" service, and, as I said, support for carers and patients which includes one-to-one counselling.
One of the issues that patients and carers often keep coming back to is coping with the unknown and contact such as described above can help with that. As has been said, the course of a terminal condition is impossible to predict accurately and every patient is an individual.
I tactfully suggest that, in the case of Nick's father, there might be some discussion about where he wants to die. If this it at home, as is many people's choice, arrangements will need to be put in place.
My very best wishes at this difficult time.
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Coincidentally.
The 'clicky' interviews are rather poignant.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-25757028
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Thank you all for the kind words and advice.
He's unconscious now, in a hospice. I'm making the long journey from NZ back to the UK, hope I get there in time...
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"He's unconscious now, in a hospice. "
Nick, that sounds like a very rapid decline - your original post, less than a week ago, referred to your father's diagnosis as "last week".
I too hope you make it in time. What with the news, then the rush to get back to the UK, it will have been a difficult time for you even before you arrive.
Best wishes from us all - I'm sure I speak for everyone here.
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Dealing with terminal cancer - Manatee
