Work trip to Brum yesterday.
In process of getting ticket from machine I hear a cheery greeting of 'Hello Mr Bromptonaut' . Friend of my daughter, they're both 20 and at Uni, picking up her ticket at next machine. Been a regular visitor to my house for parties, sleepovers etc since they were both 11. Incidentally, the same lass Mapmaker had the cheek to accuse me of putting off going to Oxbridge.
She was Brum bound too to see friends.
I conversed briefly and let her get on.
Thought the Mr B thing was a joke but daughter tells me friend thought calling me Simon might be regarded as too familiar. Not to me it wouldn't. I thought the era of Mr/Mrs was long gone.
What do your (adultish) children's friends call you?
Last edited by: Bromptonaut on Fri 12 Apr 13 at 01:13
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Heh heh... it varies depending on how well one knows them.
Mr C will do very nicely if they are properly brought up and not regular visitors. A will do if they are intimates of the house. If they are adults A is more normal of course. But strange salesmen on the phone use one's first name as if by right. Makes me bristle a bit.
One whippersnapper once said with a sweet smile on meeting me for the first time: 'Hello you (fornicating) (lady's front bottom).' Punk style... I couldn't help laughing. He was a charming child.
There's no need for them to use a name at all of course. I tended to avoid addressing elders by name when I was small, but being properly raised I had no problem with the formal mode.
I had the following exchange with my middle daughter's eldest a couple of years ago when she was about 14:
'Are you disrespecting me, Grandfather?'
'Yes, darling.'
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Fri 12 Apr 13 at 03:35
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They call me Will, as do the eight- and nine-year-old cricketers I coach. Like AC, I feel Mr Beest is just for those offering to sell me things, but even there I'm happy with first names with those tradesmen we use regularly.
I remember being that age - and more so in my teens - and being paralysed by uncertainty over what to call familiar adults, to the point where I would avoid asking them for things I needed. If children today occasionally come across as cheeky or over-familiar, it's a price worth paying to save them from that nonsense.
One absolute, though: anyone who calls me 'mate' and isn't an actual mate - as the Tesco delivery man did yesterday - is looking for a growl, at best.
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Our children were/are home-educated and grew up in a wide group of adults and children of all ages. Some of their older friends were as old as some of the younger parents we met, so it was ridiculous to use anything other than first names for everyone.
We never went as far as some did, with children using their own parents' first names, That's a step too far, for me.
It all seems to work well, and I don't think it has ever turned to disrespect or rudeness. I think people in all circumstances receive the respect they deserve, regardless of what they are called. But they have to earn that respect by the way they treat others, and I have always treated children as mini-adults in their own right, capable of talking and responding inteligently, not being coo-ed down to.
My only difficulty was when introducing my own parents, quite elderly before they died (as they would be) to younger people or indeed anybody. They had learned to join in the modern first name matey-ness, but obviously I called them M &D, so I could hardly introduce them as Eric and Dorothy to complete strangers. So I just said - "these are my parents" - and left them to sort it out themselves.
It's a far cry from my childhood, when I remember my mother referring to my father as Mr P to a tradesman.
Last edited by: Cliff Pope on Fri 12 Apr 13 at 08:28
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>> We never went as far as some did, with children using their own parents' first
>> names, That's a step too far, for me.
>>
It is for me too. The mother outlaw and her siblings, for reasons I don't recall always referred to their now long dead parents as Phil & Bill. The siblings not only accept the same form (great) nieces and nephews but firmly object to being Aunty or Uncle.
Causes a slight issue for my two as my sister insists on being 'Auntie' and firmly objects to any suggestion her three under 14s call me Simon.
Last edited by: Bromptonaut on Fri 12 Apr 13 at 09:32
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I hate being called Mister Regal and much prefer people to use my surname, but I am the complete opposite myself. I still call customers I have known for years as Mr or Mrs unless they have asked me otherwise, it's just a habit I grew up with and it has stuck. Even though I prefer professional people to use my first name I would feel very uncomfortable calling a doctor or lawyer by theirs.
It amuses me now to remember my mother people who were close neighbours of many years addressing each other as Mrs back when I was a child in 1950's Ireland, but the habits learned during one's formal years are hard to unstick.
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No surprises from me - I'm a traditionalist in this matter.
Mr. V. for non-familial young offspring, Uncle R for a relative's offspring.
Tradespeople - Mr.V. until I (or SWMBO) decides otherwise by giving our forenames.
Dad & Mum for our daughter, Grandpa & Grandma from the sproglets.
Oddly for such a background (we were service brats) my sister and her spouse insisted on their two calling them by first names right from the time they could talk.
It seemed odd then and it seems odd now.
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I may be old fashioned bit I too object to being addressed by my first name by someone who I have just met or cold call salesmen on the phone -
I am known by middle name, not my first name so as soon as they say my first name the phone tends to go down.....
Sir is OK in shops or Mr Helicopter .
Sons friends are all ex Cambridge types in their 30's so I am happy to be addressed by my middle name.
Our three year old great nephew calls SWMBO Auntie Drain.........
Her name is Lorraine.... :0)
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The default would be Mr. until I suggest otherwise. Although it equally depends on how I was introduced.
And, whilst I couldn't define a rule, I find it easy to know when to say to someone; "Call me Mark" and when not to.
Unless they're paying me, then they can call me whatever suits them.
Its also easier being surrounded by Latin Americans since they will call me Tio if they are children and Senor if they are service providers. And that's pretty much without exception, so nobody ever finds it awkward.
They'd die in their boots before they would allow an offspring's friend to call them by their first name.
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I've always absolutely refused to be called uncle, despite my in-laws wishes for my nephews and nieces, and my children have refused to use anything other than first names in return.
An aunt (younger than me, for heavens sake!) tried to insist on "auntie" but my daughter retaliated by calling her "Aunt Clare" which made her sound about 90.
I do love siding with children against grown-ups, they are so patronising but stupid, and mostly lost all their fun at age 22.
Not all though. I recently re-discovered a cousin aged 96, the most lively and interesting person I have met for years. She manages alone, still drives, ferries old people around, and needless to say is on first name terms with everyone.
Another cousin, a respected academic, only narrowly missed 100, and was the same.
The more people have in their heads, the less do they get pompous about names.
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my tiny niece calls me 'uncy paul' i think the rest of the clan think im in permanent ' embarrasing drunk dad at at a wedding'... i didnt have the same attitude when my old man was in his drainpipes and brothel creepers
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Call me what you want....but don't call me early !
I much prefer to be called Ted by everyone. Kids call me dad and the grandkids call me grandpa.
i don't like being called Sir 'cos we're all equal. My milkman, doctor,window-cleaner, etc call me Ted. I've trained them all up.
MiL always called me Edward...My aunts always Teddy.
I'm not keen on mate or pal from people, usually lads, who I don't know. The worst was in the local Santander where two spiky haired counter lads greeted me ' Are you all right there, mate ?'
Ted
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>> i don't like being called Sir 'cos we're all equal.
>>
The only person I insist on calling me Sir is the wife.
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>>
>> I'm not keen on mate or pal from people, usually lads, who I don't know.
>> The worst was in the local Santander where two spiky haired counter lads greeted me
>> ' Are you all right there, mate ?'
>>
I agree in banks, etc where some kind of professional deference is in order, I think.
But it's nice amongst real workers - mechanics, builders, people with dirty hands, because it gives me a glow and the illusion that they might think I'm one of them, not a stuck-up toff with no business to be pretending to know about anything practical.
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>>
>> >>
>> >> I'm not keen on mate or pal from people, usually lads, who I don't
>> know.
Why on earth not, I could call you "Mr" with such sneering curl of distain you would be instantly deflated and insulted. Its not what you are called its how its delivered - friendly and genuine - mush, pal, chum, gov, will do me any time.
What a stuck up bunch of egotistical, overblown, self important snotty snobs you lot are.
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>> .......... I could call you "Mr" with such sneering curl of distain
>> you would be instantly deflated ............
I'd be pleased. I'd rather you tried to insult me than ignored me.
Last edited by: L'escargot on Sat 13 Apr 13 at 08:51
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>> What a stuck up bunch of egotistical, overblown, self important snotty snobs you lot
>> are.
>>
That's rich, coming from the most egotistical Car4play member!
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>> What do your (adultish) children's friends call you?
>>
The call me Mr L'escargot.
Last edited by: L'escargot on Fri 12 Apr 13 at 14:10
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"My Lord D'Bout", or just "Lord D'Bout", I don't really mind.
Last edited by: Humph D'Bout on Fri 12 Apr 13 at 17:29
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Why would you care how someone addresses you as long as long as its its in a friendly manner unless you have an over mighty sense of your own importance?
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They call me "Your exalted highness" when they retreat bowing.
In all other circumstances "hey you... yes baldy"..
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>> I thought the era of Mr/Mrs was long gone.
It's a mark of respect and should be continued.
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No, it's not a mark of respect, its just a customary way of greeting someone in England.
I don't see how you can demand respect from people you don't know. Politeness yes, respect no.
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>> >> I thought the era of Mr/Mrs was long gone.
>>
>> It's a mark of respect and should be continued.
>>
What a ghastly prospect being treated with "respect" by my children's friends and addressed as Mr Pope.
It's as disrespectful as if I called them "Master Brown" and talked down to them with my hands behind my back. I hope I do them the courtesy of treating them as equals.
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'Sir' is an odd one, being in recent times confused with a deferential or submissive posture. In fact it used to be a standard courteous and respectful but slightly distant term used, with a varying degree of emphasis, between equals and non equals alike. It is still quite widely used by Americans. If you use it like that here nowadays thin-skinned individuals may imagine that you are being satirical and take offence. But I have sometimes used it like that, with due caution.
'Mate' is another extremely variable one. It certainly strikes the bourgeois ear as over-familiar. Most often though it is attributable to modern ways - a bit ignorant but no-nonsense and brisk - and seems friendly and perfectly polite. Sometimes though it has through some subtlety of delivery an air of damn cheek about it. Hard to put your finger on why, but it's pretty unmistakable.
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I used to work for a guy who seemed to prefer to be addressed as "Sir" or at least everyone called him that when I first started so I didn't feel much like bucking the trend. As I came to know him better though I always mentally spelled it "Cur" in in my head as I was saying it.
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>>Sometimes though it has through some subtlety
>> of delivery an air of damn cheek about it. Hard to put your finger on
>> why, but it's pretty unmistakable.
>>
I can almost hear it, as I read your post.
"Look mate, do you want it or not? That's a quality product you're getting there".
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Heh heh
(harrumph!) Heh heh heeeh.... but not really, not for ages anyway...
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The Boy's friends on the lacrosse team all call me by my first name (progressing from Jonny's dad, as a name). However, one of the coaches persists in calling me Sir, which make me feel ancient!
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What do Your Kid's Friends Call You - Armel Coussine
