Just when you think life is unfair or you are down about something or the car breaks down or you can't afford something..etc.
Think on this one.
My wife and I have moved from the city to a rural property and deliberately bought a place with a big garden...a very big garden.
Before very long, we realised we'd need help with it, not just because of laziness, but also so we knew what we are doing and I know my limitations and will not touch a chainsaw.
Someone recommended a chap to us and me being me, wary as hell, I let him do a couple of small jobs first...and I soon realised he knew what he was doing. He'd worked as a young man in various large Scottish estates (he's a Jock) and they sent him on numerous courses and rotated his responsibilities, so he had a formal grounding in most elements of gardens.
Fast forward many decades and the chap is now 59 and helps us out.
Just after Christmas he popped up to us, I made him a brew and he advised that he had a brain tumour and might have to slow down on his work...he was optimistic it could be treated, but a bit worried as well.
Three weeks later, he popped up again, with his missus driving as he is not allowed to now and explained that the brain tumour was only one of many problems and that he's riddled with cancer, all over the place. He looked and sounded perfectly 'normal' yet he knew he wasn't...and told us he felt content, because he'd done many things in his life, was well travelled and did not fear what was coming. Furthermore he'd paid his mortgage off and would leave his missus 'o.k.'
This morning, my wife popped her mate down to the doctors and waited with her. Whilst there she saw and spoke to the gardener's missus and asked as to how he was.
Not good was the answer (we knew he was in hospital), he probably only has weeks to go, if not days. Then she said "Oh, I've got to pop up to your place soon", so my wife said "Why"? "Oh" she said "I've had my instructions, I've got to come up and give your kids some Easter eggs".
When my wife told me I had a right lump in my throat. This bloke, who we only met last year, is about to die of cancer, he'll probably never leave hospital and will not be here in a month's time...yet amongst all his angst and the worries and stress with his girlfriend about all the things you'd worry about...he found the time to arrange for a couple of Easter eggs for my kids.
Sorry to ramble on...it got to me. Not much does.
|
>> it got to me. Not much does.
Who are you kidding? Some of your colleagues may be callous but you aren't.
Nice guy, your gardener, and that's a touching story.
|
Absolutely wonderful story. Puts life into perspective.
|
Indeed humbling. I got a new manager a few years back (I'd known them for years) so we arranged to meet up. And he called me a few days later as he couldn't meet me as he had been diagnosed with cancer. Cutting the story short he was gone within a few months and was healthy (running a half marathon just before he was diagnosed).
If I was Westpig I'd be sending something to him or his partner for Easter and I'm sure you are.
Really sad. And sobering - any one of us could have something we're not aware of I suppose.
Last edited by: rtj70 on Wed 20 Mar 13 at 21:23
|
Maybe a generalisation, but in my experience the people ready to leave their life are usually those who made good use of their years.
Those full of 'could-have-beens' are often not ready to give up what they feel was unsatisfying.
Even after 20 years it's still a humbling experience to be part of the terminus of patients' journeys: I hope in time I have half the courage of some of these guys when I'm shuffling off.
|
>> Even after 20 years it's still a humbling experience to be part of the terminus
>> of patients' journeys: I hope in time I have half the courage of some of
>> these guys when I'm shuffling off.
>>
Good to hear Lygonos...being an old cynic I often wonder whether there's an element of 'next' in the surgery, due to the busy nature of the role. I suppose it's like most of us, the odd thing sneaks through.
|
In my line of work I see many cancer patients on a daily basis and I still struggle to come to terms with it. You can be walking into the "office" on a Monday morning, having a bad day or whatever and wham, reality hits you in the face when you meet a grieving family or friends or indeed a patient.
It is also a huge motivator for raising funds because you see exactly what these funds go towards as opposed to a commercial company where profits go to shareholders, the chief exec's new Jag etc etc
I seem to be hearing more and more nowadays of patients who are diagnosed with cancer and die very quickly after diagnosis. And sometimes I feel that this is the best type to have.
|
For a brief few seconds in 2006 I thought I was about to die in an accident. I can remember the rear of the Fiesta being crushed and the roof of the car buckling. And then my next memory is being in the ambulance looking back at the car. Others including my wife thought I had been killed or so I believe.... not something I can really discuss even now.
Put life into perspective for me. The rat race of work etc is not worth it. Thankfully for us we have a plan and the means to do something about it.
|
Just before I went on holiday this month my best friend told me his Sis had been diagnosed with a brain tumour. Her consultant gave her the awful news she had 3/6 months.
It was 8 days.
Not a lot one can say about that is there.
|
I watched my sister die of cancer at the age of 64 , she and her husband came over from Portugal where they were living in June 2004 so she could have a final clear check up after having breast cancer a couple of years before.
They were staying with us while she attended the Royal Marsden for the check up .....to find that it had spread everywhere , she never got home and died on the 1st December.
So as I approach my 64th Birthday I remember her fondly and that the important things in life are good health and friends , not work and money.I try to do my bit by raising money for the hospital.
Sounds like your gardener is one of the good guys Westpig, so my thought is that as he has thought about your family , that you try your best to look after and help his wife and family when he has gone if you can.
|
>> Sounds like your gardener is one of the good guys Westpig, so my thought is
>> that as he has thought about your family , that you try your best to
>> look after and help his wife and family when he has gone if you can.
>>
You are absolutely right.
Strange thing is, the gardener's lady is a senior nurse, who trained with and used to work with an ex-girlfriend of mine many moons ago...and the venue they worked at, a large imposing Dartmoor mental asylum, the grounds etc are 100 yards away from where I now live (it's now exclusive houses and flats..for any of you that may think i'm now in an asylum).
Small old world.
|
>> Just before I went on holiday this month my best friend told me his Sis
>> had been diagnosed with a brain tumour. Her consultant gave her the awful news she
>> had 3/6 months.
>> It was 8 days.
>> Not a lot one can say about that is there.
>>
No. Other than sometimes a quick end means no/less suffering.
|
>> Nice guy, your gardener,
Yeah, he is...the Christmas presents for the kids were unexpected..and thoughtful too.
|
Its worth reflecting that in this often cynical horrible modern materialistic world there are still many thoroughly decent ordinary people still going about their lives trying to do the right thing in their own way.
We should honour and celebrate the good ones, material and social gain doesn't necessarily reflect on a persons decency.
|
>> Its worth reflecting that in this often cynical horrible modern materialistic world there are still
>> many thoroughly decent ordinary people still going about their lives trying to do the right
>> thing in their own way.
>>
>> We should honour and celebrate the good ones, material and social gain doesn't necessarily reflect
>> on a persons decency.
Couldn't agree more. I've seen some pfd in my time....but, still realise a vast majority of human beings are thoroughly decent.
You've only got to watch Long Way Round and Long Way Down. Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman were well looked after, all over the world...and it wasn't just because one of them was a film star, a lot of people wouldn't have had a clue who he was.
My only wish is that the very few who are unpleasant are sat on more by the rest of us. Here's hoping.
Last edited by: VxFan on Thu 21 Mar 13 at 12:44
|
Update.
Matey has been let out of hospital for a while. He's got no hair and has put on a fair bit of weight from the steroids.
He's back in next week so they can blast his lung cancer and bowel cancer all at the same time.
I popped in yesterday for a brew..he's still got his humour. He's done well, his girlfriend thought she'd lost him a couple of times.
|
>> I popped in yesterday for a brew..he's still got his humour.
What a top bloke! Your original account of the man was no exaggeration.
|
>>>> I popped in yesterday for a brew..<<
So nice to hear that.
I'm told so often that people in his position feel isolated simply because old friends and acquaintances sometimes avoid them because they don't know what to say.
I think we're all a bit guilty of that, so keep popping in WP.
I had a humbling moment yesterday but I don't want to hijack this thread. It would be nice to have updates.
Pat
|
|
Some years ago our factory had a van driver who really was a delight and would "go the extra mile" to solve a problem. He died of cancer and the HR person put a notice to this effect on the notice board. The notice was pinned crookedly and made me very angry. The guy was worth more than this.
|
>> I had a humbling moment yesterday but I don't want to hijack this thread. It
>> would be nice to have updates.
Go for it Pat...I don't see it as 'my' thread.
|
>> >> I'm told so often that people in his position feel isolated simply because old friends
>> and acquaintances sometimes avoid them because they don't know what to say.
>>
>> I think we're all a bit guilty of that, so keep popping in WP.
I popped in with a sympathy card...and had a cup of tea with his missus and her sister.
|
>>He's done well, his girlfriend thought she'd lost him a couple of times.
>>
One of his ops he had an uncontrollable bleed...and needed 28 pints. Twenty eight, it's not as typing error.
...and they missed the bowel cancer on the first scan, so concentrated on the lung stuff first.
I told him next time I go i'm bringing as lollypop as he's got no hair and looks like Kojak.
|
Thanks WP, it's something completely different but really made me realise the whole world hasn't gone to pot!
I was approached by a local firm of tipper drivers to train their drivers for the DCPC.
Tipper firms have a reputation which is never good, and Fenland business men are notoriously astute over the last penny.
We negotiated a day rate for all day on Saturday to train the first eight drivers and as I can seat 15 at a time, I managed to fill the course up with individuals from other firms.
The day rate was extremely low and I only agreed it knowing I could fill the remaining seats, after a lot of bartering on the phone! I much prefer to work on a price per driver rate.
When I emailed for the eight drivers licence details at the start of last week, I got a list of 12 names and licence numbers.
This saw me muttering away about 'typical tipper firm'! and picking up the phone to the owner to explain that he can't do that after we've agreed a price.
The conversation ended with me agreeing on 10 drivers and him booking four further day courses to bring them up to date before September 2014.
When money was mentioned, not surprisingly he didn't seem to want to re-negotiate at all.
On Saturday morning one of the drivers walked in and handed me an envelope from his boss with the words 'He's asked me to give you this cheque for today, he has left it blank for you to fill it in for however much you want'
Normally I invoice a customer and always have to wait at least 30 days and much of the haulage industry expects 90 days to be the normal, so it was so unexpected.
The cheque was signed, but nothing more written on it and it was so nice to be paid upfront, with no hassle.
Firms in the Fen have a reputation for being mean and careful and not trusting anyone, but this one appears to be old school and we work together in a position of trust.
That's my kind of customer!
Pat
|
- for being mean and careful and not trusting anyone -
you have not been paid yet! Blank cheques with an empty Bank Account? :)
|
Update.
Chas died this morning at 6.30am. He lasted longer than they thought, I like to think because he was a tough old sod.
His missus was with him.
She plans to take his ashes and scatter them on his favourite stretch of Scottish riverbank, where he went fishing every year.
Strange how a virtual stranger can impact you..when there's some members of your family you could gladly throttle.
|
Thanks for the update WP and sorry to hear the news.
Life is never fair, is it?
Pat
|
Quite clearly Chas had a positive impact on you WP and within the space of just two months he has been taken. As we often say 'Why is it the good ones?' Whilst it might be said that we can be harder to death, and have to be on occasions, when it is closer to home it is none the easier.
RIP Chas.
|
"Strange how a virtual stranger can impact you"
Blimey Wp - you've brought a tear to my eye - going to get a glass of the red stuff and raise it to Chas and his missus.
|
Only this week I arranged to collect a Freeecycle gift. Had a few problems contacting the giver, who I assumed was 50/60.
When I eventually met him he was about 25 and spent much of his time looking after his wife of two years, who was diagnosed with cancer just before they married.
How on earth can I complain about aches and pains?
|
I apologise for posting this here but I was really upset about a crippled beggar I saw when I was on holiday in Portugal last week and wanted to post somewhere. I saw the man every day I was out walking and it brought home to me the bad hand some people are dealt in their lives and how lucky I have been, by any standards.
He was certainly middle-aged, bent forward 90 degs at the hips and both his feet twisted so that he was walking on the outside edges of them. He had a crutch in one hand and held out the other to ask for money, very quietly. I gave him a couple of euros each time I saw him and once there was a wedding party coming out of a church and he scuttled over like a big crab in the hope of some money and from what I could see he wasn't very lucky
.
I was on holiday, spending money and my only problem was deciding where to have my next meal or drink. He was probably 30 years younger than me and I was left wondering how he got like that and if the disadvantaged have any social support in Portugal. I hope none of us are close to having that low standard of health or living and let's be grateful for what we have
Misery mode off for now!
(Mods - please delete if deemed inappropriate)
|
>> I apologise for posting this here but I was really upset about a crippled beggar
>> I saw when I was on holiday in Portugal last week
You best not go to Morocco for holiday then.
|
|
VERY true Zero! I did some years ago and still remember a chap with limbs missing, getting around on wooden blocks strapped to his elbows and knees.
|
.....limbs missing, getting around on wooden blocks strapped to his elbows and knees........
I had a hand plucking at my trouser leg from one beggar in the Forbidden City in Beijing who had no legs but had a curved rocker arrangement strapped to his body so he rocked himself forwards and backward and lifted himself on his knuckles.......I gave him a few coins .
Problem is that you cannot do that for every beggar you see in China or you would never move...... India is pretty bad as well.
You don't know when you are well off do you.......
|
Could be due to his karma, Mildew, he may have been very, very bad in a previous life, a friend I know who 'sees things', saw me as a Roman soldier in a previous life :)
Peeps will scoff at the idea but ... ?
|
|
The Glen Hoddle school of twaddle.
|
I remember talking to people on my ward who where dying of cancer.I was in the same boat but never felt it was my time to go.
I made some nice friends, It's funny how total strangers tell each other their live story.
Live is as it is make the best of it.
|
A humbling moment - Armel Coussine
