***** This thread is now closed, please CLICK HERE to go to Volume 2 *****
Popped in to my local for a dust-settler on my way back from the allotment this afternoon.
Emma-Lou, our young bar-maid (who should have been born blonde but wasn`t) came dashing in to start her shift. She wanted a bucket of soapy water because a polydactyl had just crapped on her car!
When we queried "Polydactyl" she said "it must have been cos its a huge poo!"
;-)
Last edited by: VxFan on Tue 17 Jul 12 at 21:38
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Could be worse. Hannibal Lecter was a polydactyl...
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I didn`t notice that when I watched the film!
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No?
Well, it is in the book.
Oh, and if you want to see polydactyls in films... and considering this thread is pub related ... then there's one at the bar when Michael Caine walks in in 'Get Carter'.
"In a thin glass."
However, you have set me thinking... I must now go and watch that movie again, to see whether there is a large dump on Carter's Mk2 Cortina.
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The "LGEC" came with a holdall full of unctions. Alloy wheel cleaner for the "AMGs", a bottle of "Acid rain neutralising shampoo" various other things and a "bird lime neutraliser" spray.
As Lud might say...FFS...
:-)
Last edited by: Humph D'Bout on Sat 14 Jul 12 at 20:03
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>> Anne Boleyn ?
>>
A myth.
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People who say "pacific" when they mean "specific"
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The wife of a friend of mine is an instinctive poet and coins some wonderful phrases on the fly.
Berating her husband once for putting weight on, "Look at him - fifteen stone on a dead man's chest!" is one of many more I've forgotten.
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In the category of overheard on a bus - actually overheard at a performance of Fidelio by Scottish Opera in Leeds a few years ago. One middle-aged lady to another - "This is the third time I've been to see this opera and I don't like it at all".
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A colleague of sorts, 50 something and a very rural chap was heard to say (whilst directing an Artic' full of bricks trying to reverse into a building site)................. "Straight back at an angle".
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People who say "amount" when they mean "number".
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Anythink else today Sir, Mate, Chap. GGrrrrrrrrrr
'For yourself' when for you would suffice.
Last edited by: Martin Devon on Sun 15 Jul 12 at 21:54
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A particularly annoying one "Could have" has become "could of" actually seen it written. I blame the Mancunians !
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Are you Rattling someone's cage Rob?
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I could of. I overtook a little Panda in baby blue crossing the bridge onto Anglesey on Friday - I still reckon it was rocking in the wake of the bike - wondered at the time if it was Rats.
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>> Are you Rattling someone's cage Rob?
>>
I'm sure he is...but he'd better be careful, he might loose a friend there !
Arghhh......
Ted
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...well, things do rattle when they're loose.
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And while you're at it, bored by or with has become bored of. Now it's probably the most common construction but it still sounds wrong to me.
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"You all right there", from some shop/Pub staff. When they really mean, "Can I help you Sir".
Last edited by: Martin Devon on Sun 15 Jul 12 at 22:15
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Or some sweaty pimply little Herbert in PC World today - "You all right there matey" Matey indeed !
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'"You all right there", from some shop/Pub staff. When they really mean, "Can I help you Sir". '
A knight of the realm in our very presence or perhaps someone with the Queen's Commisson ? ;)
Last edited by: sooty123 on Sun 15 Jul 12 at 22:39
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Might not be a Sir sooty but I'm most certainly not a Matey to anyone !
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Only teasing RP, never been called matey anywhere thou'.
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>> Might not be a Sir sooty but I'm most certainly not a Matey to anyone
>> !
No problem Mush....
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>> "You all right there", from some shop/Pub staff. When they really mean, "Can I help
>> you Sir".
The two spikey haired youths in Santander used to greet customers like that until I complained to one of the managers.
Ted
>>
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Not to go around down this well worn path but what's so bad about 'Are you all right there?'
Last edited by: sooty123 on Sun 15 Jul 12 at 23:25
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Many of these are not 'funny things people say' but examples of incorrect usage by people who can't write or speak English properly. There are many, many examples but it isn't worth taking any notice of them. Even apparently educated people use 'phenomena' and 'media' as singular nouns, when they are really plurals. The Queen in a recent Speech uttered the solecism 'a free media'. Whoever wrote it should have been hanged drawn and quartered and the monarch should have been fined two large gins for reading it out aloud.
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This has gone from funny to pedantry.
I consider myself lucky to get greeted in a shop by anything other than a sign saying 'Our staff will not tolerate abuse'!
Pat
Last edited by: pda on Mon 16 Jul 12 at 05:41
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I used to have a sign by the point of sale in a shop I owned which said 'prices subject to fluctuation dependent upon customers attitude'.
Very few customers remarked on it.
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Four words that I dread hearing:
'And while you're here...'
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>> I used to have a sign by the point of sale in a shop
At this moment in time, would we call that a till?
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Funnily enough Pat, a FB friend who works for M&S was saying only yesterday how close she came to punching a (male) abusive customer !
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I agree so many customers are abusive and I don't envy sales assistants their job at all.
I also find though, those with the signs saying abuse from customers will not be tolerated, seem to have the most unhelpful staff standing directly by them!
Almost as if the look on their faces say 'we're here to do you a favour by deciding to serve you when we've finished our gossip and coffee, and if you dare to ask for anything before that, you will be forcibly ejected'
I usually walk out as soon as I see the sign and find somewhere else or shop online.
Pat
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If I owned a shop I'd definitely want a sign like that. The less I have to do with the general public, the better.
It's not aimed at you Pat, but for the uneducable scum who shout, eff and jeff when they don't get their own way. At least the assistant can point at the sign!
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Playing Scrabble in the Dev last night! - I put the word Bothy (small hut) down, which was challenged. Emma-Lou in big-Dic corner (big dictionary) looked it up and said "no, it isn`t in, but Both is"! - we looked at her and said "do you mean both?" (as in two).
A while later she asked " whats a 3 letter word for Liar "? - After much head scratching someone suggested that if it was lie it could have been Fib, "no it starts with D and ends with an N". Nobody could get it so It was forgotten about. About an hour later she exclaimed "its Den!", "how do you make that out" we inquired, "because the clues Lair, not Liar"! ;-(
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You need a new Big Dic. Chambers has bothy, bothie, bothyman and bothy-ballad (a folk song dealing with country matters, usu bawdy).
I sympathise with Emma-Lou. I used to think the sign over Boots said "the disappearing chemist". But I did realise my mistake when I was about 7.
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i hate it when those trendy tv show presenters refer to the audience/ game participants as 'GUYS'
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>> i hate it when those trendy tv show presenters refer to the audience/ game participants
>> as 'GUYS'
+1
I actually like most Americanisms, but there is an exception to every rule!
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Tee hee ! As a Scottish immigrant to Cheshire it took me a while to get used to be asked by everyone if I was "alright" ! Where I come from that is a question which would be reserved for someone who appeared to be ill or upset in some way. Used to it now of course as a normal for the area greeting.
Typically it goes something like this...
- "A'right?"
- "I'm a'right, 'ow ayah, you a'right?"
- "I'm a'right"
- "Good, nice tuh see yuh!"
- "your missus a'right?"
- "she's a'right"
- "Good..., see yuh later!"
-"A'right !"
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Oh and the other one which tickles me is the amount of "turning round" people do here...
As in -
"Well I turned round and said...and then he turned round and said..."
:-)
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>> "Well I turned round and said...and then he turned round and said..."
>>
>> :-)
Have you noticed that "detail" is an age thing.
Non old people
"My neighbour said its going to rain a lot"
Old People
"So i was hanging out the washing, and Mrs jones came out, you know the one, her son is away at university, nice boy, he goes out with the girl down the road, you know the one who's father ran the bakers shop where you got the nice pies, anyway, she was watching Coronation street, I don't like it myself its too miserable, anyway ..............................blah
15 minutes of drudgery later,
and a weather warning came on to say we were going to have heavy rain, I don't believe it myself ............... blah.
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>>
>> >> "Well I turned round and said...and then he turned round and said..."
>> >>
>> >> :-)
>>
>> Have you noticed that "detail" is an age thing.
>>
>> Non old people
>>
>> "My neighbour said its going to rain a lot"
>>
>>
>> Old People
[lots of stuff]
Very Old People
[lots of stuff] twice.
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" I, myself" FFS "I" means me or myself!
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I get annoyed when Radio 4 use a word they pronounce as "pronounciation". Of all the words to mis-pronounce! (it should be proNUNciation" - no additional 'o'). They of all people should know better!
And don't get me started on less/fewer. They're not interchangeable. There can be fewer cars (they can be counted individually) on the road, or less traffic (cannot be counted individually) but not the other way around.
A long time ago, when my parents moved to Yorkshire, my mother was enquiring after the health of a neighbour's husband - "I hear he's a bit queer" - and received a very frosty "no he's just unwell". Mother (from West London) didn't have a clue why her innocent enquiry met with such coldness!
Last edited by: Tigger on Mon 16 Jul 12 at 13:19
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And don't get me started on less/fewer. They're not interchangeable.
Gets my goat as well Tigger.
I recall Brian Sewell having to correct Ian Hislop on that distinction on ' Have I got news for you ' a while back.
You would expect an editor to know the distinction.
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The scene is at university, three chaps chatting. Self, not so clever acquaintance (NSCA), smart 4rse acquaintance (SAA).
NSCA: Yeah, I've started seeing this Irish bird. She's, uh, from Cork.
SAA: Right, right, so that makes her a caucasian then?
NSCA: [thinks for a second] Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
Made I laugh.
It is true that some of the common mis-uses can be an effect of dyslexia (pacific for specific for example).
Personally, I am a massive pedant, and dislike any encroachment into proper usage. Don't get me started on apostrophes.... Doesn't help that I am an academic, and have to mark students' work... Oh the humanity!
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...if your dog does a poo please put it in the litter bin...
The dog may be the main object of the sentence, but 'put it' is only one word from 'poo', so the 'put it' instruction clearly refers to 'poo'.
I'm more partial to pedantry than most people, but this is not a good example.
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I too am a dedicated full-time pedant, but I usually keep it to myself. There's no point in upsetting people unless you do them some good at the same time.
I hope you won't be upset apm when I say that I usually make an exception for academics, many of whom in my experience leave a lot to be desired in this area. Never mind the absent-minded professor: what about the dumb ignorant one? They do exist.
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Not upset at all AC! I have colleagues that are as pedantic as I, but others are really not bothered by such things. My view is that we, as academics, should reinforce the correct usage where we can.
Once young people get to University, it may well be a little late to alter writing and speaking behaviours that are ingrained. I still correct where I can, just so they know what correct usage should be. They don't have to take any notice!
BW,
Alex.
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>> I still correct where I can, just so they know what correct usage should be. They don't have to take any notice!
A thoroughly decent and praiseworthy endeavour, although as you suggest perhaps rather thankless. I am afraid in many cases you are simply shutting the stable door with the horse long gone.
It is sometimes claimed by those who were taught dyslexia at school that the coming language is a sort of computerized cyborg textspeak and that this is a more suitable tongue for modern use. Nothing could be further from the truth. Apart from a narrow range of technical issues, it is only good for extremely simple propositions which it often renders obscure or ambiguous: worse than useless.
People only make this absurd claim because they can't speak or write their own language properly. It may not be their fault, but that is no excuse for spouting pernicious rubbish.
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Tue 17 Jul 12 at 14:52
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>> Made I laugh.
>>
does not go with:
>> Personally, I am a massive pedant,
>>
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>> >> Made I laugh.
>> >>
>>
>> does not go with:
>>
>> >> Personally, I am a massive pedant,
>> >>
But does go with mis-uses.
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I expect he does and Ian Hislop has the merit of being easier to listen to than Brian Sewell.
Like all these so called "rules' that people get so upset about they have little or no relevance to the understanding of the language and are often artificial in their nature. In the case in point it would seem that "less than" was often used for numerically quantified items prior to about 1800 when much of our grammar was set town in text books for use in public schools.
I suspect that "less than" will ultimately win the battle if for no other reason than that it contains less syllables than "fewer than" and there is a general tendency in English for the shorter and more concise word form to supplant the longer form.
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>> . . . there is a general tendency in English for the shorter and more concise word form to supplant the longer form.
>>
I really hope that you are correct, CGN, because there is one particular modern usage of English that annoys - and I blame McDonalds!
Instead of "I like the Ford Mondeo" or "I like my friend's house" many people say "I am liking the Ford Mondeo" and "I am liking my friends house".
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I'm lovin' it.
The same people also preface their remarks with the redundant "Y' know what...".
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I want those ones. No you don't. You would like those. END OF.
And a favourite of Mrs. MD. The actual weather forecast. The actual this.. The actual that, etc etc. It drives I ruddy mad.
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Funny think is that "I'm loving it" is not really grammatically wrong - it's the present continuous cf. "I'm ignoring it".
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>> >> . . . there is a general tendency in English for the shorter and
>> more concise word form to supplant the longer form.
>> >>
>> I really hope that you are correct, CGN, because there is one particular modern usage
>> of English that annoys - and I blame McDonalds!
>>
>> Instead of "I like the Ford Mondeo" or "I like my friend's house" many people
>> say "I am liking the Ford Mondeo" and "I am liking my friends house".
Your not feeling the love?
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>> I get annoyed when Radio 4 use a word they pronounce as "pronounciation". Of all
>> the words to mis-pronounce! (it should be proNUNciation" - no additional 'o').
Who says?
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;-)
There is only one "o" proNUNciation before the "nunciation", just as there is only one "o" in loser before the "ser".
Last edited by: John H on Mon 16 Jul 12 at 16:20
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...and only one h in aitch.
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Oh and "jog on" where's that come from ?
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Since when has spelling been a guide to pronunciaton in English?
bough, rough, through, cough, dough for example.
Only guide is usage and the "pronounciation" pronunciation is gaining ground rapidly.
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>> Only guide is usage and the "pronounciation" pronunciation is gaining ground rapidly.
It's still sodding illiterate though. Nor do I agree with this sloppy defeatist idea that widely-used solecisms somehow acquire value through being widely used.
They don't: they steadily degrade the language and with it, people's ability to think properly and to convey subtle or complex ideas accurately.
Of course not everyone sees a need for that. But I do.
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'Nor do I agree with this sloppy defeatist idea that widely-used solecisms somehow acquire value through being widely used. '
I'm sure they do, one of the reasons our language has/is and will change so much. I still don't see for example see the problem with fewer and less being interchangable or would have or would of. When the rules on language change due to widespread useage (and they will) what will our pedants do then? New rulez ok?
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>> New rulez ok?
'Things fall apart. The centre cannot hold.'
One doesn't have to be happy or smug about it though.
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I'm not, just surprised about people's reaction to what has always happened and will in the future.
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But one doesn't proNUNce, does one.
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One doesn't write pronunce either.
Last edited by: neiltoo on Mon 16 Jul 12 at 17:11
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I've noticed that my wife, her sister and their mother can communicate quite effectively by a series of hoots. They have a hoot of recognition, one to express surprise, another for disgust etc etc.
On meeting - "Ooh Ooh! "
On hearing bad news - "Oooooh"
Good news - "Ooh!"
Gossip - "Oooooooh!"
In fact a whole conversation can be conducted between them with almost no other verbal input.
In Scotland much the same results can be achieved with the word "Aye"
Greeting - "Aye"
Reply to greeting - "Aye"
Interest - "Aye?"
Disbelief - "Aye!"
Aquiesence - "Aye"
Reluctant aquiesence "Aaaaaye"
....and so on....
:-)
Last edited by: Humph D'Bout on Mon 16 Jul 12 at 17:49
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"Aye", is a great word. I dealt with a multinationally staffed call centre in Scotland, within 6 months the poles, dutch, germans, et al were fluent in the profuse use of "Aye" and all its inflections and meanings.
Last edited by: Zero on Mon 16 Jul 12 at 17:56
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In the depths of the West Country the all-purpose word is an even simpler 'Aaaah'.
Although new usages seem annoying or offensive sometimes, they don't (on reflection) all 'degrade the language' by potentially blurring meaning. But many do.
In many languages, including ours, there are marked differences between demotic speech and the written language. In German there used to be different handwritings even.
It's important to have a grasp of the formal, academic version. Teaching is pretty bad these days though. I sometimes see documents from educational or academic sources that would make a strong man weep.
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Scotland does have some wonderful dialect words and phrases. The part I'm from has some crackers.
Stoor or Stoory - Dust or Dusty
As in, "yon tractor's kickin' up a fair stoor the day" or "My car's stoory, it's needing cleaned"
Mockit, Clarty or Manky - Very dirty
As in, "See her? Her hoose is clarty. The carpet's mockit and the kitchen's manky."
Shottie or Keeping Shottie - Look out or keeping look out.
As in, "Shottie! The janny's ( janitor) coming an' ye've goat a fag oan!" or if re-enacting Star Trek, "Shottie Jim, Klingons!"
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.............and in Pembrokeshire: A "Caffle" is anything in a tangle. e.g. That {twisted}hose is in a right caffle.
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Staying with Pembrokeshire - well the South Pembs. or Sir Benfro bit - a "hobble" is an off the books job for cash or "back pocket" money.
"By damn boy, I got into a right caffle when I was doing this hobble"
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I would draw a distinction between modern or imported incorrect usages, some but not all of which tend to degrade the language by blunting its formal edge, and regional and local dialects which at least have a historical pedigree and have not been vectored by the mass media.
There seems to be a bit of a confusion here and there in this thread. They aren't the same thing.
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>> local dialects which at least have a historical pedigree and have not been vectored by
Before language was devalued, we'd have said "an historical".
:)
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Conceded.
I was going to argue, but that apparently meant running the byways of glottal fricatives, whatever they are, so I stopped. Who am I to argue with a professional wordsmith anyway.
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Seeing the news this evening, I was reminded of another misuse of language that makes me groan - the insistence of "Tate Modern" (sic) in dropping the definite article in front of their name.
So it's "The British Museum", The Tate Gallery", "The National Gallery" and so on, but when you call it "THE Tate Modern" they get all huffy. What makes them so important that they feel that the grammatical rules of English have to make an exception just for them?
Pretentious Pillocks!
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There's a bank advertisement where they ask you to pop in and discuss your needs "in branch". I'd prefer to go into "a branch" if it's all the same to them.
I'm not sure why. It would just seem more fitting.
:-)
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I went into a pub and asked for a pint of Brains.
The (blonde) barmaid replied, we've got no Brains.
Honest!
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People love their pretentious crap. Went to a conference a few years ago when some jumped up clerk kept going on about UBL I asked him in the end what he meant - He gave me a really snooty look and said "Usama Bin Ladin" - over a brew afterwards none of the twenty or so fellow-professionals knew what he meant but didn't want to ask. Saw him in the car-park afterwards checking his car for "IEDs" afterwards.
Last edited by: R.P. on Tue 17 Jul 12 at 07:45
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IED. Idiot Eventually Departs.
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We had some stuff round at work about security threats including numerous references to VBIEDs. When the IRA left them they were called car bombs.
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My late Mother used to describe people out in the rain without a brolly as "Looking like a dying duck in a thunderstorm". I've Googled it and it is a long standing use of the phrase but I haven't heard it in 60 years
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What does "Believe you me" mean?
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>> What does "Believe you me" mean?
Quick google - "An emphatic form of "believe me"; you [the subject] had better believe me [the speaker]"
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If I was cheeky my old mum would threaten to 'skelp ma lugs'....
(Translation :- threaten violence to my ears)
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'Believe you me' is a stock phrase - often an obsolete usage preserved in this one case. 'Ill-gotten gains' is another. You wouldn't say 'believe you Susan', or 'ill-gotten trousers'. They're inelegant but legitimate.
...when you call it "THE Tate Modern" they get all huffy.
That's because their brand name is important to them and you're getting it wrong. 'The Tate' was a familiar appelation for the Tate Gallery when there was only one; now we have Tate Modern - not 'the Tate Modern Gallery' - and Tate Britain, just as we have Harrods and Asda, and none of them requires a 'the'.
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My Dad used to mention putting my eye in a sling.
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When asked what was for tea, my grandmother would say it was going to be "shimshams for a lame duckling", whatever the meal actually was.
Nope, no idea.
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No, WDB, THEY are getting it wrong.
They are a state-owned and funded organisation of the same ilk as the British Museum and the Science Museum.
They are only claiming to be a "brand" because of their own self-important pomposity.
Their arrogance goes further. "The Burlington Magazine claims, Tate Britain has begun to treat the gallery's collection "as its own private plaything" (and this is not the first time that this accusation has been made, either)
tinyurl.com/dyk6e38 (The Independent)
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That's a bit strong, Londers! }:---)
Perhaps I used the term 'brand' too loosely but how they've chosen to represent themselves - I don't think brands have to be commercial entities. The museums you cite both have the word 'museum' in the title, so a definite article is appropriate; but Network Rail and HMRC are also state-funded entities, and you wouldn't use 'the' for either of them. It's not about pomposity, just nomenclature.
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Restricted to SA1 - SA6 areas and CF38 through 44 (not that I keep a tally) one of my favourite questions when asking for directions to the local CAB by callers - "Where to is it ?" This was a line in an episode of Gavin and Stacey - typically from well observed by Ruth Jones. May be the other Rob would be aware of it.
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Well, I have decided to accept your explanation.
But only because of the credibility that you have built up as a forum member of long-standing, and out of deference, i.e you must be a gentleman of some knowledge and taste to be driving a LGEC! :-) :-)
(But admit it, they ARE a bit pompous, aren't they) ;-)
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>>I went into a pub and asked for a pint of Brains.
The (blonde) barmaid replied, we've got no Brains.<<
When I worked in Cardiff years ago there was a big banner ad on a railway bridge near the station that said 'Men need Brains'.
Amazingly, there's a guy living just a couple of Ks along the road from me who used to work for Brains and he can't believe I really used to enjoy a few pints of the old 'skull attack' (SA).
I wouldn't want anyone to think I listen to Talk Sport much but occasionally in the middle of the night I turn it on and I can't stand people who phone in and then start their rant by asking the presenter something like 'how 'y' doin' - alri?', so he/she has to be polite and say 'yeah ok mate' as if they knew the person, or cared. How brainless is that?
Last edited by: Mike Hannon on Tue 17 Jul 12 at 18:01
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Not widely available in the north of Wales - by sheer chance, the nearest pub (1.2 miles) actually serves Brains - which is a pretty good pint !
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The funny things folk say - thread. - Ian (Cape Town)
