Tonight is my first outing with my 18 year-old son as a supervised learner! He's had five or six 'formal' lessons, and this is meant to augment these.
Other than a tot of brandy (for me, not him), are there any other handy tips to avoid conflict?
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Yes, don't do it!
Get someone else to do it, a friend or relative, at the very least someone further removed than you.
Pat
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Any tips?
DONT
if you value your relationship with your son.
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I did it and they both valued it. I drove us to a quiet industrial estate many many times for increasing periods of time until I was satisfied with their basic ability to drive and, more importantly, to stop, before venturing onto the open road. We did lots of manoeuvring so that by the time we hit the open road I was reasonably confident that they could control the car (and so were they), and our bigger worry became the actions of others. I didn't really try to teach them, just give them extra road time and experience over and above their lessons.
We had disagreements along the way, especially with the older one, but I am sure that a second perspective, and plenty of additional experience, helped them and we can now laugh about some of the near-misses.
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One of the things to remember is that some things have probably changed since you passed your test. This alone may well cause arguements between you.
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I managed to help (I think) GF (now Mrs H for 30 years), elder daughter and elder son with practice and am still speaking to all of them. I'd offer these tips for discussion.
1. The instructor is always right (even if he is blatantly wrong). Conflicting instructions don't help the learning process and it's the instructor's job to get the pupil through the test. It's your job to support the instructor above all else.
2. Talk to the instructor if you can. A coordinated approach seemed to work well.
3. Critically examine your own driving behaviour when the pupil is a passenger. You'd be surprised what they pick up without anyone noticing. By the same token, invite discussion on the way you drive. Get them thinking about what they are trying to achieve.
4. Get the pupil to do some "homework" if you can. I managed to get my children (but not Mrs H) to dip into my IAM books and an old copy of "Roadcraft".
5. Do some homework yourself. There used to be a book "Accompanying Learner Drivers" from HMSO. Read it or its equivalent and use the logbook. If you won't or can't at least take a notepad and jot stuff down for later discussion with pupil or instructor.
6. Don't overdo it. Stuff that you do without a second thought after N years of driving may be surprisingly challenging and therefore tiring to the pupil. Back off if your handy tips seem to be falling on deaf ears.
7. Don't row in the car. It's a critically negative experience to argue in a confined space. Drive somewhere you can park and get out of the car to discuss things.
And the very best of luck to you both.
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Wise words, hawkeye - and thanks.
I completely accept that his instructor is always right - it would be quite destructive for me to say, "oh you don't need to bother with that"!
Quite looking forward to it, really - with just a tinge of apprehension :-)
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If a parent ever asked me about the wisdom of giving supplimentary lessons to their offspring I used to invite them to sit in the back during a lesson so they could gauge the standard their son or daughter was at and get an idea what it was all about and whether they could cope themselves. A decent instructor will be happy to oblige with this.
As an aside, there are combinations of family members which work better than others when it comes to instructing. Husband/wife is generally a disaster, wife/husband can work well, father/daughter is mostly ok, mother/daughter results in a screaming match and tears. The best one is mother/son. A teenage boy can be a flash show off with everyone except the person who has wiped his bum, cuddled him to sleep and knows all the embarrassing personal incidents of childhood.
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Make sure the car is suitable for learning to drive in.
Back in the 80's when I learnt to drive, one ofthe many things taught was to change down from 4th to 2nd (ignoring 3rd gear). I don't think they do this now, but the point is although the gearbox in the Metro I learned to drive in was ok with going from 4th to 2nd, my own car (an Allagro) didn't like it at all. Also the controls for the wipers and indicators were the other way around in the Metro. I was told by my instructor that 2 weeks before the test I was not to use my own car so as to not mix up the controls or get the gear changes wrong.
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I spent many happy hours with my son at weekends and in the evenings driving all over the south in an old Polo when he had his L plates up . We had friends who allowed him to drive off road on their farm before he turned 17 and he had a course of 20 lessons with a local instructor for his 17th Birthday.
We had fun and he was keen to learn so it was an enjoyable positive experience.
He passed first time.
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Don't try to correct what the instructor is telling him to do (e.g. use of gears, behaviour on slip roads), the professional knows (should know) what they need to do to pass the test, you don't. You can correct things you don't like AFTER they pass.
Concentrate on hazard anticipation and reading the traffic flow and especially any junctions/roundabouts the pupil expresses a dislike for. My daughter hated a roundabout that just happens to be near the test centre in Lichfiled, after she mentioned it we visited it frequently. The aim is to give them more experience - let the professional teach them.
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Doing the advanced driving lessons some years back still stays with me not so much with the steering as right hand on wheel left somwhere at quarter to but speed limits do i observe better especially since cameras are everywhere.
Braking sooner rather than too late and looking far in front it deffinatly helped me just wish id have gone for the test but work got in the way!
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Well, we're both still talking to each other, and no additional dents on the car - so that goes down as a success in my book!
A few observations:
1) Learners are not psychic, and need explicit instructions - at least at the early stages. I kept forgetting to say stuff out loud in good time, and 'information overload' then frequently ensued.
2) Using a different car from his instructor's may not be a good idea.
3) Despite his frequent frustration at his own mistakes, I was able to remain calm and understanding - without resort to illicit substances.
4) I'd half-forgotten how much I love my lad :-(
At least he's keen to give it another go....
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I remeber my dad took me out in his 1.6 astra mk2 at the lights i set off a bit too quick with a big wheel spin!
With little experiance i didn't know what i did wrong he wasn't amused, but i was!!!
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I spent hours and hours and hours in the car with my father; so did my brother. There's no way you can be a competent driver after ten hours' lessons. Ten hours' lessons and dozens of hours' practice, yes.
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I didn't "teach" my son to drive. As others have said, we just used it as practice. Some elements of what he was taught had certainly changed since I was learning 40 years ago. They make interesting discussion points. Obviously I passed on some of my experience that I'd gained over the years, but didn't try to change the way he was doing things except where they were clearly not correct.
One of the points I remember was that he had been taught (and I'm paraphrasing) keep moving at all costs, which I guess is a fuel economy/keep the traffic flowing strategy - he interpreted it a bit too literally by not braking unless absolutely necessary, and not stopping at junctions where perhaps visibility wasn't so good.
Today he is a good and safe driver, and more cautious than the average 22-year old.
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My dad taught me the basics in a local (empty) car park on Sunday evenings in the family Sierra when I was 16. It really helped, as when I came to my first formal lesson (on my 17th birthday), I already knew how to use the controls of the car, could reverse and parallel park a Sierra estate (so the school Micra was a doddle), and could move straight on to the road rules bits. Had 8 lessons and passed 3 months later.
Last edited by: DP on Sun 25 Apr 10 at 08:46
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I hate anyone driving my cars. I'm totally obsessive about getting my seat height, rake, steering wheel angle and reach, door mirrors, interior mirror, air vents and flow etc millimeter "perfect". Takes me about a week to get it all back to how I like it after someone else has messed with it. Sad but true.
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If you have the option and your son is not mad about cars (like us :-) go for an automatic rather than manual one.
He would learn to drive in at least 50% faster (with 50% less tuition fee, 50% less argument etc.)
I was also taught driving by my dad. However, the overall experience was like fighting everyday :)
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>>If you have the option and your son is not mad about cars (like us :-) go for an automatic rather than manual one.
Can you be serious? I'd say that was going to be an inconvenient and unnecessary handicap for him! Aren't auto-only licences mainly for the otherwise unteachable?
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I didn't accompany any of my children and that was probably a good thing, got far too many bad habit's and doubt i'd pass a test again, i take me hat off to anyone with the patience to teach driving, especially full timer's.
swmbo taught her daughter and it shows, the way they can both get through heavy traffic seamlessly flowing with no thought for lane control is quite scary but it undeniably works, i couldn't possibly get anywhere as quickly as they can despite the fact they don't drive hard.
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That's a "latin" thing GB. I passed my test in the UK but spent many of my formative driving years in Italy. Specifically in Florence and Rome. It's a different style of driving. Chaotic to observe and participate in at first but eventually it clicks. The trick is to not hit anything with your front bumper, that's bad form, but you can totally ignore anything which is behind you or to your side provided you have your nose ahead. "Track position" is everything and being in front gives priority. If you indicate it is not a request for permission to merge or emerge, it is simply a courtesy to inform others of your next and highly imminent move. I love it but driving like that in uptight Britain upsets people. We do love our rules and I suppose it is a bit safer. Boring though.
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Last time i was in rome i saw a guy killed on his motorbike literally in front of me,this is as you say how they all drive, horns a blazing cut n thrust and motorbikes will even come down the pavement at you if they get held up for a millisecondi a
You have to have nerves of steel to drive in rome so you did good humph to come back with all your bits intact, (you did come back with all your bits intact?)
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>> "Track position" is everything and being in front gives priority. If you indicate it is not a request for permission to merge or emerge, it is simply a courtesy to inform others of your next and highly imminent move.
Good description Humph- I've struggled to articulate it. It's very scary until you've acclimatised, and it's still a shock on occasional visits. It wouldn't be so bad if the trucks didn't do it as well.
And pedestrian crossings are just a convenient place to gather pedestrians together to aim at.
Last edited by: Manatee on Sun 25 Apr 10 at 10:55
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>> That's a "latin" thing GB.
That's probably a good part of it apparently Greek's are similar, the 1/3rd of a second fuse is another giveaway, it used to be a lot shorter before my calming influence..;)
another party piece is the 2 seconds max mimsing time someone gets before she's round them by whatever means and gone.
Last edited by: gordonbennet on Sun 25 Apr 10 at 13:00
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Teaching one's offspring to drive - any tips? - Pat
