Any DIY fans or engineers will recognise these.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands, tearing a groove in your palm , smacking you in the chest and flinging your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
CHOP SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make exhaust pipe too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
DISC SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor rust removal jobs into major refinishing jobs.
BELT SANDER:
See above plus deep grooves in surface are linear not circular (can make a difference).
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VICE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost exclusively for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also sometimes handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is frequently used as a kind of percussive maintenance tool, also used as a divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
STANLEY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on supporting materials such as such as seats, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-B*TCH TOOL:
(A personal favorite) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B*TCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Hope you found this informative.
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I have a special socket set which fits every nut and bolt on my car except the one I want to work on.
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SPANNER
Knuckle cleanser, once attached to a nut or bolt under high pressure, it helps to remove ingrained knuckle dirt by guiding the knuckle close to the edge of nearby sharp edges, removing a thin layer of mucky skin.
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>> SPANNER
>> Knuckle cleanser, once attached to a nut or bolt under high pressure, it helps to
>> remove ingrained knuckle dirt by guiding the knuckle close to the edge of nearby sharp
>> edges, removing a thin layer of mucky skin.
>>
Ever so funny.....really.
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The HYDRAULIC PRESS a great tool for pressing out a bearing only to miss and crush your hand instead.
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Most frustrating useless tool i ever had was the 4" mitre board the hostess landed back with when i was fitting 7" skirtings, worked great at first then the cuts went wonky! - had a brilliant idea that i should turn the wood over half way through to keep the cut straight. Strangest thing! i kept ending up with two different mitres on the same end....never could work it out!
Last edited by: devonite on Sat 16 Jul 11 at 02:21
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I love my tools - Old Navy
