Motoring Discussion > Numptie at large. Miscellaneous
Thread Author: Ted Replies: 29
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 16:41 
 Numptie at large. - Ted

You heard it here first !!

Pulled into my drive in the Vitara at lunchtime. had just taken an MOT car back to the City.
I'd bought a sandwich and a mocha and brought them home, so I was pre-occupied with my comestibles !
My drive slopes, not a lot, but enough. I jumped out of the Vit with my paperwork, phone and lunch and was aware thet the car was moving. The drivers mirror hit the corner of the house and folded, shutting the door as it did so.
What do I do now......there's 50 yds before it hits the garage, if it doesn't take the fence out first ! Man of action, man of steel !
I thrust the only thing I had under the back wheel of 1 1/2 tons of rolling steel.........my left foot !
Well, it's instinct, isn't it ?...It stopped the car OK.....it probably stopped my circulation as well !. Now what to do ? Fortunately it's a five door so , like a contortionist I wrestled the passenger door open, reached round the seat and pulled the handbrake on, foot still wedged.
I'd not putten it in park ! Fool !
I'm anticipating a few bruises but, at least, there was no damage to the motor.

Anyone else had self inflicted auto GBH ?

Ted
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 16:47 
 Numptie at large. - Badwolf
Oh, Ted!!!!! I had to wipe a not inconsiderable amount of coffee off my laptop before I could reply to that.

It must have been fairly perturbing for you at the time but you have given me a much needed chortle and brightened my day no end.

GBH-wise, I have a scar on the back of my left hand that resulted from removing tinsel from the grille of my Escort back in (about) 1994.

Cheers.
Last edited by: Badwolf {P} on Fri 12 Mar 10 at 16:49
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 22:12 
 Numptie at large. - Ted

>> removing tinsel from the grille of my Escort back in (about) 1994.
>>
>> Cheers.

Meant to respond earlier, Bad. Tinsel ? From your grille ?

You big softy !

Ted
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 22:15 
 Numptie at large. - Runfer D'Hills
......should've seen the state of the fairy........
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 23:22 
 Numptie at large. - Badwolf
>> Meant to respond earlier Bad. Tinsel ? From your grille ?
>>
>> You big softy !
>>
>> Ted

I know, I know. In my defence, I was only twenty so I hadn't developed the fine sense of aesthetics that I possess now. Ahem. And surely the fact that I now have a rufty-tufty scar rescues me some 'man-points'?

>>...should've have seen the state of the fairy...

Any cracks along the lines of 'he was driving the car' , Humph, and I'll set my dad on you :-)
Last edited by: Badwolf {P} on Fri 12 Mar 10 at 23:25
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 16:49 
 Numptie at large. - Zero
where did the tuna crunch and mocha end up?
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 16:55 
 Numptie at large. - R.P.
Been knocking around with Rattle too much ?
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 17:06 
 Numptie at large. - Ted
I was very careful with the Mocha, managed to put it on the bay windowsill...spilt a little on my paperwork. Sandwich fine. Eaten and enjoyed ! Will post bulletin on foot on my gatepost later . Normally for working I have steel toecap shoes.......today, of all days, I had me velcro corridor creepers on !

Had old RabbleandSteam round yesterday to fettle PC and Telly, etc.
All working now, he's a star ! Burned 14 songs by one of The 3rd Reich's favourite singers onto CD.

Ted

Edit Might invade Poland over the weekend !
Last edited by: silence of the cams on Fri 12 Mar 10 at 17:09
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 17:02 
 Numptie at large. - -

Flip me Ted, glad you weren't caught and pinned by the runaway.

Aged 16 or 17 so i offer that as an excuse for the following.

regrooving a Pirelli Carriload truck tyre and the regrooving tool wasn't grooving as well as i thought it should, so i press hard down on the blade holder with a screwdriver....you're already there i know, screwdriver slips and hey presto a neat cauterised groove out of my index finger knuckle down to the bone....still got that scar among others.





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New Fri 12 Mar 10 17:00 
 Numptie at large. - oilburner

>> Anyone else had self inflicted auto GBH ?
>>

Yep, only the other week I was just getting out of my car at a DIY store, when the driver one space up the hill let go of their shopping trolley and the trolley began to run (quite quickly) towards the side of my car.

Reaching out around the edge of the door to vainly attempt to stop said trolley, I had only just let go of the door, when the door promptly swung hard back into my arm, crunching my forearm between door and b-pillar.

The trolley was stopped by it's owner anyway, which left me a huge bruise on my arm for nothing!!

:)
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 19:24 
 Numptie at large. - Iffy
Another shopping trolley story.

Pushed mine towards the back of the CC3 in the normal way, and I must have let go of it to get the keys/open the boot.

Turn round to see trolley gently rolling away.

It already has a 10 yard start, so not much chance of me catching up.

It's heading towards an island of shrubbery with a kerb around it.

Kerb stops trolley which then begins to topple, only to be gently restrained by the shrubbery.

Trolley, by now at rest, rocks back onto all four wheels.

I go to retrieve it, looking about me on the way to see if anyone's watching.

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New Fri 12 Mar 10 19:37 
 Numptie at large. - BiggerBadderDave
Why are supermarket car parks always built on slopes? The worst offenders are certainly DIY chains and topping the list has to be our local IKEA. It's a real back-wrencher trying to make a trolley and 500kg of flat-pack furniture go in a straight line when the ground slopes from left to right.
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 19:49 
 Numptie at large. - Runfer D'Hills
Glad you are OK Ted. I admit to having aged 18 jacked up both front wheels of an MG Midget to enable me to crawl under to replace the starter motor. Of course it fell off the jacks pinning me to the ground. By sheer luck my head was in the gap created by the curvature of the bell housing. Downside was the sump was resting on my chest and every time I breathed out it sank lower stopping me from breathing in.......

It only took a short while to realise that this was not a good scenario and I couldn't shout for help as I couldn't draw breath to do so.

Suffice it to say bench pressing an MG Midget while holding your breath is possible given sufficent incentive.

:-(
Last edited by: Humph D'bout on Fri 12 Mar 10 at 19:53
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 20:07 
 Numptie at large. - Armel Coussine
Good story Ted. Hope the foot's all right.

All serious truck with the automobile has left me with wounds, usually minor. I am fairly careful and only stupid when rushed. But sometimes one reads of people who are run over and seriously hurt doing things like that. Of course that wouldn't happen to someone intelligent unless they were feeling suicidal.

In the middle of our house upheaval a week or so back I left the car on a steep parking place near the house, one I usually avoid, in Sussex here. Didn't apply the handbrake hard enough - I don't believe in gorilla-like force when everything is working properly - being I suppose tired and rushed. Got some stuff out of the car and went inside. Later saw that it had crept back, but fast enough to do damage, into the corner of the house chimney just missing the bumper and catching the wing and rear light in the most awkward place. The light is now sewn together with gaffer tape and the bodyshop is alerted. It's going to cost the thick end of 450, including two existing parking dinges, one on the other side.

Frankly I'd rather have an honourably bruised foot.

I've got a well hairy chainsaw story though...
Last edited by: Armel Coussine on Fri 12 Mar 10 at 20:09
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 20:16 
 Numptie at large. - BiggerBadderDave
Does anybody remember Brian Harvey of the pop n roll band East 17? He managed to knock himself down with his own car, while he was still driving it and as I recall, made quite a mess of himself - broken pelvis amongst other things.
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 20:36 
 Numptie at large. - RattleandSmoke
It could have been worse I suppose :). Just make sure you rest tonight and have plenty of that Lidl ale :).

I suppose it is the problem when you're driving all sorts of different cars you forget to do something simple.

I would guess that Brian Harvey may have taken some substances before his accident though!

I hope you're not in too much pain :)
Last edited by: RattleandSmoke on Fri 12 Mar 10 at 20:37
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New Fri 12 Mar 10 21:38 
 Numptie at large. - Ted

I only managed to secure the last 17 bottles that were on offer, Rats. I'll try and make them last the evening.
Tootsie a bit bruised but pain gone now. Thanks for all good wishes..
Not the first time I've had a walk up Nuggin Lane...did exactly the same with the Scenic only I'd only got my right leg out before the house shut the door on it, trapping me in the driver's seat. Good job it was an auto, started it up, popped it reverse and escaped but the door was bruised in that incident.

Was cutting up a Jowett shell after stripping for spares. No angle grinders then, hacksaw, chisel and oxy/axy. Cutting the last bit to get the roof off, the n/s A post, it suddenly dropped and the jagged cut edge made another jagged cut........down my chest this time.
Just missed me nipple ( am I allowed to say that ? ) Masking tape stopped the blood, the usual workshop cure ! Still got the scar !

Anyway, this thread's exposed a few accident prone C4Pers !

Ted
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 01:27 
 Numptie at large. - SteelSpark
>> I would guess that Brian Harvey may have taken some substances before his accident though!

Actually, he claims it was all down to jacket potatoes

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/4130812.stm

or is "jacket potatoes" the name of one of those new fangled designer drugs the kids are on these days?
Last edited by: SteelSpark on Sat 13 Mar 10 at 01:28
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 00:06 
 Numptie at large. - Avant
This is the backroom at its best - Ted fits Rattle's springs, Rattle fettles Ted's PC and TV. It's good to know.
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:06 
 Numptie at large. - L'escargot
>> ......... 1 1/2 tons

Without trying to detract in any way from the drama of the situation, according to tinyurl.com/yk68oae the kerb weight is only 2205 lbs which is less than a ton.
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:26 
 Numptie at large. - MD
Yep. One Master van rolled away when parked outside MIL's gaff, straight into a Volvo saloon. Double damn........it was my Volvo. My boat race was redder than the car, but thankfully no damage to either....phew!!

MD
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:24 
 Numptie at large. - JohnR @ Home {P}
Early 70's, zoom into local petrol station on Suzuki GT250K, this is where pretty cashier works. Pop helmet onto mirror stalk, looking cool, swing right leg over to dismount. Lower bike onto side stand - which has not been kicked down! Bike ends up laid down (no damage thank goodness) on the tarmac of the forecourt.

Result = Severely bruised Ego...

John R
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:35 
 Numptie at large. - L'escargot
>> Result = Severely bruised Ego...

Is that you Altea?
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:42 
 Numptie at large. - JohnR @ Home {P}
Sorry, no L'escargot.
It's me, John R @ Home, you may remember me as John R @ Work from 'the other place'...

John R
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:44 
 Numptie at large. - MD
You get about John.
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 07:52 
 Numptie at large. - JohnR @ Home {P}
I do, but not as much nowadays.

John R
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 11:53 
 Numptie at large. - madf
Rebuilding a Mini engine in early 1970s, carrying crankshaft carefully and tripped on concrete floor on a join .. started falling and dropped crankshaft to free hands so I could break my fall.

I broke my fall alright but crankshaft broke my big toe and nail.. never been right since. Interesting pain in toes.. can't do much about it....:-(
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 11:57 
 Numptie at large. - Avant
">> Result = Severely bruised Ego...

Is that you Altea? "

No - he's trading as Zero and I don't think his ego is bruised. :)
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 11:59 
 Numptie at large. - Runfer D'Hills
Got your VRs back yet Avant?
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New Sat 13 Mar 10 12:41 
 Numptie at large. - Avant
Not yet - they have to get new locks and keys and that's what takes the time. Thank the Lord for the Z3 - I can't stand much more of that Corsa with what should have been called Difficultronic transmission.
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