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Every time I come back to Blighty I laugh at the spread of 'sloganising', particularly as it appears on vans and trucks. I used to quite admire those big artics declaiming 'eat more chips!' but I guess that's a bit passé these days. Anyway, I have decided this time to start a collection of 'solutions'. Among the many seen already are 'refrigerated solutions', 'moving solutions' and, seen on the M5 yesterday, 'always delivering retail snacking solutions'. One more word would have needed a bigger van! Who dreams up this tosh? So, I just wondered if anyone has seen any 'solutions' or other gems of sloganising they may wish to pass on?
Last edited by: Mike Hannon on Thu 16 Jul 15 at 08:41
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Hard to avoid these days, Mike. The IT business has (mis)used 'solution' for decades, to mean a package of products and/or services to meet a specific need; I've had several job titles that have made me the manager, designer or even 'architect' of such packages. We've made it a verb too; I've spent many long evenings and weekends 'solutioning', or even 'solutionizing'.
I imagine it's consultants that have spread the infection to other industries. I can imagine a company might prefer to offer 'logistics solutions' rather than 'men in vans', but it is stretching things a bit to see a retail snacking solution when all there is is a vending machine!
Actually, 'deliver' is another one that's getting in where it doesn't belong, but that's probably another thread.
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>>
>> Actually, 'deliver' is another one that's getting in where it doesn't belong, but that's probably
>> another thread.
>>
Delivering solutions
Owning
"Growing" is my big hate at the moment. Growing used to mean you were in the business of growing things -eg I'm a potato grower.
But now growing seems to be applied to be the attention you fix on a single enterprise, like "growing the company". If you are a company grower, then you are a consultant or someone like John Harvey-Jones specialising in making companies grow. But you don't deserve that title if you merely have one company, still only partly grown.
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These people dream up this tosh.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApvLnY4GJqU
(Mitchell and Webb sketch).
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We recently had Australian visitors, they were less than impressed with the "Aussies suck" breakfast drink advertising posters on bus stops, buses, and billboards.
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>>(Mitchell and Webb sketch).
Pure genius
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>> So, I just wondered if anyone has seen any 'solutions' or other gems of sloganising they may wish to pass on?
How long have you got ?
I cheated and Googled for solutions logos and the looked at images.
I have lead a sheltered life as there are screen fulls that I have missed :-)
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From an old article by Matthew Parris
What is “stakeholder management� What is “information management� What does a “Director of Foresight†do? Why is there no Director of Hindsight? Why does the CEHR want a “Director of External Affairs†— are quangos now to maintain embassies abroad?
Well, each job is described. All require (the ad says) “strategic visionâ€, the Disability Director being required to “lead and direct a portfolio of strategic policy projects†(as well as “deliver the CEHR's mandate and cross-strand approachâ€), while the Director of Business Planning is “developing†“strategic policy projectsâ€, and the Foresight Director is busy identifying “key strategic objectivesâ€.
The Director of the Commissioners' Office, meanwhile “will fill a strategic roleâ€; the Legal Policy Director (“working closely with external stakeholdersâ€) will “build strategic relationships†while “leading the development†of a “legal strategyâ€; and the Legal Enforcement Director will ensure the CEHR “meets [its] strategic objectivesâ€. In a text no longer than this column, one clutch of vacuities occurs again and again:
strategy/strategic: 8
policy: 9
manage/management: 10
lead/leadership: 8
relationship/s: 5
build/develop/build and develop: 12
co-ordinate: 3
stakeholders: 4
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Continued......
The landscape is littered with “goalsâ€, “objectivesâ€, and “targetsâ€. An insane climax is reached in the description of the Director of Stakeholder Management's role: “You will help build and develop the external face of the CEHR [though the External Affairs Director “will have a unique opportunity to build and develop the external face of the CEHRâ€] as an accessible, ambitious organisation. Key tasks will include co-ordinating stakeholder relationships... whilst co-ordinating a process that categorises relationships... You will also establish relationship management objectives and goals.â€
On what planet, in what galaxy, in which cosmos do these people live? Is theirs an internal language, known only to a priesthood? Does the language mean anything to them? An entire segment of our fellow citizens is spinning off into a kind of linguistic oblivion, leaving us, gaping and bewildered, behind.
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Indeed. We used to play 'bullshine bingo' at press conferences - first one to spot ten of these linguistic abortions won. When I worked for the Old Bill I was given a specific instruction to include the word 'partners' in every press release.
Getting back to the road and my obsessive lorry watching, why don't I see the word transport anymore? Everything is 'logistics'. Yesterday I scored double points when I saw 'logistics solutions'. Bingo!
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>> On what planet, in what galaxy, in which cosmos do these people live? Is theirs
>> an internal language, known only to a priesthood? Does the language mean anything to them?
>> An entire segment of our fellow citizens is spinning off into a kind of linguistic
>> oblivion, leaving us, gaping and bewildered, behind.
I understood every word of it, but then I did work for a company that invented the three letter acronym, and the sales concept of Fear Uncertainty & Doubt
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>> I understood every word of it, but then I did work for a company that
>> invented the three letter acronym, and the sales concept of Fear Uncertainty & Doubt
>>
It's Better Manually! :-)
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What's the solution? - WillDeBeest
