An internet joke sent to me by my Iraqi buddy. Hardly side-splitting, but thought funny apparently by non-Europeans, especially hard-drinking ex-Muslims of whom there are many. I saw him the other day, still sunburned (but not carbonized alhamdulillah!) from ten days in Baghdad. He showed me family photos from his visit, his brother whom we met in Australia, his sisters who stayed with us in London, his mother, his wife's aunt, nippers agogo... all smiling and living their lives normally, Sunnis, Shias and Kurds all one more or less despite efforts to widen splits, ignoring the car bombs etc... talk about steadiness under fire! They're used to it poor dears.
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>> This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.
>> The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.
>> With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.
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>> Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.
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>> The Englishman answers With humour: No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver... on the other side???
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Happened to me personally-got pulled up for speeding on the old Severn Bridge-policeman comes up and starts talking to my wife who was in the RH seat-then realizes that both I and the steering wheel are on the left! I did get let off.
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Odd humour.
It's really funny related as a true story, especially with a bit of embelishment about the "driver" trying to explain but being too drunk to make himself understood, the cop ploughing on through his procedures and paperwork.
But as a joke it's a bit weak.
Another good one, as others see us, allegedly true but probably apochryphal, concerns a British visitor to Bosnia during the troubles.
He was hauled off the plane by an armed guard and taken before a ferocious policeman at a large desk, guns and cartridges slung round shoulders.
Have you brought a gun? he barked menacingly.
No, stammered the Englishman, terrified of what might be about to happen.
The policeman raised his eyes despairingly:
Then you'll need this, he said, pushing a pistol across the table.
Some people, innocently travelling abroad without even basic equipment!
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Surely it's 'How others see the French' as the joke only works with a British driver (or Australian, or Japanese etc.) It's anyway a true story, repeated very often in France.
I was in a car stopped for a random test in France. The bag was given to the occupant of the passenger seat who had to point out to le flic that it wasn't very sensible of him.
A colleague of a friend (yes it's a true story) had partaken of a very good lunch but was driving the car. The passenger was sober. Les flics - as they so often do - were testing the occupants of a queue for the Péage. Without paying much attention it was stuck through the passenger window, who thinking quickly blew it up and gave it back 'OK'.
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Then your colleague and his friend are complete morons. But you'd expect me to say that I'm sure. Why not just have the sober man drive. I've heard of some pillocks in my time but that takes the biscuit.
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>>Then your colleague and his friend
No. A colleague of a friend.
>> are complete morons.
Yes, couldn't agree more.
Some years ago, mind.
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>> I've heard of some pillocks in my time but that takes the biscuit.
You're a moralist Alanović. Many are - I am myself in some ways - so no blame of course.
However it's possible these people weren't pillocks, that the sober passenger trusted the ratted driver to drive safely nevertheless. Some people can sometimes. It isn't brain surgery, it's operating a crude, familiar mechanical device in an environment evolved and engineered to minimize risk.
Don't bother to call me a pillock. I've been called worse, and for better reason. Water off a duck's back comrade.
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>> Some people can sometimes. It isn't brain surgery, it's operating a
>> crude, familiar mechanical device in an environment evolved and engineered to minimize risk.
When I was young..most did it..including me.. and we're not talking all that long ago either really, compared with some of you on here...;-)
Stupid of course....although now I'm living in a rural area I've noticed it's more prevalent.
What goings on now will be considered stupid in the future?
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>> Stupid of course.
In a way, unless the driver really didn't care about the risk to his licence. That seems to be the risk they are taking, apart from the negligible risk of any sort of accident for which alcohol could reasonably be blamed.
Perhaps they had some sort of very powerful protection (it can happen I am told). Perhaps on the other hand they are like a hooligan I used to know who had lots of passports and driving licences and didn't give a damn being light on his toes... he's dead now.
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>> Perhaps they had some sort of very powerful protection (it can happen I am told).
If you're hinting at the funny handshake brigade or similar..I'd suggest not. Never saw any of that in my whole time (31 years)...and there were plenty 'in' that sort of thing.
I'm not saying that the odd favour wasn't done by some for some things..but not drink/drive....
Generally the whole system was pretty tight and straight down the line..apart from the odd crook, who'd eventually get caught anyway.
Put it this way..if I'd been stopped for drink/drive at any time in my career..I'd have expected a straight down the line procedure, court appearance and the sack.
I was once present though when an under-performing WPC... who'd been leant on by her Sergeant to go out and get some figures...turned up in the custody suite with a drunk in charge of a bicycle. He was the Det Supt in charge of one of the squad's who shared our police station. The look's on the Custody Officer and Duty Officer's faces was a picture. Fair do's he was absolutely s*it faced. He didn't stay in custody long though.
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>> If you're hinting at the funny handshake brigade or similar..I'd suggest not. Never saw any of that in my whole time (31 years)...and there were plenty 'in' that sort of thing.
Sort of, in a way, but not very seriously. I'm not a conspiracy theorist. There are other ways of getting protection or being ignored in some way. People like an easy life and they are loyal to their associates after all.
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How others see us - jc2
